Girl #1: Oh my God, don’t we know him?
Girl #2: Duh, that’s Crotchman.
Girl #1: Riiight. From that party.
Girl #2: Yeah.

–Penn Station

Chick: One time I saw this old guy fall and drop his cane onto the subway tracks, and it was raining, so we tried to talk people into giving him their umbrella, since he couldn’t get the cane–and we were so mad when no one would give us an umbrella, ’cause you can’t just buy a cane at Duane Reade.

–6 train

Overheard by: Todd Seavey

Chick: When I first got here from Jersey, I thought I’d let it all out, live my own life, but I quickly realized that was a bad idea.

–Blue Ribbon Sushi, Soho

Overheard by: Abby

Law Student: The Nation is too conservative for her.

–Fordham Law

Overheard by: Patrick Smith

Guy: Where do you live again?
Girl: Right over there.
Guy: Can I walk you home?
Girl: But it’s right over there…

–Orchard Street

Girl on phone: I forget what the BD stands for, but I’m pretty sure the SM stand for sado-masochism. My ad was in the platonic section, anyway.

–60th & Columbus

Overheard by: Alaska

Scary Punk Teenage Girl: Have you heard of this play Medea?
Not-so-scary Punk Teenage Guy: Yeah, that’s a good play. Have you heard of Arthur Miller?
Scary Punk Teenage Girl: Who?
Not-so-scary Punk Teenage Guy: Arthur Miller. He wrote Death of a Salesman.
Scary Punk Teenage Girl: No.
Not-so-scary Punk Teenage Guy: Oh, he died last week. He was 89.
Scary Punk Teenage Girl: Wow, that’s terrible. I didn’t even know that and I deliver newspapers.

–They Might Be Giants in-store, Border’s, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Monica

Chick #1: …and I swear my head rammed into the wall and it’s that cheap crappy sheet rock and there’s a hole in it now. I’m gonna tell him to write his name on it!
Chick #2: Oh, he’ll probably like that.

–The Gap, Bensonhurst

Overheard by: Deborah Olin

A ghetto guy checks out a girl’s ass and says: Damn, yo. I had one like that back in ’88. When I was workin’ in the mailroom.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Zander

Girl: There is no sperm in the period! Jeez, you’re a moron.

–Lincoln Center

Teen Girl 1: Omigod, she totally promised to stay after and help me take audition pictures, and she bailed on me.
Teen Girl 2: Yeah, she’s like the French: “Ve vill help you America! Zhust kidding…ve have to go drink coffee and eat croissants now!”

–Lincoln Center

Girl with hideous fur hat: How were the interviews today?
Girl with birkenstocks and socks: They didn’t hire the black candidate. They suck.
Girl with hideous fur hat: Why not?
Girl with birkenstocks and socks: Because he had a big dick, duh.
Girl with hideous fur hat: Oh, OK.

–5th Avenue & 54th Street

Overheard by: Julia