Put away your skewer jokes — we’ve posted a new contest! Click here to read the entry and submit your headline. The winner of Monday’s contest will be posted this coming Monday.
Winners of this and future contests will get a copy of the book Overheard in New York, signed by Morgan Friedman (until we run out).
An activist tries to give a guy a pamphlet.
Guy: I don’t believe in human rights.
Activist: I hope a tyrant kills your family!
–Times Square
Shopper: Will you have spring shoes out next week?
Saleslady: What?
Shopper: Spring shoes! Next week?
Saleslady: Spring?
Shopper: Yeah, downstairs they told me you always have the next season’s shoes out one season ahead.
Saleslady: Spring?
Shopper: Yes! Spring! Next week!
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Roxy Chanel McPink
Chinese-Canadian girl: Where are we going next?
Mom: Chinatown.
Girl: I thought Chinatown was in Canada…?
–Empire State Building
Confused Hispanic woman (feet away from tree): What is going on here?
Unenthusiastic cop: I don’t know… some big tree.
–Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting
Angry rider after missing a stop: Why can’t you just pull over? You was only like this far away?
Bus driver: I can only stop at designated stops, I’m sorry.
Angry rider: You could have stopped, you just wanted to be a dick.
Bus driver: Yeah, you would know — you suck enough of it.
–BX9 bus
Overheard by: Don’t know much about it
Tall guy to short guy: You gotta have a beer.
Short guy: Why do I have to have a beer if I am a rabbi?
–Grand & Broadway
Fruit stand guy: Too much papaya! Too much marijuana! Too much cocaine!
–Dean & Court, Cobble Hill
Overheard by: Zach
Asian girl: You’re not following the diet plan! It’s either junk food or no food!
–Stuyvesant High School
Obese Midwestern tourist: So are we gonna go get that falafel thing?
Other Midwestern tourist: Well, if we're gonna go to Hooters we don't need to get the falafel thing.
Obese Midwestern tourist: Why not? I could eat both.
Other Midwestern tourist: Do you know what a falafel thing is?
Obese Midwestern tourist: It's like ice cream.
Other Midwestern tourist: Oh, really? I thought that was gelato.
Obese Midwestern tourist: No, dumbass.
Other Midwestern tourist: Okay, well I guess you'd know…
–7 Train
Overheard by: Caitlin
Excited teen: Danny! Check out my new MacBook Pro!
Danny: Wow, a Mac? So, now what? You’re going to buy black-rimmed glasses, a shirt from Urban Outfitters, and the new Franz Ferdinand CD?
Excited teen: But… You already have all that stuff.
–Columbia
