Chinese boy: What street is this? Onion Street?
–N train, Union Street station
Chinese boy: What street is this? Onion Street?
–N train, Union Street station
Conductor: Good news for riders going local. This train is not going express, as previously announced, but going local, like normal. If there’s such a thing as normal…Questions? Comments? Suggestions? See your conductor, located in the center of the train. Don’t just walk around confused. Ask me! I know! Usually…Just a reminder to turn those frowns upside-down. Smiling burns more calories!
Guy: Giving the finger to the conductor burns calories, too.
–R train
Overheard by: Dawn
Bag lady: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I have not had a meal in four days. If anyone can spare anything I would appreciate it…
Guy: Ma’am? Sit down here a second…Ma’am, these people may be fooled into compassion by your story, but I am not. I was out in the desert in Mexico once, just south of the Big Bend, and went eight days without a bite to eat. Out of pure desperation, on the ninth day I attacked a javelina with a sharp rock. I ate half of that pig raw before the thing quit kicking and died…
Woman: Good God!
Guy: Four days is nothing. If I see you again on the 2nd, and you’re up to seven days, I’ll take you out for a meal. I’ve taken up one minute of your time. Pro-rating a six-dollar-an-hour salary, that minute is worth ten cents. That’s before taxes of course, but I’m sure your accountant will sort all of that out for you. Good luck.
–6 train
Overheard by: BC Slais
Hipster chick: You like the Killers? Of all the British bands–
Hipster boy: I think they’re from Vegas, actually.
Hipster chick: Well, I just assumed they’re British because they suck.
–L train
Chick: Oh my god. I had, like, so many guys hit on me last night.
Queer: Puh-leeze, you know they only talk to you because you look like a total prostitute.
–A train
Rich girl #1: So she got into a fight with her step mother last night.
Rich girl #2: But she can’t have a stepmother; her real mother isn’t dead yet!
–6 train
Overheard by: Adam
Dude #1: How many pricks?
Dude #2: 15.
Dude #1: Nah…5? 4?
Dude #2: 5.
Dude #1: Okay, we’re agreed. 5 pricks on the train. Later, bro.
–6 train
Overheard by: T-Dub
Old woman: You know I love them Jews.
Guy: How do you know I’m a Jew?
Old woman: You took the seat like a Jew.
Guy: How does a Jew take a seat?
–1 train
Overheard by: Max Ravyn
Man on cell: Hey, I just got out of work and…wait…dude, are you having sex?…While I’m on the phone with you?…You…you’re having sex with Amy?…What would…you mean you think the fact that it’s Amy makes it all right to pick up the phone?…No! No! That makes it worse!
–2 train
Girl #1: Offer him a chip.
Girl #2: Okay. Would you like a chip?
Hobo: Young lady, are you teasing me?
–6 train
