Guy: Why would I struggle with a bigger woman?
Friend: Because you are not agile!

–49th & 3rd

Girl: It’s weird: I’m a cross between a radical feminist and a frat boy.
Boy: It’s because you love drinking and fucking.
Girl: And critical theory!

–Rudy’s, 44th & 9th

Overheard by: holden caufield

Dumb blonde #1: What do they even have in Boston, anyway?
Dumb blonde #2: I don’t know, like chowder, or lobster…
Dumb blonde #1: Nuh‐uh, you’re so stupid. The best lobster is totally in Nashville. I know cuz I’ve had it.

–Equitable Building, 120 Broadway

Woman: She brought a bottle of vodka on the plane with her. She was doing shots the whole flight.

–Central Park

Overheard by: sarah

Conductor: The next stop is Cherry Hill, but for the men singing, it was alcohol.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Date Rape

Smooth operator: Don’t worry, I thought you were pretty before I got drunk.


Party girl: Yeah, so I did like 10 shots and woke up the next day wearing only one shoe and a sombrero.

–51st St & Broadway

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have spent all my money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… But now, I have learned my lesson. I want to spend all your money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… and viagra…

–Union Square, uptown 6 train

Guy: Dude, I can’t get that drunk. I am trying to fuck that girl tonight.

–Outside Columbia dorm

Bimbette: Oh my god, it was a terrorist act! I’m going to the wine bar.

–68th St & York

Dad to sullen goth son: Are you okay?
Goth: I will be…someday.


Skinny, black charity mugger: Hey, look at you! Help feed the homeless!
Chubby white chick: No, sorry.
Skinny, black chugger: You, feed the homeless!
Chubby white chick: Sorry, no thanks, I’m late.
Skinny, black chugger: You big enough to feed the homeless!

–Broadway & 10th

Overheard by: booksandlibretti

Middle‐aged woman: I’ve had three pregnancies so far this year!

–Union Square

Classy gal to friend: I said, “listen bitch, I would beat you up, but you’re fucking pregnant!”

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: astoria mets fan

Ghetto girl to another: I don’t know how it happened! He pulls out all the time!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Chris Harmison

Overweight girl: I wish I was pregnant again. They treat you special when you’re pregnant.

–W 39th St

Gay man in hipster glasses, sticking ass out: Papi! It hurts! Open it up and see what’s wrong!
Blonde white girl, whining: But what does that meeeeeeannnnn?

–Bleecker & Perry

Blonde tourist #1: I think we have plenty of time before our train leaves. What time is it?
Blonde tourist #2: I have no idea. My cell phone is dead. [To passing suit] Um, sir? Do you know what time it is?
Suit, rolling his eyes up at huge clock, then at blondes: Nope.

–Grand Central info booth with four‐sided clock on top

Overheard by: Matt

Junior #1: Are you gonna audition for Guys and Dolls?
Junior #2: Meh, that musical’s not for me, I’m really not into the whole “Cuba” thing.
Junior #3: But, it’s not all in Cuba…
Junior #2: It’s also cause I have a really hard time throwing dice well, and I heard that’s a big part of it.
Junior #1: That’s why I always win at Monopoly.
Junior #3: What where we talking about?
Junior #2: Monopoly.

–LaGuardia High School

Overheard by: Taylor