Wednesday One-Liners Hear the Call of Cthulhu

Hobo to teen girl with red hands: Wow, your hands are so red. You must have a condition. Yeah, that’s what it must be, a condition. You know, I have a condition, too. I’m a werewolf.

–4 train

Girl: Jewish lesbians? Are you kidding me? They don’t exist. That’s like vampire cowboys.

–16th St & Park Ave South

Overheard by: C-Star

30-ish alternaguy: No, man, he was like a mer-wolf… You know, like a mermaid and a werewolf in one.

–Spring & Lafayette

Hot blonde: But we really are just male elves with long hair and boobs!

–140th & Broadway

Overheard by: Three-Headed Monster

Dude on cell: Yeah and then she started whinnying in excitement right on top of me, like a fucking unicorn or some shit… Yeah, I guess it was pretty hot.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Shane

Small, excited Mexican child: Is it zombies? I know — it’s the Grim Reaper!

–D train, 36th St atation

Overheard by: Jon A.

Tofu : Vegetables :: Dick Cheney : Humans

Veggie-curious girl: I like to get this really great dressing and then add all sorts of interesting vegetables.
Supportive friend: Like what?
Veggie-curious girl: Tofu!

–Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: receptionist

Headline by: EddieA

Runners-Up:
· “And Croutons!” – Vanessa
· “Gesundheit!” – Sandy Paws
· “If Regan Can Make Ketchup a Vegetable, Why the Fuck Not?” – Humberto
· “It’s the Other White Vegetable” – do2na
· “Sometimes I Get Crazy and Add Bacon Bits!” – Botticus
· “The Vitamin Deficiency Related Death Was Really No Surprise” – Proletariat

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

But Not for Real

Thug: Hey, man… You look like you’re from California with that hair. Are ya?
Guy with long blond hair: Yes, I am.
Thug: How you like ‘at? I been thinkin’ about movin’ out to California.
Guy with long blond hair: It’s great — people are more real here in New York, though. I used to live in San Francisco, which is a great.
Thug: Oh, how far is San Francisco from California?
Guy with long blond hair: San Francisco is in California.
Thug: Oh, what city is it in?
Guy with long blond hair: San Francisco… Okay, this is my stop.

–Manhattan-bound F train

Overheard by: Dave S

Not to Worry– It's Just a Baby.

Conductor #1, annoyed at doors opening and closing: Anybody else?
(doors to train finally close and train starts to move)
Conductor #2: I think you missed one.

–Downtown C Train


Wednesday Really Pumps Out the One-Liners

Guy to female friend: There's a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet.

–E 3rd St & 1st Ave

Guy: The world is my cumrag!

–4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jordan Bruce

Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids.

–32nd & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Matt

Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don't want to jism on a girl's back…yet.

–Times Square

Overheard by: watching her back

Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye)

–1 Train

Overheard by: hsw