Drunk blonde girl on cell: I’m here! I’m here! I don’t know where I am!
–St. Marks Place
Overheard by: Kristin
Guy on cell: I’m coming up Bedford, and… I don’t know, on the corner of Bedford and Jews.
–Bedford & Heyward
High school boy on cell: Where am I at? I’m in morning… Uh, morning wood park.
–Morningside Park
Overheard by: wirehead
Teenage girl on cell: I don’t know where I am … I’m just here!
–Sheridan Square
Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.
–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Dara
Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty
–59th St Subway Station
Overheard by: nickporjr
Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.
–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…
–21st St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Sean
Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!
–104th & West End
Overheard by: communist!
Yuppie woman, bumping into a man: Sorry.
Man: Don’t say sorry. This is New York. Nobody says sorry.
Woman: What do you want me to say? Fuck you??
Man: That’s better. This is New York. Who says sorry?
Woman: Fuck you.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Young professional’s friend
College girl #1: …and this guy’s a really good kisser and they turn on the lights and it’s your dad!
College girl #2: Oh my god, I know! I hate it when that happens!
–5th Ave. & 13th St.
Overheard by: Dave Della Costa
Graphics girl: OK, I’m a chitter-chatterbox.
Editor: Did you just say you’re a chicken pederast?
–27th Street office
Teen girl: But I want a… like a old phone.
Friend: Oooh like vintage?
Teen girl: Yeah!
–Macy’s, Manhattan
Girl #1: So, how was your night last night?
Girl #2: Um, I’m pretty sure I have jizz in my hair.
–Washington Square Park
Guy on date: Everything in my kitchen is from Crate and Barrel.
Girl on date: Oh.
Guy: My cups, my saucers, my plates, I have an espresso machine…
Girl: Wow.
Guy: Yeah, but I haven’t mopped the floor in over a month.
–Broadway & Houston
Spanish dude: Yeah, she left me a message and it was like, “Oh, I see you ain’t answering your phone and shit ’cause you doin’ what you do…but that’s ai’ight, I’m a do me.” So I called her, I was like, “What you doin’ you? Matta fact, did you do you already? You gon’ go out and fuck somebody else because I couldn’t pick up my phone?”. And she was like, “Nah, nooo, I didn’t mean it, I was just mad. And then you got that other bitch.” I said, “I’m not concerned about that bitch, I’m concerned about this bitch.”
–A train
A homeless guy is sleeping
Other dude: You smell like you want to be alone.
–A train
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist