Woman: …and he wanted to break up with me so badly, he was like,
“Here, I’ll buy you an apartment!”
–Central Park sailboat pond
Overheard by: Sarahvb
Teen chick: I wouldn’t want to get married because it takes so long to get a divorce!
–Rockefeller Park
Russian lady: Ya…my mother was lucky. Not many women divorce lawyers.
–6 train
Lady: Come on, since my fucking boyfriend is a fucking crack head, we are fucking gonna pick up some guys tonight.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Julia Wright
Girl: I’m getting kind of tired of him. He used to be the kind of guy you could go out with and never have to talk.
–6 train
Guy on cell: …so I can fuck her, but I can’t marry her. See she’s Orthodox, but not Orthodox enough.
–Duane Reade, 51st & 3rd
Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper
Chick on cell: Honey, your boyfriend isn’t a boyfriend. He’s, like, a boyfriend-substitute…He’s, like, the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter of boyfriends.
–Times Square
Overheard by: djlindee
Bike guy: It was like the perfect really, really big ass…
–Riverside Park
Overheard by: Katie
Fat chick on cell: Is this the Wal-Mart in Queens? Do you have thongs in extra large?
–Target elevator, Atlantic Avenue terminal
Black woman: I don’t know who those bitches were callin’ fat. Motherfuckers! Everytime I have a baby my stomach goes back down
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Karith
Fat kid: Why can’t I get another hot dog? It’s not like it’s going to make me any fatter.
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Eric
Fat man: Mmmhmm…I love me some skinny gothic girls!
–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: aryn pazornick
Fat guy: I think I want to be Jesus for Halloween this year…I would have to lose some weight though.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Jennie Tang
- Posted on
- Fat People, Junk Food & Fast Food, One-liners
British chick: I just solved my lunch problem, because I hate raw cheese.
–27th Street office
Guy: Bitch, you better give me back my donuts or I’ll pull out your weave.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: Vinson Guthreau
Guy: Nothing like going to Chuck E. Cheese to make you start drinking again.
–82nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: JY
Lady: This is a yuppie McDonald’s. It’s all middle class people here.
–McDonald’s, 47th Street
Overheard by: Christa Bramberger
As a Brooklyn Brewery delivery truck passed a toddler on the sidewalk yelled: I love beer!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: tee sul
Bartender: If the Burp Castle ever closes it means the death of classical music in New York.
–Burp Castle bar, E. 7th Street
Guy on cell: Is this like that time where Laura told me that cat food was Lucky Charms?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Cynthia
- Posted on
- All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Brooklyn, Drinking & Drunk People, Favorites, Food, Foreigners, Glad the Condom Broke, Hair, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Music, On Cell, Only in New York, Penn Station, People, Places, Pop Culture, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Venues, Washington Heights and Inwood, Williamsburg, Women, Yuppies
Jersey girl: There is no way Anna Nicole lost that weight on TrimSpa. She’s obviously smoking crack.
–4 train
Chick: Yeah, she’s trying to put back on the 10 pounds she lost during her little crack experimentation.
–Rivington & Allen
Overheard by: Josh Mueller
Crackhead: I had never seen anybody smoking crack. I had no idea what it looked like, somebody smoking crack. Until my uncle. And you know, he changed my Pampers.
–Fourth Ave & Dean Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sparkle shortz
Long-hair: Yeah, so for my birthday I just got myself a shitload of mescalin. And all I did was sit in my apartment all day, tripping my ass off.
–14th & 8th
Overheard by: debo
Guy: I could have been an astronaut if i didn’t do so many drugs. Why
didn’t anyone tell me?
–Pratt Institute
Guy on cell: Yeah, well, I wipe asses just like you do…only metaphorically.
–William Street & Maiden Lane
Overheard by: shawn mac
Rich lady: When I die, scatter my ashes over Bloomingdale’s.
–Neue Gallerie, 86th & 5th
Overheard by: Emily
Peddler: That piece down there was made from an Apple computer box. Forget the painting; I mean, just the box is gorgeous. I have a bit of a cardboard box fetish.
–Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
Woman on cell: So he was like, “Why are we taking a cab? It’s only 4 or 5 blocks. I know you like exercise. You go to the gym every day.” And I was like, “I only exercise the way God intended…on a treadmill.” I mean, whatever! Right?
–54th & Park
Overheard by: kittikat
Guy: That’s crazy, man. That’s worse than crazy, that’s fucking psychotic! Seventy dollars for a fucking permit. Seventy, eighty dollars for a moving violation, that I understand. But seventy dollars for a fucking permit? The fucking well is running dry!
–Prospect Avenue station
Overheard by: Alison
Teen girl: Let’s order together but have them put it in separate bags. We’ll pay less tax that way.
–Wendy’s, Union Square
Overheard by: Nathan Kipe
Tourist:…no, really! The streets are so clean!
–24th & Broadway
Overheard by: Manhattman
Old lady #1: Here she comes now.
Old lady #2: I’ll be dead by the time she gets here.
Old lady #3: She’s not moving too fast.
Their friend arrives.
Old lady #1: Aren’t you dead yet?
–5th Ave. & 9th St.
- Posted on
- Age/Aging, Death, Friendship, Old People, The Village
Girl #1: I wouldn’t get married in New York, no way.
Girl #2. Me neither.
Girl #1: Out of town somewhere, New Haven, Scarsdale: way better. It’d be ridiculous here. Can you imagine?
Girl #3: Yup, right.
Girl #1: Only if I married for money. If he has money, then it’s a different story. Let’s say, 250k a year. Stockbroker, mortgage investment banker, lawyer surgeon, you know. At least 250 grand, or it might as well be in Boston. And I have to have an au pair, later.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Christopher Lee
- Posted on
- Assholes, Bimbettes, Central Park, Friends, Marriage, Money & Class, Stupidity, Talking/Convos
Girl: Is that soup place the Soup Nazi? Did he go out of business?
Guy: Yeah, ever since Soup V.E. Day…
–55th & 8th
Overheard by: Lindsay Robertson
- Posted on
- Business and Commerce, Food, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Jews, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nazis, Street
Chick #1: Look, look, it’s that school. You know they be smokin’ ‘n shit over there!
Chick #2: Yeah, why you think we used to go up in there? I love that school, they be doing X in there ‘n shit. Everybody be chillin’ in da hallways doin’ whateva, makin’ out ‘n shit, you know?
Chick #3: For real?
Chick #2: Why you think we used to hang out there?
–D train
Overheard by: CM
- Posted on
- Drugs, Girls, Hard Drugs, On the Subway, School and studying
