Skinny, black charity mugger: Hey, look at you! Help feed the homeless!
Chubby white chick: No, sorry.
Skinny, black chugger: You, feed the homeless!
Chubby white chick: Sorry, no thanks, I’m late.
Skinny, black chugger: You big enough to feed the homeless!
–Broadway & 10th
Overheard by: booksandlibretti
20‐something female shopkeeper to coworker, as Michael Jackson’s “Rock with You” plays on the radio: Did you hear he’s sick? Apparently, he’s in the hospital. I know, it’s crazy. Can you imagine if he dies? If he dies, that’ll be, like, the most awful thing to happen to America in years!
–Pet Food Store
Overheard by: Nathalie
Suit on cell: What if Michael Jackson sucking your dick was the cure for cancer?
–8th & Broadway
Man, lighting cigarette: So what’d he die from? A sunburn?
–Chambers St. & West Broadway
Middle aged black lady on cell: If you can get Michael Jackson on a condom box it would definitely sell.
–MacDougal & 8th St
Nine‐year‐old boy, pointing to a newspaper article, to younger sister: Oh yeah, that guy? He was fifty. He used to be a black guy but made himself become white.
–Canal & Orchard, Chinatown
Overheard by: Lauren T.
Large tattooed man, discussing Michael Jackson: One of those kids is his; the other two can’t be, they’re white. They were all unofficially inseminated, though.
–Delancey & Essex
Bus driver, to guy entering bus: Sorry, ladies only.
–45th & 5th
Overheard by: Jobee
Tranny: Girl, you gotta keep that penis.
–Midtown
Chick on cell: I like the idea of having a penis.
–Harlem
Overheard by: hott bi luvr
Woman: Unless they’re gay, in which case you should just pretend I said men instead of girls. But it’s all still true.
–47th & 8th
Man on cell: Everyone is asking me if I’m a lesbian this week. What is that about?
–Christopher & Bedford
Overheard by: staso
Woman to co‐worker: So he has all girls as daughters.
–225 Broadway, 4th floor
Overheard by: Jennifer
Queer: God, I either need to fuck a boy or a trannie tonight!
–13th & Broadway
Overheard by: liza
Girl: Yeah, so, did you hear that the bald eagle isn’t extinct anymore?
–Central Park
Chick #1: Hey, who was Yasser Arafat?
Chick #2: Uh, wasn’t he the president of Mexico?
Chick #1: Kill me.
–Washington Square Park
Hipster on cell: I’m not even buying anything. I’m just here to be seen.
–Trader Joe’s
Hipster boy: I loves me some master race!
–Lobby, the Met
Overheard by: Shayna
Tipsy hipster girl: Wine is so, like, the blood of the gods!
–W 4th & Christopher St
Hipster guy: I think the most truly good person who’s ever been on this earth was Gandhi. Or maybe Martin Luther King, Junior… But he was black.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ghandi was Indian..
Drunk chick: What kind of hipsters are you that you won’t fuck a girl just because she wants to wear a Sailor Moon costume?
–St. Mark’s Pl
Mom: Don’t think of it as losing a friend…but as gaining a holiday destination.
–A train
Overheard by: Clacky
Girl #1: What’s with the people yelling?
Girl #2: It’s a protest about something.
Girl #1: What are they protesting?
Girl #2: I don’t know, the Bubonic Plague?
–Washington Square SE
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said “Come on, Mr California!” and I was like: “Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!”
–G Train
Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame
Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas.
–Tram to Roosevelt Island
Eight‐year‐old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell!
–38th & 2nd Ave
Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton‐John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.
–Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.
Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s.
–43rd St between Madison & 5th
Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California.
–New York Public Library, 42nd St branch
Overheard by: Jason
Teen girl #1: Yo, how is learning how to make 3d shapes and stuff gonna help us become doctors? I joined Brooklyn Tech gateway to take AP classes, go to a good college, and be rich in life. Whoopy‐de‐do, I know how to create a 3d table! My life is mad cool now!
Teen girl #2: Word. Dis is bullshit, but hey at least we smarta dan dem otha bitches.
Teen girl #1 True dat, true dat.
–14th & 5th
