Annoyed woman: And then there’s that one guy, that creepy guy who’s always harassing me.
Confused man: Who?
Annoyed woman: That guy, he’s really pale.
Confused man: Oh, is this the albino guy?
Annoyed: No, no, the albino guy is cool. It’s that film student.
Confused man: The guy who works at Anderson’s?
Annoyed woman: No, that’s the other one. He’s all right, that guy’s all right.
–R Train
Overheard by: Hannah
Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it’s entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know – for the time being I’m just referring to it as a Duchamp “readymade.” Ew! Don’t you call me bohemian!
–19th & 6th
Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he’s dead now.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: traPt
Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability.
–Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA
Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff – but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do.
–20th & 5th
Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It’s not art if you can see his penis!
–Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Woman: I’ve figured out what’s wrong with him!
Man: What?
Woman: He smells like ear wax.
–Financial District
Overheard by: p
Girl wearing leggings as pants: I love your watch… does it flip open?
(frail elderly woman looks confused)
Girl: That, your watch.
Frail elderly woman: This is my life alert. If I fall, I can call for help.
Girl: Oh! Uh… well, it goes really well with your outfit.
Frail elderly woman: It doesn’t come it any other colors. Just beige.
–Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: misskitty
Old Jewish lady: How are you today?
Old Jewish man: If I sold ice cream, I’d be great. If I sold ice cream in Central Park, that would be perfect. But me? I sell chickens in Bedford.
–8th St & Bedford Ave
Woman: All right, but you’ve really got to stop smoking once you start showing.
–14th & 7th
Guy: We were going by and her mom said, “Hey Mindy! Jumprope! Want to
pee?”.
–Suffolk Street rooftop
Teen girl on cell: Things have changed. We’re not even friends anymore; she’s like this expensive tampon-wearing, stuck-up slut. So what if she can afford Tampax Pearl, I’m still better than her!
–49th & Broadway
Bored woman on cell: Yes baby, that’s the spot, I’m coming.
–F train
Jewish JHS boy: My older brother keeps calling me a pussy and telling me I have to play sports. He’s such a douche.
–S train
Overheard by: Jennifer Smith
Teenage girl: But I think it’s always a bad sign when you see blood floating in the ocean, whether it’s actually whale menstrual fluid or not.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: djlindee
Good looking suit to lunch date: How about this – let’s say that you and I are equally attractive. Now let’s say that on any given day we each see 1,000 people of the opposite sex (a lot more, obviously, but that’s a good number). You, as a woman, could sleep with approximately 850 of them – that 1,000 is discounted by the 100 who are gay (10%, as they say), and the 50 who are faithful to their wives/girlfriends. Now for me – I see 1,000 women, but 850 is way too high a number for me – maybe, if I’m lucky, I could find a few skanks in the group willing to bang a guy they don’t know. Aside from that, I’m looking at 2 – 3 dates, dinners, phone calls, all that shit. That’s why it’s easier for girls.
Date: Wow.
Good looking suit: It’s simple math.
Date: You would only allow 50 faithfuls? Sheesh.
Good looking suit: Men are scum.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: wedding rings are for sissies
Blonde coed: After he finished yelling at me for a solid ten minutes, he’s like, “So, do you want to be my girlfriend?”
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: simon
Middle school girl to boy: I don’t normally get with sixth graders, but you’re different…
–10th St & 1st Ave
Woman on cell: You are not listening to me. (pause) When you say whatever it is you’re bitching about’, I know that you are not actually listening to me.
–Riverside Park
Guy on cell: I don’t treat you quite as bad as you say.
–Amtrak
Overheard by: Flooey
Boyfriend, about girlfriend enthusiastically cheering on Colbert: Why don’t you scream like that for me?
–The Colbert Report Set
Party girl to friend: So I asked my priest, and he said “I think you should see other people.”
–Park Ave & 29th St
Overheard by: petey
Pretentious snob lady: New York is soooo Vegas these days.
–Times Square
Old woman: Mom, look at this bag. Isn’t it cute?
Really old woman: Ewww! No!
She slaps her daughter’s wrist.
Really old woman: It’s ugly! That color! You have no taste!
Old woman: Jeez, Mom. I just thought it would be a nice bag for spring. You didn’t have to slap me.
Really old woman: Now I won’t have to look at it! Or you!
–Lord and Taylor
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist