On the Subway

Black woman: I’ll mess you up! I’ll be waiting for you downstairs, you man-on-man faggot! White trash!
White queer: You don’t scare me! I’ve dealt with the feds, I can
deal with you!

–Welfare office, Boerum Hill

Overheard by: Sheep Overhearder

Black woman: Take that bag off your back.
White man: All it takes are two words: “excuse” and “me”.
Black woman: I’m not saying nothing to you.
White man: Sorry, I see that you only use your mouth for one thing, and that’s sucking dick.
Black woman: You are so rude. Take that back.
White man: Okay, I am sorry. I take it back. You also use your mouth for eating, as seen by the size of your enormous ass.

–4/5 train

Tween girl #1: So like apparently my brother is engaged.
Tween girl #2: Really? Since when?
Tween girl #1: I dunno, found out at breakfast this morning.
Tween girl #2: Didn’t he like just finish high school?
Tween girl #1: Yeah, but she’s like still 17 and she’s got a two year old so she’s way worse off than him.
Tween girl #2: Well is it his kid?
Tween girl #1: Who knows? He’s not tellin’.
Tween girl #2: Probably is…what a man-ho slut wedder.

–F train

Overheard by: Supertramp

Girl: I was afraid the cab driver wasn’t going to take us to Brooklyn!
Guy: I know, he seemed annoyed when we said Brooklyn.
Girl: I mean, on Sex and the City they could never get a cab into Brooklyn.

–F train

Girl #1: He said he’s 5’7″.
Girl #2: Ugh, that’s too short.
Girl #1: No it isn’t. I mean, if you think about it, 5’7″, that’s almost like 6′.

–N train

Overheard by: Amanda

Girl #1: He’s coming into town to visit me this weekend…but he says he doesn’t wanna leave the house except to go eat sushi.
Girl #2: Ew, sushi.
Girl #1: I know, right? He expects me to eat that shit? I’m not a fucking polar bear.

–7 train

Overheard by: rachel

Girl: Hey, fancy seeing you here! Where do you work?
Guy: Wall Street.
Girl: Where are you coming from?
Guy: A business meeting. I’m so wasted!

–C train

Hobo: Oh, lady got some nice threads. Those be Gucci or Calvin Klein or some shit like that?
Preggers: No sir, these threads be maternity.

–R train

Suit: Can you move a little?
Teen girl: I can’t. My hair’s stuck in the door.
Suit: Oh. That’s a good reason. Okay.

–L train

A black HS girl pushes her way past a white yuppie to get off the train.

Yuppie: Whoa, slow down, Boniva!
Girl: Shut the fuck up, Opie!

–L train

Girlfriend: It’s just that I give you pristine vagina and you give me used books.
Boyfriend: Your gratitude is staggering.

–D train

Guy: These train drivers have to be suicidal. They spend all day underground in the dark.
Girl: Yeah, or they’re just vampires.

–N Train

Overheard by: Owen J