He’ll Have His Own Travel Show within a Month

Blonde tourist squinting at sign: It says in small letters, ‘African-American burial ground, Historic District.’
Hobo: That’s right. They’s dead niggas all over the mothafucka. Right under the pavement. Paved right over they ass without no mothafuckin’ consideration whatsoever. You probably standing over a dead nigga right now.
Blonde tourist: That’s terrible. How did they find them?
Hobo: The white man was diggin’ here for something — I dunno, prob’ly thought there was some money under the sidewalk, and all they found was a bunch of dead niggas. So they covered ’em up again and put up them signs.
Blonde tourist, handing hobo a dollar: Well, thank you very much.
Hobo: And thank you, ma’am. Any other historical information you need, come back and ask for Willie.

–Center St & Pearl St

Overheard by: Big Larry

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Reltney

Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?"

–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU

Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now.


Overheard by: fingerling

Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid.

–Hard Rock Cafe

Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner.

–McCarren Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: kalbijim

Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning?


The Joy Luck Wednesday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!

–59th St & 11th

Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.

–Grand Street Stop, D Train

Overheard by: Justin W

Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!

–Port Authority

20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?


Overheard by: RedShikari

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