Customer: A hot coffee, please.
Cashier: Huh?
–Starbucks, 28th & 3rd
I Take Drugs to Forget
Columbia student #1: It’s funny how many kids do coke at this school… Actually, it’s disgusting.
Columbia student #2: Wait, but you just bought an eightball a few hours ago.
Columbia student #1: Oh, yeah.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: keith smith
At Which Point He Recommended Botox
36-year-old bald clubster: There's no way you're 36. I'm 36, and there's just no way.
36-year-old woman: No! Really, I am.
36-year-old bald clubster: What did you do–make a deal with the devil?
36-year-old woman: We've talked.
–Union Square
Overheard by: birdie
Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie Was Better in My Imagination
Tween: I just didn't think it would be so…gooey.
Tween friends, in unison: Ew!
–Barnes & Noble, Bayside
Overheard by: bookseller
…And Letting Me Steal Your Wallets?
Old man: Are you guys tourists or something?
Couple: Yes.
Old man: Is that why you're walking so fucking slow?!
–8th St Station
Overheard by: Mary Button
Populated by Ignorant Yet Stylish Tourists?
Girl to friend: I don't even know what Morocco's like.
Friend: Well, they filmed Sex and the City 2 there–that's what it's like!
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: AMC
Are There No Applebee's? Are All the Olive Gardens Full?
Woman at table: Ugh, I can't believe they would do that! It's so rude!
Friend: Who? What?
Woman: Bring a child out. (motions to screaming toddler two tables away)
Friend: Well, it's not like they farted or something.
Woman: Still, it's gross. This isn't Connecticut, and there should be laws–for everyone's safety!
–Dos Caminos, Soho
Overheard by: Tommy
He Was Gay Enough, Though
Woman #1: So, I heard you broke up with your fiancé. What happened?
Woman #2: Well, it turns out he was gay.
Woman #1: Oh, I am so sorry. Did you have any idea?
Woman #2: Yeah, I thought he was gay when I met him, but then we had sex and I thought, Well, if he can have sex with me, he can’t be that gay…
–Tennis courts, Central Park West
Ever Get the Sense That Every Day Is Like an Episode Of Springer?
Tall, gorgeous girl to much shorter, uglier boyfriend: Why do you need to know were I was last night? I thought you said our relationship was all about trust!
Boyfriend: I'm your boyfriend! I have a right to know where you were and who you were with!
(as they stop walking and argue loudly, a small crowd begins to gather)
Tall girl: Do you thing I was cheating? Why would you think that? You're the one that said you're the only one that will ever love me!
(crowd boos boyfriend)
Boyfriend: I am the only man that will ever love you!
Random guy in crowd: I love you!
Boyfriend: You love me?
Random guy: No you douchebag, your girlfriend!
–Broadway & Wall St.
Just Wait 'Til You Have Little Wednesday One-Liners Of Your Own!
Upper West Side dad on phone: Dude, it's a fine line between, "hey, man, can you pay more attention to my kids, they have untapped potential," and, "listen man, you'd better pay more attention to my kids." You know? Yeah, you don't want him to be like, "what a dick, fuck his stupid slow kids, now they get no attention."
–74th St & Columbus
Overheard by: rick
Black lady: I got a kid, you got a kid, hey hey hey!
–Midtown
Overheard by: greg
50-something woman smoking cigarette, on phone: That was about the PTA meeting for my son's school tonight, I'm not fucking going to that shit.
–48th b/w 5th & 6th
Overheard by: Mike
Ghetto dude: My motto is "you better not bring yo' kids."
–A Train
Overheard by: Wesley