Drunk guy: You’re the best lookin’ thing in here.
Waitress: Number 1, I’m not a thing. Number 2, thanks!
–1849, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Chumbodonk
Also Doesn’t Know: Scotch Tape, Sharpie…
Guy: Do you carry Frisbees?
Duane Reade lady: What’s a Frisbee?
–Duane Reade, 89th and Columbus
Overheard by: Ethan Aronoff
But I’m Really Just a Figurehead
Working man #1: You know, I don’t like the refill scheme here.
Working man #2: You know, I’m the king of not giving a shit.
–39th & 8th
Like That Song “Beat Me Off Before You Go Go”
Construction worker #1: Yeah, she brought out the body oil and was rubbing it every! I was like “I don’t think I’m going to last too long now!“
Construction worker #2: That’s one of those dates where you really need to beat off before you go! You really gotta hit the testicles!
–42nd St & 8th Ave
Um…Yes
(guy sits next to perfect stranger)
Guy: Are you dating someone?
Girl: No.
Guy: Can I have your number?
Girl: No.
Guy: Is it because I’m black?
Girl: Of course not.
Guy: Is it because you’re a lesbian?
–C Train
I Also Love That
Aging rocker: I love you, baby face.
Drunk wife, endearingly: Fuck my tits.
–R Train
Overheard by: erak
Wednesday One-liners on Telemundo
Guy on cell: So how many Mexicans are trying to seduce you?
–46th & 8th
Overheard by: Ethan
Selfish Bone Cancer-Having Motherfucker
Man: I’m in pain! Nurse, nurse!
Nurse, to herself: Dammit, nigga, I just fucking gave you morphine!
–Albert Einstein Hospital
It’s Like Being Erased from the Book of the Universe
Young woman: How many children do you have?
Old woman: Two… well, I had three, but one moved to Florida.
–Doctor’s office, 166 E. 63rd
She Just Likes the Taste
Man: What’s that you’re putting on your cheesecake?
Woman: My cholesterol medication.
Man: Um… I don’t think that’s how it works.
–Carnegie Deli
Overheard by: Julie
