Teenage girl: What the fuck is Staten Island anyway?
Teenage boy: Seriously. It could float away and no one would give a shit.
–1/9 train
Teenage girl: What the fuck is Staten Island anyway?
Teenage boy: Seriously. It could float away and no one would give a shit.
–1/9 train
Chick #1: What street are we getting off at again?
Chick #2: 59th street.
Chick #1: I hope we are on the right train.
Chick #2: Of course we are. I think it’s the next stop.
Conductor: This is 72nd street, transfer to the 1,2,3 trains–
Chick #1: There’s the express. Should we switch trains?
Chick #2: No, we’ll switch at 50th street.
–Uptown #9 train
Overheard by: Marc
Girl on cell: Oh no! I dropped a bunch of papers that I don’t need!
–Pace University elevator
Overheard by: shawn mac
Conductor: The next stop will be…Hell, I don’t even know what it is!
–B train
Overheard by: Miss Babette
Guy: You know, when I was doing those breathing exercises, I realized: I don’t think I’ve been able to breathe out of my left nostril since 1995.
–General Store, DUMBO
Overheard by: Beth
Dude #1: I never knew people actually lived on Staten Island.
Dude #2: I know!
Dude #1: I thought it was just a big mall.
Dude #2: With the Mafia…
Dude #1: And garbage…
Dude #2: I know!
Dude #1: You know what’s totally sad? I got a 1450 on my SATs.
–A train
Old Drunk: Did you hear about the guy that shot the judge in Atlanta? Well, they caught him. You know how? After he shot the judge, he ran over to Graceland, where Michael Jackson lives, and he shot Michael Jackson in the leg. That is why Michael Jackson is walking around in his pajamas all the time, because his leg hurts and he can’t get dressed.
–N train
Overheard by: AG
Short guy: You owe me money.
Hefty guy: I don’t owe you shit, Goldilocks! Don’t make me fucking slap you.
Short guy: I thought it was Erin Go Bragh, not Erin Go Fuck You Up.
–N train
Drunk Irish guy #1: So what are you ladies doing after this?
Drunk Irish girl #1: More bar hopping.
Drunk Irish guy #2: So you ladies into having some fun tonight?
Drunk Irish girl #2: What do you mean?
Drunk Irish guy #2: We could have one big drunken orgy.
Drunk Irish girl #2: Are you kidding me? Go blow out your ass, stupid.
Drunk Irish guy #2: OK, how about I feel those big tits?
Drunk Irish girl #1: You are an idiot.
Drunk Irish guy #2: Fuck you, you fat bitch.
The guys walk away.
Drunk Irish girl #3: Why did you have to say that for?
Drunk Irish girl #2: He was being a jerk.
Drunk Irish girl #3: But they are cute.
Drunk Irish girl #2: Yeah, you right.
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: kendra
Sort of drunk guy: You’re getting more beer? You can barely walk.
Really drunk guy: That’s no reason to stop drinking.
–Saint Mark’s Place & 3rd Ave.
Teen girl #1: I’m going to Delaware this weekend. Fucking Delaware!
Teen girl #2: It’s not that bad, Delaware’s cool.
Teen girl #1: No, it’s not. Delaware’s like…a booger in the nose of America, a pimple on the chin of the USA, a snaggletooth in the smile of–
Teen girl #2: OK, we get it. You hate Delaware.
–1 train
A boy pulls Swedish fish, a king-size Twix, king-size Skittles, and a bottle of lemonade out of his pocket.
His friend sitting next to him says: This kid’s a fucking vending machine! You give him a quarter, he spits out gum!
–1 train
College chick: She’s all gay. She’s like, “I’m gay, I’m gay, I’m gay.” Then why you fuckin a guy?
–D train
Boy, 10 #1: What’s credit? How do you get credit?
Boy, 10 #2: It’s like, you know when you take out a book with your library card? If you don’t return it like forever, then you get bad credit.
–6 train
Overheard by: bluesdog
