Guy #1: Hey, what’s up?
Guy #2: Not much.
Guy #1: I heard you went to the hospital or something.
Guy #2: Yeah, I stopped breathing.
–F train
Guy #1: Hey, what’s up?
Guy #2: Not much.
Guy #1: I heard you went to the hospital or something.
Guy #2: Yeah, I stopped breathing.
–F train
Dude #1: …This girl was so fucking hot. I went up to her and asked her if she wanted to dance. She said, “I don’t dance” and I said, “I don’t either.” But she was like, “Sorry, I really don’t dance. I’m not, like, rejecting you or anything.” So I went back towards the stage and kept dancing.
Dude #2: Okay.
Dude #1: Then, after the next song, I went up to her and asked her to dance again and she said no, but she kinda smiled at me like she thought it was cute.
Dude #2: So?
Dude #1: So, after the show, I hung around to try to talk to her.
Dude #2: What happened?
Dude #1: I don’t know. I got too drunk and forgot what she looked like.
Dude #2: You’re a fucking moron.
–6 train
Mom: I’d hate to drop dead of a heart attack, but I’d rather it be at Six Flags.
–W train
Tween thug #1: The Bible crazy…how you gonna contradict a book
that contradict itself?
Tween thug #2: You just gotta decide for yo’self which came first,
the people or the dinosaurs.
–R Train
Black guy: Clinton was the closest we ever had to a black president!
Black girl: Aw, shit! Clinton is my nigga!
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: FTrainIsFunTrain
Chinese boy: What street is this? Onion Street?
–N train, Union Street station
Conductor: Good news for riders going local. This train is not going express, as previously announced, but going local, like normal. If there’s such a thing as normal…Questions? Comments? Suggestions? See your conductor, located in the center of the train. Don’t just walk around confused. Ask me! I know! Usually…Just a reminder to turn those frowns upside-down. Smiling burns more calories!
Guy: Giving the finger to the conductor burns calories, too.
–R train
Overheard by: Dawn
Bag lady: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I have not had a meal in four days. If anyone can spare anything I would appreciate it…
Guy: Ma’am? Sit down here a second…Ma’am, these people may be fooled into compassion by your story, but I am not. I was out in the desert in Mexico once, just south of the Big Bend, and went eight days without a bite to eat. Out of pure desperation, on the ninth day I attacked a javelina with a sharp rock. I ate half of that pig raw before the thing quit kicking and died…
Woman: Good God!
Guy: Four days is nothing. If I see you again on the 2nd, and you’re up to seven days, I’ll take you out for a meal. I’ve taken up one minute of your time. Pro-rating a six-dollar-an-hour salary, that minute is worth ten cents. That’s before taxes of course, but I’m sure your accountant will sort all of that out for you. Good luck.
–6 train
Overheard by: BC Slais
Hipster chick: You like the Killers? Of all the British bands–
Hipster boy: I think they’re from Vegas, actually.
Hipster chick: Well, I just assumed they’re British because they suck.
–L train
Chick: Oh my god. I had, like, so many guys hit on me last night.
Queer: Puh-leeze, you know they only talk to you because you look like a total prostitute.
–A train
