He Want­ed to Buy It Now

Woman #1: I was sell­ing some stuff on eBay, but got scared.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Be­cause they kept ask­ing too many ques­tions.
Woman #2: Who?
Woman #1: The buy­ers.
Woman #2: Like what?
Woman #1: They want­ed to know if the Louis Vuit­ton bag and belt I was sell­ing was re­al. It freaked me out.
Woman #2: So what hap­pened?
Woman #1: I end­ed the sale, be­cause I had two peo­ple watch­ing me and I got scared.
Woman #2: Watch­ing you?
Woman #1: Yeah, they can watch to see who bids and how much they bid and then they can try to make a last minute bid.
Woman #2: Okay, but why did­n’t you sell the stuff?
Woman #1: I was scared and this guy kept ask­ing me to send pic­tures.

–Amy Ruth’s, West 116th Street

Over­heard by: Ann-Marie Nichol­son

With This Ring, I Thee Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to mar­ry me and you hes­i­tat­ed. You hes­i­tat­ed!

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Act­ing pro­fes­sor: Act as if you’re fas­ci­nat­ed by what they’re say­ing, while think­ing about some­thing else. That’s what boys learn to do when they get mar­ried.

–NYU

Over­heard by: Lisa

Man, ad­vis­ing an­oth­er flirt­ing with hot woman: You got­ta go for it–unless she’s mar­ried!

–2 Train

Five-year-old boy to an­oth­er: Yeah, well… I’ll let you mar­ry my daugh­ter!

–10th St & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Ricky

Man to male friend: So ba­si­cal­ly, I took her to a gay bar on our wed­ding night.

–Cen­tral Park

Chick to guy: Are we *se­ri­ous­ly* ar­gu­ing about whether or not aunt Jemi­ma would sup­port gay mar­riage?

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: La­dle

Wednes­day Womb-Lin­ers

Mid­dle-aged woman: I’ve had three preg­nan­cies so far this year!

–Union Square

Classy gal to friend: I said, “lis­ten bitch, I would beat you up, but you’re fuck­ing preg­nant!”

–For­est Hills

Over­heard by: as­to­ria mets fan

Ghet­to girl to an­oth­er: I don’t know how it hap­pened! He pulls out all the time!

–Up­town 1 Train

Over­heard by: Chris Harmi­son

Over­weight girl: I wish I was preg­nant again. They treat you spe­cial when you’re preg­nant.

–W 39th St

That’s Not Re­al­ly By Choice, Fat­tie

Girl #1: Oh, look! Those clothes are cute. Let’s go look over there.
Girl #2: Those are ma­ter­ni­ty clothes.
Girl #1: Oh my God, no way!
Girl #2: Yes, see? It says “A Pea in the Pod Ma­ter­ni­ty Clothes”.
Girl #1: Oh wow, I had no idea!
Girl #2: Yeah, they are.
Girl #1: Well! There is­n’t go­ing to be a pea in this pod any time soon, I can tell you that!

–Ma­cy’s