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Guy on cell: I’m at Avenue of the Americas and…Little Brazil Street.

–W. 46th Street & 6th Avenue

A woman in a stupid fleece hat says to her friends, also in stupid fleece hats: This is my backyard when I’m not at the house!

–Central Park, 5th & 59th

Overheard by: Kat Martinez

Student: It’s not computers that’s fucking you up, it’s General Hospital.

–Pratt dorm, Willoughby Avenue

Overheard by: Eric Wrenn

Girl, 7: Sometimes, I wonder: who really did kill Kenny?

–M79 bus

Guy: I drink so much coffee, that if my girlfriend gives me a blowjob she can’t sleep all night afterwards.

–Wall St. Starbucks

Black chick: It smells like the bottom of a slave ship in here.

–Sapphire Lounge, LES

Hobo: Folks, help me out. I am trying to get my rotor blade fixed on my helicopter!

–W. 10th and 7th Ave

Overheard by: Alex Wipf

Connecticut woman: It was such a joke among my friends; I was always going out with artists or unemployed people…which I guess is the same thing.

–Cuppa Cuppa, East Village

Girl on cell: …and it was right after he said that that I started doing double penetration, and I’ve never looked back.

–C train

Overheard by: Mickey Marx

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the B train. B like, like, like, um, brothel.

–B train

Overheard by: ed

Girl on cell: I knew it was over when I grabbed his shirt and he told me I was pulling his hair.

–Bleecker & W. 11th

Overheard by: Alaska

Guy: Yeah, but the guy’s the Michael Jackson of dishwashing…

–Houston Street & Avenue B

Overheard by: Andrew Williams

Some kids were making gun noises.
Dad: Nah, the trick is to use a silencer.

–Amity Diner, UES

Overheard by: Anastasia Dyakovskaya

Chick: So you think that by you comin’ at me all gangsta you gonna get my pussy?

–6 train

Overheard by: brian

Suit #1: So what did you think of the title I handed in for [Henderson]’s new job?
Suit #2: I was in Albany when you sent that out. I didn’t get a chance to read it.
Suit #1: I was going to write “potentate” but I wasn’t sure that I could spell it!
Suit #3: Well, most Caesars were murdered…

–Burger Heaven, 49th St.

Guy: How about The Black Market Babies?
Girl: The Black Market Babies?
Guy: The thing is, there’s already a band called The Backyard Babies. If you know anything about The Backyard Babies, you wouldn’t want to be associated with them.
Girl: Isn’t that who Dana dated?
Guy: No. I got her backstage to meet him. She’s in the dressing room; I used my radio credentials to get her in. He was all ready to make a move and then he started vomiting! That’s when I met Joey Ramone. I was going to complain to Joey but he died shortly after.

–D train