A Wednesday One-Liner Can Also Be Used As a Letter Opener

Man: So I'm not going to be like, "pens!" (in falsetto) "Yeah!". I'm going to be like, "pens!" (in operatic baritone) "Yeah!"

–96th & Broadway

Guy on phone: Just hit her on the head with, like, a spatula… or a frying pan.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Jarred

Man standing on the street, mumbling: Dammit, spoon in your ass! (shouting) I was born with a spoon in my ass!

–13th & 5th

Overheard by: Nora

Woman: All of these improvements are bad!

–Bowery Kitchen Supply, Chelsea Market