Girl: So how’s your cougar?
Guy: She’s good.
Girl: What is she, 50?
Guy: 52.
Girl: And you’re…32?
Guy: 34.
Girl: She ever been married?
Guy: Divorced. That’s how I got right in there.
Girl: So is this, like, something serious? Like a forever thing?
Guy: No! I mean, I want kids, and she keeps getting these heat flashes. You know?
–L Train
Hobo #1: You got more teeth than me.
Hobo #2: Yeah, I got six, but three of them are broken.
Hobo #1: You got six and a half.
–6 train
Overheard by: jt castleton
Chick #1: I had the best date last night… It was so big.
Chick #2: You don’t even know, girl. It’s not the length, it’s the roun’th.
–L train
Overheard by: Heather
20‐something girl #1, running into friend: Oh hey!! How are you?
20‐something girl #2: Doing so well! It’s nice to see you…
(they catch up, and five minutes later)
20‐something girl #1, changing the subject without warning: Yeah, I know a lot of Johns.
20‐something girl #2, shocked: Oh. Hah… damn, girl! It has been a while. What’ve you been up to that you know a bunch of Johns?
20‐something girl #1, after confused pause: Oh… Oh! I mean I know a lot of people named John. I don’t… Well… Yeah. I don’t do that.
20‐something girl #2, laughing: Oh, good! Girl, I was gonna say, “Well, she used to be kind of a slut, but straight‐up prostitution is a little out of character.“
20‐something girl #1, laughing: I know, right?
–6 Train
Overheard by: …Did you miss that she just called you a slut?
Man #1: She’s got a kid, and I want no part of that. But I like her a lot…
Man #2: Right.
Man #1: I mean, she’s not that attractive, you know, but she has a nice ass.
–3 train
Overheard by: rat
Meathead Yankees fan #1: Hey, did you know I got a tattoo? (shows friend tattoo)
Meathead Yankees fan #2: No, man! When did you get it?
Meathead Yankees fan #1: A while ago. I was actually on my way to Pep Boys, and I stopped in a shop, and came out with a tattoo.
–A Train
Overheard by: Traczie
Dramatic chick: You’re crazy!
Calm guy: No. That’s the problem. You’re not crazy.
–4 Train
Dude #1: So, when did you get married?
Dude #2: I got married four weeks ago, in Vegas!
Dude #1: Really?
Dude #2: Yeah. Apparently Elvis wasn’t wearing any underwear when he married us, and some of the guests saw Little Elvis.
Dude #1: Ugh, bummer, dude! Are you sure you’re really married?
–1 train
Overheard by: LG
Guy: Naw, naw, I read that he died.
Girl: J.K. Rowling is a woman, and she’s not dead; she just wrote this book.
Guy: Naw…you sure? I really think I read that he died.
Girl: No! Anyway, she said that in the wizarding world, Muggles–
Guy: Muggles? Oh, is that one of those British words?
Girl: No, it’s just a word she made up.
Guy: Right, and we wouldn’t understand it here, because it’s one of them British words.
–M train
Overheard by: Kev
Puerto Rican girl: Wwhy you all cut that island in half? You racist against the niggas on the other half? They your neighbors!
Dominican girl: I know, right? It’s the hatred. Like, you all be racist against white people…
Puerto Rican girl: Yeah, but everyone is racist against white people. That don’t count!
–6 train
Overheard by: JS
Headline by: Zorak
Runners‐Up:
· “Better to Be the Hater Than the Haiti” — madfigs
· “Just Like Proper Grammar.” — Jo
· “The Original ‘I Have a Dream’ Speech…” — Rahul Advani
· “White People: They Can Do That?” — Kiki Malibu
· “White People Would Have Weighed In, but They Were Golfing” — s h
