Overheard In New York

Are There No Applebee's? Are All the Olive Gardens Full?

Woman at table: Ugh, I can't believe they would do that! It's so rude!
Friend: Who? What?
Woman: Bring a child out. (motions to screaming toddler two tables away)
Friend: Well, it's not like they farted or something.
Woman: Still, it's gross. This isn't Connecticut, and there should be laws–for everyone's safety!

–Dos Caminos, Soho

Overheard by: Tommy

He Was Gay Enough, Though

Woman #1: So, I heard you broke up with your fiancé. What happened?
Woman #2: Well, it turns out he was gay.
Woman #1: Oh, I am so sorry. Did you have any idea?
Woman #2: Yeah, I thought he was gay when I met him, but then we had sex and I thought, Well, if he can have sex with me, he can’t be that gay…

–Tennis courts, Central Park West

Ever Get the Sense That Every Day Is Like an Episode Of Springer?

Tall, gorgeous girl to much shorter, uglier boyfriend: Why do you need to know were I was last night? I thought you said our relationship was all about trust!
Boyfriend: I'm your boyfriend! I have a right to know where you were and who you were with!
(as they stop walking and argue loudly, a small crowd begins to gather)
Tall girl: Do you thing I was cheating? Why would you think that? You're the one that said you're the only one that will ever love me!
(crowd boos boyfriend)
Boyfriend: I am the only man that will ever love you!
Random guy in crowd: I love you!
Boyfriend: You love me?
Random guy: No you douchebag, your girlfriend!

–Broadway & Wall St.

Just Wait 'Til You Have Little Wednesday One-Liners Of Your Own!

Upper West Side dad on phone: Dude, it's a fine line between, "hey, man, can you pay more attention to my kids, they have untapped potential," and, "listen man, you'd better pay more attention to my kids." You know? Yeah, you don't want him to be like, "what a dick, fuck his stupid slow kids, now they get no attention."

–74th St & Columbus

Overheard by: rick

Black lady: I got a kid, you got a kid, hey hey hey!

–Midtown

Overheard by: greg

50-something woman smoking cigarette, on phone: That was about the PTA meeting for my son's school tonight, I'm not fucking going to that shit.

–48th b/w 5th & 6th

Overheard by: Mike

Ghetto dude: My motto is "you better not bring yo' kids."

–A Train

Overheard by: Wesley

…We Can at Least Make This an Educational Experience.

Adopted boy on PlayStation to gay father: Why can't we just get on this next bus?
Gay father: Noah, I told you, this bus doesn't go to where we want to go. Do you want to go stay at someone else's house? (under his breath) I'd like to send you to someone else's house…
Adopted boy: Ugh, well, how long do we have to wait?
Gay father: Until the next bus! C'mon, let's go wait in Hooters.

–Hampton Jitney, Queens

Overheard by: sarah