Stripper chick: I don’t know, there was a detective that used to hang out with us in the club, maybe I could call him. He used to drive me home and shit.
Queer: Um, is he trustworthy?
Stripper chick: Well, actually he’s pretty shady, but whatever.
Queer: Actually, that’s probably better.
Stripper chick: You know, it probably is!
–A train
Mother: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Daughter: A cop.
Mother A cop? You don’t want to be no cop, what do you want to be a cop for?
Daughter: So I can carry a gun.
Mother: You don’t need to be a cop to have a gun. Your dad ain’t no cop and he has a gun.
–F train
Overheard by: Paul Swenson
Bus driver: The stop after this will be the next one. We should be arriving in a week to ten days.
–M42 bus
Overheard by: Dan Alcalde
Transit cop: I guess I’ll pretend to do something here.
–Queens Plaza station
Conductor: Passengers, please do not use your valuables, or your child, to stop the train doors from closing!
–1 train
Black guy: I got me a ghetto Gold Card, son. It’ll get you on the train, it’ll get you on the bus.
–A train
Overheard by: Timothy C
Loudspeaker: Would anyone that speaks Chinese please report to the Amtrak Information booth in the center of the Terminal? Anyone that speaks Chinese.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: P. Mills
Chick: The cabdriver wouldn’t let us leave the cab unless I showed him
my tits. That is so my away message tomorrow!
–LIRR train
Overheard by: Steve Carbo
Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for the delay in landing the aircraft, but the air traffic controller here at LaGuardia is an angry, bitter man.
–over LaGuardia
Overheard by: Dana Clair
Cop #1: What the fuck is that on your face?
Cop #2: It’s a big pimple.
Cop #1: It’s fucking gross, dude.
–33rd & 6th
Overheard by: Eric L.
Cop: Photos, painting and other stuff in a museum I appreciate, but this is just bedsheets to me.
–The Gates, CPW
Overheard by: Chris Holm
Black guy: Man, niggas got guns. You don’t know what they gonna do.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: couldn’t stop laughing
Hungry guy: Tell him I’m gonna kick his ass! Tell him I’m gonna fuck him up, and tell him to bring food.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Autumn
Mother of the Year: My momma said, “All you gotta do is beat the hell out the biggest one of them, and the rest will fall in line.” And she was right, too.
–23rd & 11th
Woman on cell: She went and married that man who her first husband shot her for goin’ out with.
–Foley Square
Enthusiastic guy: Yeah! Come down to Ditmars and get your ass whipped! Just come on down to Ditmars and get your ass whipped. Yeah! We’ll whip your ass. So just come down to Ditmars. You’ll get your ass whipped.
–N train, Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: Richard Berman
Amateur chiropractor: She told the cops I hit her with a golf club. I didn’t hit that bitch with no golf club. If I hit that bitch with a golf club, her neck would be broken.
–Behind Pathmark, 125th St
Overheard by: wadotron
Happy hobo: Oh man! Oh man! [Hugs friend repeatedly] Now I’m gonna kick your ass!
–G train
Overheard by: greenpoint blank
Hipster guy: Have you ever been arrested?
Hipster girl: Yeah, when I was sixteen my friend and I got arrested for shoplifting. It really wasn’t that bad. The cops were super cool and we were all joking around and shit and our mugshots were actually pretty cute.
–HopScotch Cafe
Cop holding machine gun: Where you from?
Tourist: England.
Cop (in terrible British accent): Smashing! Brilliant!
Tourist: Um… Yeah.
–City Hall
Ghetto girl calling out pedestrians’ costumes: Rainbow Brite! Sonny and Cher! Pirates of the Caribbean! Bob Marley! Officer!
Cop: Ma’am?
Ghetto girl: Oh, you really a cop.
–Village Halloween Parade
Overheard by: Dressed as a pedestrian
Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don't want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous!
–17th & Irving
(pedestrians are crossing when they aren't supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver: Next time, just go ahead and run them over.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: momes
Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car!
–Jerry Orbach St
Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I'ma getting hit by a car, I'ma getting hit by a nice car.
–Broadway & Houston
Tourist driving car: I don't give a fuck if you own the world! I'm running your ass over!
–Financial District
Overheard by: lex
