NYU girl #1: It’s almost like… a pseudo-lesbian crush… I mean, I don’t wanna touch her or anything.
NYU girl #2: Yeah, I don’t wanna touch her, I just…
NYU girl #1: I just, like, want her to lay in my bed with me and tell stories.
–Washington Square Park
Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.
–Battery Park
Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It’s people like that who give New York City a bad name.
–Lindy’s, 7th Ave
Overheard by: joemikehap
Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I’m a New Yorker; it’s practically a requirement!
–F train
Overheard by: Braincurve
Tourist on cell: Yeah! I’m in New York! Yeah, it’s kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can’t drink in the streets.
–Grand Central
Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Laura
Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that’s why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York…except for niggas on the train.
–Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Clitoris Rex
Little girl: There’s a lot of people in this New York City!
–Times Square
Lady #1: I wonder what that kid over there is reading.
Lady #2: God, if my kid read I’d kill it.
Lady #1: Amy!*
Lady #2: Seriously, I’m never buying my kids books.
–Yankee Stadium
Girl on cell, looking for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I’m directly under it right now.
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Guy on cell: Yeah, we’ll go now. Okay. Right now, I’m at 116 and Hamsterdam – Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a disturbing mental image. Yeah, exactly. River full of hamsters. Okay, see ya.
–116th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: That would be truly terrifying.
Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I’m on the downtown side of the street!
–East Side
Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I’m on the corner of fuckin’ somethin’ an somethin’.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I’m at the corner of Charles Street and motherfucking I don’t know!
–West Village
Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we’re at 7th Avenue.
–G Train
Asian guy #1: Dude, the Wii is so much better than the Cube.
Asian guy #2: No, the Cube is so much better!
Asian guy #3: Yeah, the Cube has so much more power, and the dynamics of the graphics…
Asian guy #2, interrupting: The graphics! They are soooo awesome!
Asian guy #1: Hey, guys? Why are we talking about video games?
Asian guy #3: Because we’re boys.
Asian guy #2: Nah…because we’re Asian.
Asian guy #3: Dude, if I could be Colossus it would be sooo cool, cuz I wouldn’t have to wear my glasses anymore!
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: Emma
Headline by: Doc Dan
Runners-Up:
· “And Have an Undersized Metal Penis!” — Patrick
· “Every Asian Girl´s Parents´ Wet Dream!” — Ria
· “It Was at This Moment Kim Jong-il Selected His Son to Be His Successor” — What about NES?
· “Somewhere, the Mutant Sunspot Is Gently Weeping” — wirrrn
Guy #1: I’m so tired. The monks kept me up all night.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: There are a bunch of Buddhist monks staying at my house.
Guy #2, laughing: What? Are you serious? Why are they there?
Guy #1: Because my mom is a political activist or something.
Guy #2: (laughs)
Guy #1: It’s not even funny, it’s just weird. I have all these Buddhist monks plotting a revolution in my living room!
–Stuyvesant High School
Black guy: Yo, I can’t believe I turn 30 tomorrow.
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.
Black guy: Like, I’ve got a family and a career! What the fuck is that all about?! What happened to my wrestling dream?!
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.
–J Train
Teen guy #1: I’m totally gonna dump Christine.
Teen guy #2: No way! She’s awesome-hot! What did she do?
Teen guy #1: Yesterday she asked me why chicken breasts don’t have nipples.
Teen guy #2: That’s nothing! Why are you gonna dump her over… Oh… She probably doesn’t know about your dud nipple.
Teen guy #1: Dude! Don’t call it that!
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: eating
Chick: So, um, like, yeah. I mean, you know, I mean, well, when you think it’s right but it isn’t, you know, then it’s like, um, yeah. I don’t know what I’m saying.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Fratboy: We went to that bar once cause I heard there were lots of skanks in there. But there were no skanks! It sucked.
–outside Blue & Gold, East Village
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist