Gay guy #1, pointing at poster of model: That guy is so hot! I’d totally give him a blowjob and eat him out.
Gay guy #2: The usual.
–H&M, 5th Ave & 18th St
What’s Your Point?
Stoned hipster girl #1: Have you looked at your chest recently?
Stoned hipster girl #2: Have you looked at your tortilla? It looks like you smeared it with shit.
–93rd & Broadway
And Today It’s Me
Man in full clown uniform: Come on, sweetie.
Lady friend in nice skirt, blouse, and heels: God, this is so awkward.
Man in full clown uniform: Look, I have to work hard so that at least one of us looks good.
–79th & Broadway
Overheard by: tickled passerbyer
Anxiety I Like to Relieve by Peeing in Coffee Cups
Barista girl: Ohmigod, I love your shoes! I want them.
Register girl: Thanks.
Barista girl: I love them! Awww.
Register girl, embarrassed: Thanks, haha.
Barista girl: I love them, but I can never get them… Because I can’t wear black with brown.
Register girl, borderline offended: Why not?
Barista girl: It gives me anxiety, that’s why.
–Starbucks
Besides, Mirrors Are Washable
Dude #1: Ew, bro, that’s incest!
Dude #2, sheepishly: No, it’s not…
–W 9th St & 5th Ave
Wednesday Headliners
Tourist to another: I don’t get why they have a roller coaster based on Aerosmith. They need to have a ride based on someone that everybody likes, like Britney Spears.
–Q Train
Confused teenage girl to another, looking at wall of silver-screen era movie star magazines: Where’s Justin Bieber?
–Museum of the Moving Image, Astoria
Overheard by: Lori
Blond: It’s not like it was Barack Obama. We just saw Mike Myers! It was like “Ohmygod, I totally admire you!”
–W 4th St
Overheard by: Megan W.
Bearded guy to tough guy: You should scissor-kick the shit outta Snooki.
–40th St & Broadway
Brooklynites Fear Queens, and Rightly So
Indian guy #1: Look! Awww, yeah! This is the a train to Lefferts, come on!
Indian guy #2: Cool, let’s go.
Indian guy #1: That woman saved our life, bro! If we had stayed on that other train we would have ended up in far Rockaway, gettin’ robbed and raped and shit!
Indian guy #2: Fuck that!
–Rockaway Blvd Station, Queens
Overheard by: Juan Chung
Like the Pilgrims Used to Do with the Indians
Ditzy girl #1: It’s so weird. You can actually have arguments on Facebook.
Ditzy girl #2: Yeah! You can follow people’s arguments on wall-to-wall.
Ditzy girl #3: That’s so stupid. Why go to all that trouble when you can just pick up your phone and send them a text?
–Downtown F Train
Overheard by: sam
But They’ll Never Spread For You
Guy: Lady, you got great legs.
Lady: I’m a lesbian!
Guy: Okay, you’re a lesbian who got great legs.
Lady: Oh…well, thanks.
–57th & Park
Overheard by: Heather
By “Shawny” He Means “Sonny”
MTA guy: So, I was like just hoppin’ outta the shower feeling all Irish Spring fresh and shit and I come into the living room and Shawny is sitting on the fucking couch. I was like, “Yo, Shawny…get off the couch!” He looked at me and growled and I was like, “So that’s how it is?” I went and got a pair of gloves and a wiffle ball bat, came back in and was like, whack, and the little bitch totally chomped onto my leg and shit. I dragged him like that into the kitchen and sprayed into his mouth with Lysol and he hid under the kitchen table. Somebody gotta be the master in the house, yo.
–N train
