Dear Hugh Laurie – Call Me –Love, Danielle

Cute girl about upcoming CAT scan: There’s a part of me that’s actually a little excited… or at least interested, because, you know, it’s a new experience.
Friend: It will be an adventure. A medical adventure. Like House!
Girl: Except the doctor won’t be nearly as sexy as Hugh Laurie.
Friend: But he’ll have a better bedside manner.
Girl: It’d be worth the bedside manner if he were that sexy.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show. It gives us unrealistic expectations.
Girl: My mind right now is like 45% fear, 25% excitement, 15% rational thought, you know, that it’s probably not cancer, and the rest is Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard battling for my affections.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show.

–L Train

Overheard by: Jonah

Posted on May 31, 2023
About Celebrities, Advice, Beauty, Cancer, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Fears, Friends, Girls, Medicine, On the Subway, TV

Begging Is My Career, But What I Really Love Is Giving Lifestyle Advice

Black woman, to white kid flanked by two pretty girls: Hey, mista’! Ya got some change?
Same black woman, to the two girls: Don’t go givin’ away pussy fo’ free!

–DeKalb Station

Overheard by: BagelOfTheDamned

Posted on May 29, 2023
Advice, Black People, Brooklyn, Hobos

…Just Throw a Sweater Over That “Go Palestine!” T‑Shirt

Female coworker: I just don’t think I’m looking in the right places to meet guys.
Jappy coworker: Just get a group of girls together, and go to services at B’nai Jeshurun, I hear it’s a meat market on Shabbat.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Melissa

Posted on May 17, 2023
Advice, Coworkers, Dating, JAPs, Judaism, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Some Half‐Baked Wednesday One‐Liners

Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b‑o‐n‑g.

–19^th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kyle

Man in light green suit with orange‐red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don’t smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don’t get high tonight!

–125^th & Lenox

Overheard by: Plausible

Young hipster: So I said, “Mom, did you smoke with me?”

–Central Park Reservoir

Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don’t want me smoking pot, you don’t want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don’t want me chewing gum and now you don’t like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that’s okay with you?

–L Train

Overheard by: It’s me, bitches.

Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you’re smoking is really good.

–Cooper Union

Overheard by: me too

Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I’m serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don’t you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can’t see anymore and then I’ll be there. Alright? Bye.

–8^th Ave & 27^th St

Overheard by: Erica Friedman

Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn’t smell like weed?

–Washington Square Park

Posted on May 12, 2023
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, College, Family Ties, Food, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Smoking, Street, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Time, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Which Is Why I Only Make Out with Old People

Girl diner: You can order a tongue sandwich!
Guy diner: I don’t eat anything that can taste me back.

–Ben’s Kosher Deli

Overheard by: Pastrami Girl

Posted on April 25, 2023
Advice, Body Parts, Customers, Default, Delis, Food, Girls, Guys, Weirdness

I’m Just Seeing How Many Times I Can Say “Pussylips” in One Day

Roommate #1: Y’all need to cover up ’cause I can see your pussylips and that’s just not appropriate.
Roommate #2: Really?
Roommate #1: No.

–Pratt Institute

Posted on March 15, 2023
Advice, College, Etiquette, Sorority Girls, Vagina, Yeaaahhh College!

Wednesday One‐Liners, Plus Puerto Rico

Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said “Come on, Mr California!” and I was like: “Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!”

–G Train

Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame

Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas.

–Tram to Roosevelt Island

Eight‐year‐old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell!

–38^th & 2^nd Ave

Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton‐John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.

–Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.

Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s.

–43^rd St between Madison & 5^th

Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California.

–New York Public Library, 42^nd St branch

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on February 23, 2023
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Customers, Drag queens, Food, Girls, Gripes, Holidays, Kids, Library, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Music, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Race, Religion, Store, Street, Students, Suits, The Village, U.S. Geography, Words, Yeaaahhh College!

Fucking Scoliosis Brace

Girl #1, looking at The L Word: God, I wish I was that girl, and could make out with girls.
Girl #2: Why don’t you make out with girls now?
Girl #1: I can’t! This body is straight!

–Virgin Megastore, Times Square

Overheard by: Angie

Posted on February 23, 2023
Advice, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Store, TV

When Did Natural Selection Fall Out Of Favor?

Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen,that yellow line on the platform is there for your safety. Please stand behind it when the train enters the station, for your safety and for my stress level. Thank you.
(next stop)
Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, I hate to repeat myself, but stand behind the line! It is for your own safety! Your ignorance causes the trains to run slowly because I have to slow down to keep from hitting your ignorant self! Thank you. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Always stands behind the yellow line

Posted on February 22, 2023
Advice, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, Weirdness

One, Two, Three, Four, Get Your Wednesday‐One‐Liners on the Floor

Crackhead to French girls: This side of the station is for crackheads only. You are in violation of code 113, this area is reserved for crackheads only. So move now.

–110^th St Train Station

Film man: Gimme five minutes and I’ll give you my left nut.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: S&J

Suit on cell: You hooked up with a 300‐pound girl?

–14^th & 3^rd Ave

Mexican guy: You look like 50 Cent. But in Mexico, your name would be 50 Pesos.

–Caliente Cab Restaurant , 488 3^rd Ave

Overheard by: Mon

Thug: My wife hit me up for fitty bucks, and then my girl hit me up for another fitty bucks, and now I’m all tapped out.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Juliet

Conductor: Come on people! You were born with two eyes. If you would just use them to see that there are three different doors to the train, you would know that you’re holding people up trying to go home! Use your eyes and head and go in another door that people aren’t trying to get out of…Use the head people…Use the head!

–1 Train

Overheard by: megan

Econ major: So is that quadrillion as in past trillion?

–Classroom, NYU

Posted on December 27, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Cocaine, Diet/Weight, Family Ties, Hook Ups, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, School and studying, Science, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary