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Girl on cell: Oh my god, I’m the embodiment of crack right now. I’m still drunk from last night. And wow, I just got a bad look from two Mexicans and we know that never happens. Oh my god, another bad Mexican look. What the fuck is happening? Oh my god, a cat…Shut up, oh my god, the world is conspiring against me. As soon as I said “cat” a kid came around the corner. What’s next, a demon? Cats, kids, demons.

–12th & A

Hipster chick on cell: If it’s a vampire party then I’d totally be out of place because I don’t look anything like a vampire tonight, I’m wearing, like, a blue kimono.

–2nd & A

Drunk girl: I love scrotum!
Guy: Dude, we should completely ask her to come home with us.

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: danie

A bunch of people walk by a guy peeing.

Guy: Don’t fucking look at my penis!

–St. Marks

Girl #1: These paintings are so bright and colorful, but sad.
Girl #2: I know what you mean. Chagall does that. It’s like really bright crazy colors but then makes you feel awful.
Girl #1: It’s so Jewish.

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Vicki

Two teens are watching Jeopardy! through a store glass window.

Teen boy #1: I can read lips; that guy said he liked to suck cock.
Teen boy #2: You mean, “What is, ‘I like to suck cock’?”

–14th & B

Overheard by: meghan

Girl #1: He’s coming into town to visit me this weekend…but he says he doesn’t wanna leave the house except to go eat sushi.
Girl #2: Ew, sushi.
Girl #1: I know, right? He expects me to eat that shit? I’m not a fucking polar bear.

–7 train

Overheard by: rachel

Filthy man: You three ladies know this dude?
Girl #1: Uh, yeah.
Filthy man: Oh. Okay. ‘Cause I was about to pull out my AK47 and shoot him dead.

The elevator stops.

Filthy man: You all have a nice night.

–Hotel Carter, West 43rd Street

Overheard by: onesong

Hobo: Hey dude, got a drink?
Guy: No, man. If I gave you a drink I’d be enabling you. You know what that is? I’ll be helping you by not getting you a drink.
Hobo: You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.

–St. Marks & 1st

Overheard by: Jasmine Moy

Drunk girl: Can you tell me where 3rd and 12th is?
Guy: You’re standing on it.
Drunk girl: Do you know where Bar None is?
Guy: Right under that huge Bar None sign.

–3rd Avenue between 12th & 13th

Overheard by: kristcollekt