*Points to Nose*

Guy to friend: No one is good at charades. Even the person with the highest score doesn't remember how they got there. If you have something to say, then say it! Unless, of course, your name is Mattel, Milton Bradley… etc.

–18th St

I Know We Work on the First Floor, But It Would Be So Embarassing for Her

Lady suit: I mean, if she got hit by a bus or something and he was grieving and I brought over a casserole, he would totally fall in love with me.
Suit #1: It would have to be a damn good casserole.
Lady suit: I make a damn good casserole–have you never had my casserole?
Suit #2: Maybe we should invite her over to the office and have a party on the balcony, and then we can all bump into her at the same time and push her off.

–Lincoln Plaza Cinemas

Overheard by: indie movie girl

Shhh! Don't You Know Where We Are?

Woman #1, washing her hands: So I went to see Cirque du Soleil the other night.
Woman #2, in a stall: Really?
Woman #1: And this guy is doing this whole routine with chairs. He just had a whole mess of chairs, and he was balancing them on each other, and he was sometimes balancing on them too.
Woman #2: Ok…
Woman #1: And it made me realize, I really appreciate chairs. I just fucking hate Cirque du Soleil.

–Ladies' Room, Bowery Poetry Club

Overheard by: also a fan

Nike Does — They’re Called Knee Pads

Girl #1: I think I should get these high heel shoes ’cause Joe is really tall so I need to like, be able to reach him when I’m giving him head.
Girl #2: But…how would that help? You’re gonna be on your knees anyway.
Girl #1: Oh, that’s true. Hmm, do you think Steve makes something for that?

–Steve Madden, 83rd St.

Overheard by: Amanda Fox

Real Bunny Eyes Dissolve, Too

Girl #1: We did this experiment with Peeps in high school. Nothing dissolved them. Not hydrochloric acid. Highly concentrated. Not sulfuric acid. Highly concentrated. Not nitric acid. Highly concentrated. Nothing dissolved except the eyes.
Girl #2: So how come when I eat Peeps, my poop isn’t pink and sparkly?
Girl #1: Oh, there’s ingredient breakdown and bile’s involved, but you pretty much shit Peep.

–Metro-North train

Bonding with the Homeless (NYC Short Stories)

A hobo tells a woman: If you’re ever in trouble, come to this place, yell out my name, and I’ll protect you with my guns.

He holds up both his vodka bottles.

–World Trade Center E station

Overheard by: Ting

A hobo takes his shoes off. The woman sitting next to him gets up with a disgusted look on her face and moves to another seat. The hobo massages his bare feet and shouts to her: Yeah, well your sister is the opposite of um, uh, hot!

–E train

Overheard by: Jeni Aron

Sugar and Spice and Everything Ripe

Teen boy: You know, some guys think it’s cute when a girl farts.
Teen girl: That’s only until they smell it.

–1 train

Overheard by: anna

Headline by: jay

Runners-Up:

· “Dr. Strangelove or How I learned not to worry and love the bomb.” – Pavel

· “Find skidmarks in her panties and you’ve found a keeper” – Girls don’t do #2

· “Smells like teen sphincter” – Leon

· “Then they just get jealous.” – Peacock


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners for Diane Keaton

Straight guy in hot pink underwear: Yeah, I've fallen asleep in deer stands, and all kinds of weird places.

–Gold's Gym, 54th St

Overheard by: Johnny V

Girl on cell: His hair is wiry and weird. He had a party and sold raffle tickets, the winner got to restyle his hair. He's weird.

–1 Train

Overheard by: whirlygirlie518

White teen girl to friends: No, no, no! I told you guys, if I marry a Japanese, then there's all that weird sex stuff. I'm marrying Korean. They're adorable, and don't have that weird communism thing the Chinese do.

–Chinatown

Girl from Nashville on cell: They serve like weird pasta here with weird vegetables and weird meat. My favorite meal here is breakfast. I am so ready to go home!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: D-Law