Archive for the ‘Yeaaahhh College!’ Category

Also, Our Eyes aren’t Open as Wide

College chick #1: Have you ever noticed it always gets dark really early during this time of year?
College chick #2: Yeah, I noticed it, too. But I was thinking that since it’s generally cloudier in autumn and winter that it really isn’t dark out earlier, it’s just really cloudy.
College chick #1: Wow, that makes so much sense!


I Think He’s a Latent Wednesday One-liner

Suit: I’m always really careful when I eat so I don’t have to take it up the ass when I go to the dry cleaner.

–Organic Grill, 1st Avenue

Man: I’m telling you, what you should do is take a picture of yourself naked now and then in about two, three months, take another one and compare. Maybe keep doing that, you know? Keep a photo album documenting it. I think you should.

–F train

Overheard by: Jenni Unicorn

Man on cell: Okay, I gotta go ’cause I’m fucking sweating my dick off.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kevin Kilroy 

College guy: Have you ever jacked off with your feet?

–TKTS, Duffy Square

Guy on cell: I have a blood clot in my asshole!

–15th & 3rd

Woman: He’s a good friend, but the sex is pretty awful. He a good kisser, but he has trouble further than that. I’m just not his type. I don’t have a penis.

–West 4th Street station

Overheard by: Rachel Adler

Puerto Rican guy: Second-best feeling in the world. First is sex. I
guarantee it.

–Barnes & Noble men’s room, Union Square

She Should Major in Double Entendres

Teen girl #1: Do you have your final college list yet?
Teen girl #2: It’s not exactly done.
Trannie: Seniors?
Teen girl #2: Yep!
Trannie: Either of you applying to Williams? I went there!
Teen girl #1: I was looking at it, but I’m not so sure. 

–1 train

Overheard by: michal 

Wednesday One-Liners Go Back to School

Art teacher: Now you are true students of FIT! Nobody listens to directions!


Suit on cell: I don’t know if going through water is resistance or friction, do you? God! I am so tired of doing the kid’s homework!

–46th between 7th & 8th

Female student: I think I’m gonna learn a lot. They were saying things that went, like, right over my head.


Overheard by: Jess McGins 

NYU girl on cell: No, I’m not going to waste the credits. I’m just going to fail the class on purpose.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: Kristin

Drunk chick: I’m majoring in the doggy-style orgasm. 

–Slainte, 1st & Bowery

Overheard by: Genevieve

Professor to class: Most of you are familiar with the breasts of members of the opposite sex who are close to your own age.

–Columbia University Medical Center

Professor: I have no idea what you’re saying, but I know you’re wrong.

–Vanderbilt Hall, NYU

Overheard by: The King Adrock

I Thought It Was a Finless Porpoise

College chick #1: It can’t be a muscle. It’s not a bicep.
College chick #2: Yeah, but the heart is a muscle, and the heart is an organ. It’s both.
College dude: It’s an organ. That’s why people always say, ‘He put his organ in her.’ [Passerby turns to look at them] See, that’s why I didn’t want to talk about this.

–50th St & Lex

Overheard by: Ben