Yuppie: …and I spent Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday teaching them the Golden Rule.
–Into cell phone, Lexington & 53rd
Archive for the ‘Yuppies’ Category
We Have a Very Wealthy Fuckwad Clientele
Yuppie customer: Can we have the tasting menu?
Waitress: You eat everything?
Yuppie customer: Yeah, sure.
Waitress: Gizzard?
Yuppie customer: I’ll eat the asshole if you put a tasty sauce on it.
Waitress: We don’t serve assholes here.
Yuppie customer: This is New York. How do you stay in business?
–Japanese restaurant
Overheard by: The Professor
God, That Brings Me Back
Hobo: Spare some change?
Yuppie woman: Sorry. But would you like some prosciutto with melon?
Hobo: Yeah, okay.
–96th & CPW
Overheard by: Jill
It’s Like Jersey Got Rich and Took a Bath
Suit: It’s up in Connecticut, right over the river in Norwalk, I think.
Lady suit: Oh, I don’t that Connecticut, I only know Danbury.
Suit: Isn’t that in Connecticut?
Lady suit: I told you, I don’t know Connecticut.
–Maiden Lane & South Street
Yuppie guy: I don’t know, man. I’m still on Connecticut time.
–W. 56th between 5th & 6th
Nobody in New York Knows the Difference between At-Home and Outside Conversations
Yuppie kid: Mommy shaves her hoo-hoo!
Yuppie dad: Okay, honey. Look, do you want your book?
Yuppie kid: I came in the bathroom this morning and asked Mommy what she was doing and she said shaving her hoo-hoo. Mommy shaves her hoo-hoo!
Yuppie dad: Dylan, remember when we discussed at-home conversations and outside conversations?
Yuppie kid: Yes.
Yuppie dad: Well, this is an at-home conversation.
Yuppie kid: Okay, daddy. [Sings to herself quietly] Mommmyyy shaves her hoo-hooo…
Black lady: See, home conversating, outside conversating — that’s bullshit. My kid says shit like that, I smack him. He won’t say shit like that again.
Yuppie dad: Okay, thank you, but I think our method works just fine.
Yuppie kid: Lady, do you shave your hoo-hoo?
Black lady: Oh, yeah, that shit is workin’ just fine. She’s all kinds of polite.
Yuppie dad: Okay, Dylan, this is our stop.
–R train
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
In Other Words, Limbo
Woman: Move in, motherfuckers, move in!
Yuppie guy: Wait for the next one, this is too packed.
Woman: Bitch, I have to be on this train!
Yuppie guy: This isn’t the train to heaven, you know. It’s, like, going to Queens.
–F train
Overheard by: Nickicaps
You’re Welcome, Grasshopper
Yuppie woman, bumping into a man: Sorry.
Man: Don’t say sorry. This is New York. Nobody says sorry.
Woman: What do you want me to say? Fuck you??
Man: That’s better. This is New York. Who says sorry?
Woman: Fuck you.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Young professional’s friend
Wednesday One-Liners Did Coke in the ’80s
Young lady yuppie on cell: It is a perfectly normal fear to be afraid of bubbles!
–83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: KS
Yuppie chick holding hands with yuppie boyfriend: Penis, penis, penis, penis.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sarah
Yuppie chick on cell: The thing about my ex is it’s, like, the story of ‘If you give a mouse a fucking cookie, I mean, eventually he’ll want to climb into bed with you and have you read him a fucking bedtime story.’
–Rector St
Yuppie: Let’s go find my ex-fiance and beat her up.
–46th & 8th
Oooh, or a Squeegee Lady!
Yuppie girlfriend: I can’t play this damn guitar!
Yuppie boyfriend: That’s okay. If you can’t play the guitar, you can always be a prostitute.
–A train
Overheard by: HC
…Just Like It Says on Our State Crest.
Yuppie woman, bumping into hobo: Oh, I’m sorry!
Hobo, turning around and following her: That’s okay! This is fucking New York! Don’t apologize! Bitches be knocking into everyone all the time!
–3rd Ave & 13th St
