Smashed guy: Man, I gotta stop drinking. I’m seeing fucking elephants now.
–Elephant Parade, 34th Street
Overheard by: Shirley Grace
Wiseass: Hey PETA! Elephants can’t read your signs!
–Elephant Parade, 34th Street
Overheard by: Shirley Grace
B&T Guy #1: It’s easy. All you gotta do is give her 20 bucks.
B&T Guy #2: Then she jerks you off after she’s done?
B&T Guy #1: I wish!
–Banshee Pub, 74th & 1st
Overheard by: Michael
Yuppie #1: …yeah, those girls don’t want just 20 bucks.
Yuppie #2: Yep, no such thing as free sex in Vietman.
–Maritime Hotel, 9th Ave.
Overheard by: Chaser
- Posted on
- B & T, Gripes, Hand-Jobs, Hotels, Masturbation, Prostitution, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Yuppies
Teen girl: Yo, I heard he fucked a fat girl in Remi and she was so big he couldn’t get his arms around her!
–Astoria Dunkin’ Donuts
Overheard by: Jack
UES chick on cell: …so then he takes me to this party, where there’s all these topless chicks and crap, and I’m like, “Come on! Haven’t I stroked your ego enough?”.
–88th and Park
Overheard by: ikanread
Girl: No, I will not have anal sex with your boyfriend!
–Union Square station
Girl on cell: Oh no! I dropped a bunch of papers that I don’t need!
–Pace University elevator
Overheard by: shawn mac
Conductor: The next stop will be…Hell, I don’t even know what it is!
–B train
Overheard by: Miss Babette
Guy: You know, when I was doing those breathing exercises, I realized: I don’t think I’ve been able to breathe out of my left nostril since 1995.
–General Store, DUMBO
Overheard by: Beth
- Posted on
- All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Conductors, Guys, On Cell, On the Subway, Store
Homeboy: Monkeys are just humans who don’t give a shit, that’s all I’m sayin’.
–Park Pizza, 25th St. and Park Ave.
Overheard by: Chadd Derkins
Electrician: The Velvet Underground? Yeah, they was good for a few laughs back in the day.
–Midtown elevator
Overheard by: Michael
Dude: I definitely said, “No abortion jokes at dinner.”
–86th and 2nd
Lady: If he could fuck like he makes quesadillas, I’d be a lucky woman.
–Astoria deli
Overheard by: Stuart Bridgett
Guy on cell: True Spanish girls wear heels in a blizzard!
–33rd Street & Park Avenue
Overheard by: Chris D.
Hobo (to Hispanic construction workers): Remember the Alamo!
–34th & Madison Avenue
Fat black woman: Hey, watch where you’re going! Say “excuse me” instead of bumping into me like that. Don’t you know how to speak English?
Japanese girl: You need a diet!
–Penn station
Overheard by: JL
- Posted on
- Black People, Etiquette, Japanese, Language Barrier, Penn Station
Customer: I see barley, but no beef.
Cafeteria worker: The beef has been melted into it.
–MSKCC cafeteria
Dude #1: I never knew people actually lived on Staten Island.
Dude #2: I know!
Dude #1: I thought it was just a big mall.
Dude #2: With the Mafia…
Dude #1: And garbage…
Dude #2: I know!
Dude #1: You know what’s totally sad? I got a 1450 on my SATs.
–A train
- Posted on
- Education, Guys, Idiots, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Stupidity
Martha Stewart is on a tabloid cover.
Hipster: Did you know she’s now on that Forbes list?
Sunglasses at night girl: The one with rich people?
Hipster: Yes.
Sunglasses at night girl: She’s not even a movie star.
–Key Foods, Williamsburg
- Posted on
- A-List, About Celebrities, Brooklyn, Celebrities, Girls, Hipsters, Money & Class, Movies, People, Places, Pop Culture, Rich people, Topics, Williamsburg
