New Yorker: Are you a farmer?
Tourist: Noooo. I went to Ranch Camp, but I’m not a farmer.
–F Train
Wednesday One-Liners Are Retaining Sperm
20-something woman on cell: I thought I was pregnant because I was nauseous all the time, but then I realized I was just always hungover.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to chick: What the fuck did she get pregnant for? She needed to lose some weight.
–Bowery
Hyper chick: He got me knocked up with this giant pretzel!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Pretzel Vendor
20-something girl to friend: Oh, so you're thinking because it's Memorial Day weekend you're gonna get preggers?
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn Subway Sation
Guy, about a couple who'd broken up: She came back to pick up her shit, and when you come back to pick up your shit, you know, shit happens, and she got pregnant.
–Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ashley
Lady suit on cell: Well, unless you want to get me pregnant, I'm not sure I see a way around this!
–Columbus Circle
Please Let Go of Your Crotch, Larry
TV: ‘It’s official — Hillary Clinton is running for the presidency…’
Secretary #1: You gonna vote for her?
Secretary #2: I don’t know… I have to see who else is running.
Service associate: You think a woman can handle these 52 states? This is a big continent — you think a woman can handle that?
–Montefiore Medical Center
Headline by: Jason
Runners-Up:
· “At least we knew Monica could handle a big load” – Roxi
· “I mean, really, Debbie could only handle Dallas.” – Mikie
· “If she can’t handle the small “jobs” at home…” – Kenneth
· “Men lying about size? Yeah, a woman can handle that.” – bella
Wednesday One-liners Are a Dumb Idea
Suit on cell: Yeah, but none of us respect Alex…Why? Because he’s a retard!
–53rd & 5th
Overheard by: Sara B.
You Can’t Spell Aneurysm Without EU
Businesswoman: Even though they smoked like chimneys and drank like fish, whatever, the south of France and Italy used to be much healthier than us.
–Midtown office
What? Dead? He Didn’t Deserve That!
Friendly young clerk: It’s terrible news about Vonnegut, isn’t it?
Old woman: I think he deserved to be fired! He shouldn’t be saying that racist stuff on the radio!
–Thrift Shop, 23rd & 3rd
…By Process Of Elimination
Guy: We should totally just trip out on acid and ride the subways all day.
Girl: Which train?
Guy: All of them.
–L Train
Overheard by: BB
I See You As More of an Anarcho-Syndicalist
20-ish guy: What do I want for lunch?
20-ish chick: I don’t know… Would you call me a socialist?
20-ish guy: No, not to your face.
–2 train
Overheard by: sarah
Don't Complain About Your Food to a Starving Person
Chatty, obnoxious girl #1: My last relationship was a disaster. He just didn't treat me well. He was very disrespectful. How is your man doing?
Chatty, obnoxious girl #2: I don't know. He says he loves me, takes me out all the time, is always calling and paying for everything. He even writes me long romantic notes and spends time with me whenever he can. It's just kind of lame, you know? I just told him I loved him to shut him up.
–E Train
Overheard by: Xander
There’s Very Little Sleeping Going On
Alabaman tourist: Do the trains run all night?
NY-er: Yes, they never close.
Alabaman tourist: Well, that’s good. We wanted to make sure we could get back from Times Square.
NY-er: Well, by New York standards it’s still early. It is only 9:30.
Alabaman tourist: Yeah, from where we’re from it’s late. We sleep with the roosters… Well, not literally.
–1/2/3 station, 72nd St
Overheard by: Debbie
