Fresh Beer and Stale Arcade Games Kill Time, Not People

Cop #1: Hey fellas, where you coming from?
Driver: We were in Brooklyn, at Barcade.
Cop #1: Oh, yeah, Barcade. I know that place, it fucking sucks.
Cop #2: Hey, driver, pop your trunk.
Cop #1: Hey, come on, he doesn't need to pop his trunk. These guys ain't killing nobody.

–9-11 Bomb Checkpoint, Williamsburg Bridge

Overheard by: Michael S

Wednesday Vaginers

Girl on train: You know sometimes when you feel like your vaginal walls are collapsing in on themselves?

–LaGuardia High School

Black man to blacker friend: Damn, I done lost plenty a bruthas to the street. But I ain't never lost none to the pussy.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Missalicious

20-something elegant girl on BlackBerry: No, I *don't* need you in my vagina. But thanks.

–23rd & 8th

Office-clad lady to another: I felt like my vagina ran from my belly button to the base of my spine!

–Ave A & 3rd

Overheard by: While on hold with 311

30-something female to friend: Unless she has a head crowning from her cooch, you shouldn't ask that.

–12th St & Ave A

Woman on cell: Pussy is pussy! It don't matter nigga! (pause] Oh, dammit. Dammit. Oh, dammit. I missed my fucking stop!

–M3 Bus, Upper East Side

Overheard by: Desiree

Wednesday One-Liners Join the Jet Set

Intercom voice: If you heard your name, or something that sounds like it could be your name, please board your plane. It is leaving!

–AirTran gates, LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Security official: Okay, people, have your boarding passes out! If you don’t have your boarding passes out, I’m sending you to Amtrak!

–Security screening line, LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Beth T

Pilot, on crowded runway: Welcome to the parking lot known as LaGuardia Airport.

–LaGuardia Tarmac

Pilot: The mist you are seeing is caused by a difference in temperature. The temperature outside is different from the temperature inside. Once we close the door and prepare for take-off, the mist will disappear, which will make us very sad because we like mist.

–Jetblue flight into New York

Overheard by: Denise

Pilot: Good afternoon, passengers. We are about to make our final descent into John F. Kennedy International Airport, so buckle your seatbelts and hold on tight.

–Flight into JFK

Overheard by: frequent flyer

Sassy flight attendant: In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will be released from the overhead above your seat. After the screaming subsides, please place the oxygen mask around your nose and mouth. If you are traveling with a child or an adult who is acting like a child, place your mask on first before attempting to help put theirs on.

–Flight out of LaGuardia

Overheard by: Ronnie F

Flight attendant: …and for those of you who wish to smoke, quit! And if you want to smoke inside, you came to the wrong state.

–Spirit Air flight into LaGuardia

Overheard by: Kathryn

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