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Not Quite Absolutely Fabulous

Chick: He was not really completely gay.
Guy: What was he, then?
Chick: He was more just completely fabulous.

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: jennifer

Girl: I’m pathetic enough but not fabulous enough to be a fag hag.

–The Ansonia, 73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Girl #1: You shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself. We are single and fabulous, explanation point.
Girl #2: …Don’t you mean “exclamation point”?

–Garden Cafe, Inwood

Guy #1: …I walked in and the warehouse was just full of tiny little boots.
Guy #2: That sounds fabulous.

–Central Park

Please God, Let Her Have Been Speaking Literally

Lesbian #1: Do you think she’s a trannie?
Lesbian #2: I don’t know. Would you still do her if she was?
Lesbian #1: She’s so hot that it wouldn’t even matter.
Lesbian #2: Then can you let me off the hook for sleeping with that
hermaphrodite?

–Long Island City

Give Credit Where Due, to the Alcohol

Girl #1: I kind of do want to fall in love with someone who quickly ranges from hideous to really attractive.
Girl #2: That’s how I think most people are.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Laura Vinocur

Man, It Was Probably Gates or Clinton

A girl and guy are making out on the street.

Guy: I gotta go.
Girl: Wait, come back.
Guy: I’m busy.
Girl: What’s your name?
Guy: Bill.
Girl: How can I get in touch with you?
Guy: Google it.

–11th Street & 3rd Avenue

Overheard by: Tibbie X

That’s Kind of Implied for Guys

Girl #1: …so we are at this audition and they ask us to step out and say what we like to do in our spare time. So this guy steps out and says “discussing philosophy”. I mean, how pretentious can you get?
Girl #2: Well, what did you expect him to say? “Getting my dick sucked by total strangers”?

–68th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Betty Noir

The Bosom Buddies Movie Looks Really Dumb

Yuppie guy #1: I’ll have a strawberry margarita. As fruity as possible. I just cover it up with a wife and kids.
Yuppie guy #2: Hey, I’m married, and I’m still not comfortable with my sexuality.
Yuppie guy #1: Really?

–79th Street Boat Basin

Overheard by: Andrea Natalie Goldstein

Depends on If You’re a Top or Not

Tween girl #1: His hair is sometimes awful, but it’s sometimes so perfect.
Tween girl #2: I think that’s what gay hair is like.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: emily clinch

Kids Say the Most Ominous Things

Receptionist lady: What’s your name?
Little boy: Nayan.
Receptionist lady: Can you spell that for me?
Little boy: N-A-Y-A-N.
Receptionist lady: Did your mommy tell you what your name means?
Little Boy: X-ray vision.

–Doctor’s office, Park Slope

Overheard by: Rachel

The WSJ Has a Compelling Drawing, Too

Newspaper guy: Only in the Post! Pictures of Pataki crying like a pussy!

–34th & 7th

Can I Have Your Autograph, Wednesday One-liners?

Old Jewess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writing another diet book. I have a friend who has read all her diet books and every year she gets fatter and fatter.

–Music Box theatre, West 45th Street

Fratboy: She was like an ugly Paris Hilton, but not rich.

–C train

Overheard by: nicolette

Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin.

–68th & Columbus

Overheard by: Andrew Zar

Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tupac was named after a Jewish holiday.

–Red Hook

Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bottle of Scotch that they buy. You know, because their dad was a bootlegger and all.

–52 & Lexington

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