Student: It’s not computers that’s fucking you up, it’s General Hospital.
–Pratt dorm, Willoughby Avenue
Overheard by: Eric Wrenn
Girl, 7: Sometimes, I wonder: who really did kill Kenny?
–M79 bus
- Posted on September 26, 2023
- All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, On the Bus, Students, TV
Guy: I drink so much coffee, that if my girlfriend gives me a blowjob she can’t sleep all night afterwards.
–Wall St. Starbucks
Black chick: It smells like the bottom of a slave ship in here.
–Sapphire Lounge, LES
- Posted on September 26, 2023
- All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Scents of the City, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary
Hobo: Folks, help me out. I am trying to get my rotor blade fixed on my helicopter!
–W. 10th and 7th Ave
Overheard by: Alex Wipf
Connecticut woman: It was such a joke among my friends; I was always going out with artists or unemployed people…which I guess is the same thing.
–Cuppa Cuppa, East Village
- Posted on September 25, 2023
- All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Dating, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Manhattan, Money & Class, People, Places, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex & Relationships, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues, West Village
Girl on cell: …and it was right after he said that that I started doing double penetration, and I’ve never looked back.
–C train
Overheard by: Mickey Marx
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the B train. B like, like, like, um, brothel.
–B train
Overheard by: ed
- Posted on September 25, 2023
- All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, On the Subway, Prostitution, Public Transportation, Wednesday One-Liners Vary
Girl on cell: I knew it was over when I grabbed his shirt and he told me I was pulling his hair.
–Bleecker & W. 11th
Overheard by: Alaska
Guy: Yeah, but the guy’s the Michael Jackson of dishwashing…
–Houston Street & Avenue B
Overheard by: Andrew Williams
- Posted on September 24, 2023
- About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Celebrities, Jobs & Careers, Union Square and East Village, West Village
Some kids were making gun noises.
Dad: Nah, the trick is to use a silencer.
–Amity Diner, UES
Overheard by: Anastasia Dyakovskaya
- Posted on September 24, 2023
- Dads, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoot
Chick: So you think that by you comin’ at me all gangsta you gonna get my pussy?
–6 train
Overheard by: brian
- Posted on September 23, 2023
- On the Subway, People, Pick-up Lines, Places, Private Parts, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Thugs, Topics, Vagina
Suit #1: So what did you think of the title I handed in for [Henderson]’s new job?
Suit #2: I was in Albany when you sent that out. I didn’t get a chance to read it.
Suit #1: I was going to write “potentate” but I wasn’t sure that I could spell it!
Suit #3: Well, most Caesars were murdered…
–Burger Heaven, 49th St.
- Posted on September 23, 2023
- Books & Writing, Business and Commerce, Central Park, Restaurants & Cafes, Suits
Guy: How about The Black Market Babies?
Girl: The Black Market Babies?
Guy: The thing is, there’s already a band called The Backyard Babies. If you know anything about The Backyard Babies, you wouldn’t want to be associated with them.
Girl: Isn’t that who Dana dated?
Guy: No. I got her backstage to meet him. She’s in the dressing room; I used my radio credentials to get her in. He was all ready to make a move and then he started vomiting! That’s when I met Joey Ramone. I was going to complain to Joey but he died shortly after.
–D train
- Posted on September 22, 2023
- Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Dating, Friends, Music, On the Subway
Bible Thwacker: Have you considered turning back to Jesus?
Woman: Have you considered licking my clitoris?
–Times Square
A psychic was handing out flyers, and was rebuffed by one woman with: Hey, if you were psychic, you’d know I don’t believe in that shit.
–Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
- Posted on September 22, 2023
- All Wednesday One-Liners, Comebacks, Eating Out, Jesus, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary
