Women

Middle aged woman: You gots laxatives? Where da laxatives?
Shelfstacker: Laxawhat?
Middle aged woman: Oh yeah, youse too young to know about it, huh? When you gets to my age, you know all about it.

–CVS, 96th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: erra

Tourist woman: I had no idea the Guggenheim Museum was so cheesy looking. What’s it made out of? Is that papier mache or something?
Tourist man: Well, I remember reading somewhere that Frank Lloyd Wright really was a nut.

–5th Ave. & 88th St.

Overheard by: Galen Chistopher

Bald spot chick: I’m bipolar, depressed, and I have a personality disorder, but the doctor says if I quit pulling out my hair he’ll change me from twenty-four medicines to nineteen.

–Broadway & 51st

Woman: I don’t care how blind you are, you gotta cover your ears when that happens.

–23rd & 7th

Woman: There aren’t enough websites for club-thumbs on the internet.

–Midtown office

Guy on cell: My life is a falafel. No, no, wait, it’s a pita. My life is a pita.

–Broadway & Astor Place

Teen boy: When I get home, I’m gonna get me one of them nutrient shake shits.

–M23 bus

Overheard by: Jon Graboff

Woman: I didn’t like the emu there. I’m not going to like it here.

–Eight Mile Creek, Mulberry Street

Overheard by: james uphoff

Woman: He wouldn’t let me leave the store until I bought the champagne. So I bought it and went home and started drinking it, and it was the best stuff ever! I’d gone through half the bottle when I thought I should stop, so then I went over and gave it to the neighbors.

–6 train

Woman: Why are you smiling and licking your lips at me? Do you do this to all the customers?

–J & R Music World, Park Row

Overheard by: mimi lester

Cashier Lady #1: What I’ma do if I gotta go to the pussy doctor? Tell the boss I gotta itch in my pussy?
Cashier Lady #2: Yeah, you gotta protect your privacy.
Cashier Lady #1: They don’t gotta know all about my pussy’s issues.

–Hunter College cafeteria

Overheard by: Carrie

Old woman: Did you see this play?
Old man: Yes.
Old woman: Well, do you know who the father of the baby is?
Old man: Well, I know it wasn’t me.

–59th & Park

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, due to backups on the F, this train is going to make express stops only at Delancey Street all the way to Brooklyn. Passengers who would like to get off at 2nd Avenue and East Broadway please get off the train and take the next train right behind us.
Sephora shopping bags woman: Right behind us, my ass! We’re all gonna die!

–F train

Overheard by: Alex Wipf

Black woman: White men are fucking idiots! They’re morons.

–M7 bus

Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer

Teenage boy: Man, I seen that guy Q…he’s all the time going to Coney Island.

–57th St. station (Q train terminal stop)

Italian guy: …so my nephew, right? He’s so stupid I gotta make him the lifeguard at my car wash!

–Taormina, Mulberry St.

Overheard by: Eric Rexilius