Woman to husband in magazine section: Honey, I’m just going to run to the bathroom before I pay for all…
Husband, interrupting: Whatever. (to stranger) Ugh! Marriage. I have a son, too. It just gets worse and worse, doesn’t it?
–Barnes & Noble, Bayside
Overheard by: sympathetic bookseller
Guy: You bought your boyfriend swords?
Girl: We had just started going out.
–NY Comic Con, Javits Center
Overheard by: Kevin Frost
Volunteer with clipboard: Do you have a minute to help the environment?
Suit on cell: Fuck the environment, I hope the shit blows up!
–14 St b/w 5th & 6 Ave
Girl: I want to see that.
Guy: What’s it about?
Girl: The war in Europe.
–West 4th Street station
Female cop to kissing couple: Get a room!
Guy, looking up: A room?! I can’t even afford a blow job!
–Union Square
Overheard by: geneva c.
Terrifying gym girl #1: That’s it – we’re excluding her from fun time.
Terrifying gym girl #2: I think she knows that.
Terrifying gym girl #1: She does not know! She does not fucking know!
–Equinox Gym, Union Square
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl #1: I hate people who keep talking because they love the sound of their own voice! Like, unless you’re gonna tell me about shoving a chicken up your vagina, I don’t wanna hear it!
Girl #2: That’s the second time we’ve talked about chicken girl and I still don’t know her name.
–Crown Heights
Overheard by: chris k.
Guy #1: Yo, you know that girl Maria?
Guy #2: Which one, the one with the fucked-up eyes or the one with the fucked-up hair?
Guy #1: The one with the fucked-up bug eye.
Guy #2: What about her? Did you fuck her?
Guy #1: That’s right, I fucked her. Boom, boom!
–Uptown 6 train
College chick to three pals: Last night I had a dream about non-white people.
–1 train
Overheard by: MLK-what?
Black boyfriend tying white girl’s shoe: Isn’t this racist?
–65th & Broadway
Bimbette: I can’t tell the difference between Chinese people, Japanese people, Koreans, and Asians.
–Times Square
Overheard by: me neither..
Black guy to another: So, what the Palestinians are sayin’ is how did the Jews leave black and come back white?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: FabAb
Teacher: When you break down racial groups’ IQs statistically, different races are smarter than others. So, there’s no mystery here, blacks and Latinos are at the bottom, whites and Asians are on top. Well, actually, Asians score the highest so go ahead and feel proud of yourselves.
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: LSB
Professor: I use the word ‘race,’ but it’s just a code we use for ‘African American.’
–Silver Center, Washington Square
Hipster boy: He’s such a fucking loser — he just has to admit it. I mean, I’m a loser, and I’m fine with it.
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, it sucks to be a loser and not be cool with him.
Hipster girl #2: I never leave the house anymore.
Hipster boy: Me neither. Last week I bought an antennae for my TV, and sweatpants and weed. I only left the house today because I ran out of milk.
Hipster girl #1: Awesome.
–A train
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist