On the Subway

Chick: So, I’m smart, right? I mean, I consider myself smarter than the average woman. So I go to this interview, and they give me this test, a long test like the SATs. And I’m drunk. So I get a call later, “Sorry, you didn’t do as well as we’d hoped.”

–F train

HS girl: Now he’s in college, so he has his own friends.
HS guy: He’s at Sarah Lawrence.
HS girl: There are lots of people like him there.

–4 train

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Thug #1: I don’t live in the VHS era.
Thug #2: Naw, they got DVD tapes now.

–J train

Overheard by: Anna

Girl on cell: …and it was right after he said that that I started doing double penetration, and I’ve never looked back.

–C train

Overheard by: Mickey Marx

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the B train. B like, like, like, um, brothel.

–B train

Overheard by: ed

Chick: So you think that by you comin’ at me all gangsta you gonna get my pussy?

–6 train

Overheard by: brian

Guy: How about The Black Market Babies?
Girl: The Black Market Babies?
Guy: The thing is, there’s already a band called The Backyard Babies. If you know anything about The Backyard Babies, you wouldn’t want to be associated with them.
Girl: Isn’t that who Dana dated?
Guy: No. I got her backstage to meet him. She’s in the dressing room; I used my radio credentials to get her in. He was all ready to make a move and then he started vomiting! That’s when I met Joey Ramone. I was going to complain to Joey but he died shortly after.

–D train

Two strangers, a nerdy out-of-town businessman & a native NYC businesswoman, step onto the 6 train mid-argument. Profanities are flying out of the NYer’s mouth rapidly and with great force. The nerdy out-of-town businessman throws his harshest punch back: Why don’t you go wash your mouth out with soap?!
NYC businesswoman: Oh…why don’t you go fuck yourself?

–6 train

Overheard by: amy

Guy: I saw that movie Hide and Seek. It sucked.
Girl: I don’t know that one. Who’s in it?
Guy: Ummm…that guy from Meet the Fockers.
Girl: …Ben Stiller?
Guy: Who?
Girl: Are you talking about Ben Stiller?
Guy: No, no, the old guy.
Girl: Robert DeNiro?!
Guy: Yeah, him.
Girl: You call Robert DeNiro “that guy from Meet the Fockers“?!

–1 train

Overheard by: Brian J. Heck

Hoop earrings girl: So I found out yesterday the name of my class is Advanced Calculus. I knew it was advanced but I didn’t know it was calculus. I wish I’d known when I registered. It’s nice and interesting. There are a lot of squiggles that look really nice. But I’m going to transfer to the regular class, because it’s not a requirement for my degree, and why get a C or D, when I can get an A?

–F train

Girl #1: He was a little too Spock and not enough Kirk.
Girl #2: What?

–F train

A son is moving a table into the back of the truck.

Mom: Be careful not to bend the legs when you push it in.
Son: That’s what she said.
Mom: What?

–30th and Lex

Overheard by: Tom