Dating in NYC (2 Short Stories)

Punk girl: Ella really is kind of a whore for doing that to Brennan. Even if Brennan is a dickhead, she shouldn’t let him think she’s cheating on him. Why make yourself look like a whore if you’re really not?
Stylish girl: Yeah, you’re right. She’s just making herself look like a whore.
Punk girl: I wonder if Brennan is single. I’d like to hook up with him.

–5th Ave. between 54th and 55th

Overheard by: the rat

Dancer: …and she’s like, 25, and has never been on a date! Ever!
Ballerino: No fucking way. Is she retarded?
Dancer: I don’t think so. I think she’s just obsessed with ballet.
Ballerino: Go figure.

–Juilliard cafeteria

Posted on October 7, 2024
Dating, Hook Ups, Hootchies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Yeaaahhh College!

Gentlemen: Start Your Engines

Queer: Thursday nights are the best nights if you like NYU Guys!

–11th St. & 1st Avenue

Overheard by: Rachel W

Posted on September 29, 2023
Advice, Hook Ups, Queer guys, Union Square and East Village

Nor Should You Have Confirmed It For Us Publicly

Chick #1: So was he cute?
Chick #2: He was cute enough.
Chick #1: What does that mean?
Chick #2: I mean, like, I wouldn’t lick his butt or anything.
Chick #1: Ew!
Chick #2: Oh, like you never licked a guy’s butt!
Chick #1: I should never have told you that.

–3rd Avenue & 11th Street

Overheard by: Manhattman

Posted on July 12, 2023
Hook Ups, Manhattan, People, Sex, Sex & Relationships

He Paid Cash

Queer #1: Oh, jeez, I hooked up with that guy. Don’t look.
Queer #2: Who, the guy who just walked on? Call him over. What’s his name?
Queer #1: What am I, psychic?

–N train, Ditmars Blvd

Overheard by: ant

Posted on May 21, 2023
Gays and Lesbians, Hook Ups, Names, On the Subway, Queer guys

Maybe We Should Start Branding Our Conquests?

Dude #1: You're so slutty!
Dude #2: We're both so slutty…
Dude #1: Heh, I know…if these balls could talk…
Dude #2: It's gotten to the point where, if I'm about to do it with a guy, I drop your name, just to be sure.

–55th & 9th

Posted on May 15, 2023
Balls, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hook Ups, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names

Still Think Jared Can't Get Any Creepier?

Troubled thug: Yeah, for some reason your mom really wants me to hook up with her… But I dunno…
Envious thug: You should, man, she's really attractive! I mean, I know you already got a girlfriend and whatever, but god put you on earth for such a short time…
Troubled thug: Yeah, I dunno…
Envious thug: God, I wish I had your luck with women.

–Subway Sandwich Shop

Overheard by: Are you talking about his mom, or…?

Posted on March 11, 2023
Beauty, Hook Ups, Infidelity, Parents, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Thugs, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Follow Their Bliss

Drunk girl: I remember the bouncing, I remember the moaning, I just can’t remember the name.

–Cooper 35, Astor Place

Overheard by: dan

Gay man: I went there to get spiritual, and I came back all ‘Boys, boys, boys.’

–5th Ave & 11th St

Chick on cell: This is one of those moments when polyamory would really come in handy, huh?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl talking to herself: I am not a ho — I took the lie detector test, and it told you I was not a ho so stop calling me that.

–1 train

Overheard by: will

Chick: She had, like, 20 brothers and sisters because her dad was Haitian and he just kept sleeping with people…

–Subway bar, 60th & Lex

Chick: This year I am going to try and not make out with both Samatha and her boyfriend.

–W 53rd between 9th and 10th Ave

Overheard by: Still Laughing

Posted on January 12, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Hook Ups, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, One Night Stand, Promiscuity, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

One, Two, Three, Four, Get Your Wednesday-One-Liners on the Floor

Crackhead to French girls: This side of the station is for crackheads only. You are in violation of code 113, this area is reserved for crackheads only. So move now.

–110th St Train Station

Film man: Gimme five minutes and I’ll give you my left nut.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: S&J

Suit on cell: You hooked up with a 300-pound girl?

–14th & 3rd Ave

Mexican guy: You look like 50 Cent. But in Mexico, your name would be 50 Pesos.

–Caliente Cab Restaurant , 488 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Mon

Thug: My wife hit me up for fitty bucks, and then my girl hit me up for another fitty bucks, and now I’m all tapped out.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Juliet

Conductor: Come on people! You were born with two eyes. If you would just use them to see that there are three different doors to the train, you would know that you’re holding people up trying to go home! Use your eyes and head and go in another door that people aren’t trying to get out of…Use the head people…Use the head!

–1 Train

Overheard by: megan

Econ major: So is that quadrillion as in past trillion?

–Classroom, NYU

Posted on December 27, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Cocaine, Diet/Weight, Family Ties, Hook Ups, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, School and studying, Science, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Here Comes One Now

Girl: You left me for two hours!
Hot gay guy: You left me for one hour!
Girl: I had an errand to run! You did not!
Hot gay guy: My organism is an errand!
Girl: Do normal people do this? When I'm bored, I read or do something constructive.
Hot gay guy: When I'm bored, I have an orgasm.

–9th & Ave C