Construction worker #1: My boss, he's got a mustache like Hitler.
Construction worker #2: Mine's a Jew.
–Astoria
Sold!
Girl promoter to girl walking with friends: Do you like stand-up comedy?
Girl with friends: I like sit-down comedy.
Girl promoter: We have chairs.
–Broadway & 47th
She Also Thinks Andrew Jackson Is Michael and Jermaine's Brother
Woman (reading Playbill before theater play: Oh, look Sharon*, someone's going to play one of the Marx brothers.
Friend: Which one?
Woman: Karl Marx.
–Lincoln Center
Junk Food, If You Follow Me
Boy #1: What's up with you two, anyway?
Boy #2: I mean I should just break up with her, because at this point I'm just using her for food.
–NYU Library
They Should Start Selling Souvenir Bandanas
Tourist girl: Oh my god, did you see them? Did you see the lesbians?
Bored guy friend: Yes.
Tourist girl: That was so cool!
–1st & York
Overheard by: Not quite as excited
…Since You Pooped in It
Little boy: Mom, is this a potty?
Mom: No it's the subway exit.
Little boy: It smells like a potty.
–F Train
What You Get for Talking to Strangers
Cokehead: Hey buddy, you got a cigarette?
Brit tourist: Yeah, man. Here.
Cokehead: Hey, smell my face.
Brit tourist: Why?
Cokehead: Just smell it, go on! (sticks chin out and pushes face to Brit’s nose)
Brit tourist: No way man, why?
Coke head: Please.
(Brit tourist smells his face)
Brit tourist: What is that?
Cokehead: That’s the smell of a thousand-dollar hooker’s pussy.
–42nd & 3rd
McDreamy Wednesday One-Liners
Woman: Why are you not breathing? You’re the worst patient ever!
–ER, Methodist Hospital
Overheard by: Gena
Hipster to boyfriend: So, I lost three pounds last week. It’s because I went to the gynecologist…
–28th & 8th
Overheard by: Waiting for the next sentence
Nurse pushing old man in wheelchair: I’m not a real nurse.
–St. John’s Hospital
Boyfriend to girlfriend as they consume foot-long hotdogs: You’ve gotta ask yourself one question. Are you prepared to put your hands in shit every day? Because that’s all a job in health care is — putting your hands in shit.
–45th & 8th
Overheard by: kat
EMT rolling patient in on stretcher: This is the most ghetto hospital ever!
–ER, Woodhull Hospital, Brooklyn
One-Liners Are All Wednesday Can Afford
11-year-old girl: Yo mamma's broke cuz she spend all her money on rhinestones and cigarttes!
–Riverside Branch Library
Overheard by: always listening
Polite lady: Go straight down that way and cut through the projects–don't worry, they're mixed income–and you'll see it when you come out on A.
–1st Ave & 5th St.
Overheard by: Mrqs
Old lady waiting for the bathroom: How long do people stay in toilets? Jesus! It's a public toilet! There are all these people from the streets that come in, and they always pee on the floor. Well, that's what happens when you're poor.
–NY Public Library
Overheard by: Avery
Homegirl to friend: So she was like "oh, my name's Diamond. And this is my sister, her name's Ruby. Our daddy named us after stuff he can't afford." I was like, shit, if that was the case, my daddy woulda call us "lights" and "gas."
–Prospect Park
Nerdish teen: What the hell was a warlock doing in a dungeon when he had no money?
–C Train
Overheard by: Andrew
Clone-Boy Is Filled With Jealous Rage
Guy hitting on girl: So where are you from?
Disinterested girl: New York.
Guy hitting on girl: No, where are you originally from?
Disinterested girl: My parents.
–East Village Bar
