Hipster girl: You know it’s just so sad that I will never be able to see the world through anything but the eyes of a dancer. Because that’s what I am, a dancer. I mean, I will never be able to experience the world through the eyes of say an architect or a designer. Oh my God! Don’t you just pine for the 80s when dance was the treasured art form?
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Rebecca
20-something to friend: If I didn’t do so many drugs, I could probably afford to go skiing and shit like that.
–Williamsburg
Art school student: If I can stop doing heroin, I can do anything!
–Outside School of Visual Arts
Tourist guy to tourist friends: Yeah, I remember when he went to school on shrooms, and then he went to the principal and told him that he was on shrooms.
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Bones Jones
Father to daughter: Don’t say “no” to drugs. Say “no, thank you.”
–45th St & 5th Ave
Blonde Catholic schoolgirl: Maybe after we pop the E we’ll roll over to 149th Street.
–Q88 Bus
Guy: How do you know I don’t have a uterus?
Girl: Because you’re too skinny to have one!
–Rooftop Party, South Williamsburg
Overheard by: wombat
Hipster #1: Oh look, a Boston Terrier!
Hipster #2: Boston Terriers are so last year…
–Bedford, Williamsburg
Chick (to another chick): So, are you ordained yet?
–Williamsburg
Little punk rock guy to tall hipster guy, sarcastically: Nice beard.
Tall hipster guy: Yeah, you want me to smash your face!
Little punk rock guy: Shit nigga, now I wish I had a beard to absorb that shit.
–Union Pool Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: lil pirate
Stylish 20-something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you’re out of breath because you’re out of shape. (pause) No, you’re not fat. You’re voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it’s not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.
–Central Park
Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I’ve been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn’t working!
–Williamsburg
Woman to her dog: Don’t be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!
–10th St & Broadway
Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.
–Brooklyn
Store guy: You want a baloney sandwich or something?
Dude: Nah. The only time I eat baloney is when I’m in the joint.
–Bodega, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Andy K.
Chick: Did you know Craigslist is in like a billion cities but only employs nineteen people?
Guy: That’s not that weird; what would people who work for Craigslist do?
Chick: I dunno…Moderate. Get Craig burritos.
–Williamsburg
Subway announcement: The next l train is now arriving on the Manhattan bound track.
Midwest tweaker, to no one in particular: Boo-yah! Buh-buh-buh boo-yah! (blows snot rocket onto subway tracks) The l train? What the fuck is that?
–Bedford L Train
Overheard by: Ben Graney
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist