Clerk: What’s in the box you’re shipping?
Customer: A computer.
Clerk: Where’s it going?
Customer: Spain.
Clerk: Is that domestic?
Customer: No, that’d be fairly international.
–Kinko’s, Duane Street
Overheard by: Joshua Cody
Girl: Bitch, for the last time, Spain is not part of Latin America!
–Columbia University dorm
Businesswoman: You know, I used to get worked up over that too, but it’s not my career. I don’t care anymore. Just pay me and don’t disrespect me, slap my ass, or call me “nigger”, and we’re cool.
–Quizno’s, 14th & 6th
Girl #1: That’s terrible!
Girl #2: Well, don’t ask me to tell you a Terri Schiavo joke and then get angry when it’s tasteless!
–12th & University
Hobo: I’m homeless! I’m battling child abuse! The Jews and the Irish are spreading lies about me!
–14th Street between 5th & Union Square
Overheard by: a Jewish-Irish girl
Hobo: Nice chickie, hot, another one, good, love them, there’s a good one. No, wait: that’s a guy.
–29th & Madison
Bald hobo: If I was tall they’d braid my hair! But no, I’m short, so they won’t braid my hair!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Jeremy
Hobo: I’m technologically impaired. Spare a cell phone? An iPod?
–St. Mark’s & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Rose Yndigoyen
White girl: Excuse me…excuse me…Can I please get the fuck by?
Hispanic guy: You don’t have to push, bitch!
White girl: Well, if you would stop with all that Mira! Mira! Mira! shit and stop looking and start listening maybe you wouldn’t get yelled at like a dumbass!
–A train, 125th Street station
Overheard by: Dixie Mae
Tourist boy: I thought Grand Central station was huge. Like, a whole city underground and stuff.
Tourist girl: Wait.
–6 train, pulling into Grand Central station
Overheard by: Jonathan
Tourist: Where is Saks Fifth Avenue?
New Yorker: On Fifth Avenue, you moron!
–46th & 6th
An old Russian man has put his bag on the seat next to him. An old lady asks him to move it. He refuses as there are other seats albeit not in the front. Things get escalated until the old lady says: You’re a son of a bitch. I’d like to see you hit me with that. I’ll call the cops right now. I’ve got my cell phone!
–B1 bus
(After this exchange our editor handed her his card and told her that she would be on this site. She was confused on so many levels that they kind of cancelled out and she nodded & smiled.)
Homeboy: I don’t discriminate. If anyone messes with my family, or my kids, I’m taking their life.
–Bx21 bus
Overheard by: Fiona
Chick on cell: I don’t know…I think I’m in Queens. The train’s above ground…I lost my keys and I have to be at work in 45 minutes. I’ll guess I’ll go in the same clothes…I don’t know what he does. I think something at night, though. I took his money.
–7 train
Girl on cell: That’s very nice to diagnose yourself like that but, really, fuck you…I still think you’re, like, a sociopath or something.
–6th Ave. between 50th & 51st
Asian yuppie: I think Victoria’s Secret is turning into the new McDonald’s.
–18th & 6th
Guy: Oh man, Gristedes can suck me off!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Chick on cell: She just got this amazing job where she can live anywhere she wants in the Midwest!
–Prince & Broadway
Lady: You don’t have plastic bags? This is New York!
–Chipotle, E. 8th Street
Queer on cell: Yah, well, Terri Schiavo died this week, and so did the Pope. So it’s been a pretty good week.
–Chumley’s, Bedford Street
Overheard by: Initials
Girl on cell: Fuckety fuck fuck, I forgot to put on a tampon this morning. Shit, shit, shit! I’m screwed, Lizette, I’m screwed.
–Bensonhurst
Girl on cell: Don’t walk in the blood! Don’t walk in the blood! Oh ah aah!…Thanks lady, thanks for walking in the blood.
–Essex & Rivington
Overheard by: Nicole A.
