Drunk hobo, singing: Put a little money in the hat!
Six-year-old boy to mom: Don’t hats come with a bunny?
Mom: He asked for money, not a bunny. He’s a panhandler, not a magician.
–Canal St station
Overheard by: Thumper
Archive for the ‘Words’ Category
Eh, Either That or Good & Plenty
Skanky punk girl: Aren’t you guys a little 5th avenue for this place?…
Girl in scarf, excitedly: Ooooh, we’re 5th avenue?
–MARZ Bar, 2nd Ave & 1st St.
Overheard by: Arthur
…I Thought Only Monkeys Did That?
Angry man on street: Fuck ass the ball! Fuck ass the ball!
Bystander: Did he just say, “fuck ass the ball?”
–Bed-Stuy
A Feminist Critique Of Wednesday One-Liners
Chick: Was she a gymnast, or a feminist?
–Café, 113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Anthropology professor: Everyone’s a misogynist. Women attend seminars, “seminar” comes from the word “semen,” which comes from the Latin for “a unit of knowledge.” And this, my friends, is how women get smart.
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: thats how I got into NYU
Rambling man: Nobody’s gonna be in charge anymore! (pause) Except the ladies.
–Rivington & Forsyth
If Only He Knew How to Use the Web, and to Read
Meathead #1: I hate Union Square. There is too many of those…what do you call ’em, beatniks?
Meathead #2: You mean yuppies?
Meathead #1: Yeah, that’s it.
–53rd & Broadway
Same As the Hits We Just Took.
Guy #1, with thick Long Island accent: What is the plural for “coffee”?
Guy #2: Just put an “s” on it. “Coffees.” Same as with “sheep.” I think it is the same because of the two “e“s.
–40th St & 5th Ave
Ahem –That’s “Womyn”
Gangsta #1: … And then these bitches…
Gangsta #2: Wo-men. Nigga, they’re women!
–26th & 8th
Wasn’t That a He-Man Villain?
Stoner: How do you spell “helter skelter”?
Friend: …exactly like it sounds.
Stoner: H‑e-l-k-e-t-o‑r s‑k-e-l-e-t-o‑r?
Friend: (shakes head in dismay)
–N Train
… That Coun’th
Chick #1: I had the best date last night… It was so big.
Chick #2: You don’t even know, girl. It’s not the length, it’s the roun’th.
–L train
Overheard by: Heather
And Get Stuffed and Mounted
Guy: So, what do you want to do?
Drunk girl: I’m really good with numbers, so maybe something like that?
Guy: You mean, like, accounting?
Drunk girl: Yeah. I want to be a taxidermist.
–In front of Subway Inn, 60th & Lex
