Gay man in hipster glasses, sticking ass out: Papi! It hurts! Open it up and see what’s wrong!
Blonde white girl, whining: But what does that meeeeeeannnnn?

–Bleecker & Perry

Chick on cell: You know what’s weird? You’re a nigger but in pictures you look like a white boy. Why is that?

–F train

Overheard by: Julie

Black guy on cell: They black people down there! I’m from New York, I don’t know nothing about black people!

–Boerum Hill bodega

A Black man with a cane approaches a white girl sitting on steps and says: Have you ever, since the day you were born till the minute you woke up this morning, desired a black man?

–18th & 8th

Girl: I don’t want to be racist. I mean, not out loud.

–Broadway & Houston

Cashier: I am so sick of Destiny’s Child!

–Virgin Megastore, Union Square

Girl: The guy in this photo has gigantism. It’s a condition where you don’t stop growing–
Guy: That rocks.
Girl: –but you die really young.
Guy: Oh wait, it doesn’t. 

–Diane Arbus exhibit, The Met

Overheard by: Eviltom

Cute girl about upcoming CAT scan: There’s a part of me that’s actually a little excited… or at least interested, because, you know, it’s a new experience.
Friend: It will be an adventure. A medical adventure. Like House!
Girl: Except the doctor won’t be nearly as sexy as Hugh Laurie.
Friend: But he’ll have a better bedside manner.
Girl: It’d be worth the bedside manner if he were that sexy.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show. It gives us unrealistic expectations.
Girl: My mind right now is like 45% fear, 25% excitement, 15% rational thought, you know, that it’s probably not cancer, and the rest is Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard battling for my affections.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show.

–L Train

Overheard by: Jonah

Hipster guy: Have you ever been arrested?
Hipster girl: Yeah, when I was sixteen my friend and I got arrested for shoplifting. It really wasn’t that bad. The cops were super cool and we were all joking around and shit and our mugshots were actually pretty cute.

–HopScotch Cafe

Girl #1: Why is it so hot in here?
Girl #2: Hobo farts.

–1 train station, 168th St

Chick #1: The girl puts on 10 pounds and nobody wants her.
Chick #2: But she did cocaine.
Chick #1: Big deal! Everyone does cocaine!

–Conde Nast Building, Times Square

Girl #1: My apartment smells like balls.
Girl #2: That’s nothing. I think my neighbor is sniffing my panties in the laundry room. 

–28th & Park

Overheard by: Stephanie 

Girl #1: But… Isn’t he from Japan?
Girl #2: Duh, Japanese people speak Chinese!
Girl #1: Oh my god! (laughs) You are so funny! People from Japan speak Spanish. Everybody knows that!

–A Train

Overheard by: Hiding In The Corner (Highly Disturbed.)

Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b‑o‐n‑g.

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kyle

Man in light green suit with orange‐red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don’t smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don’t get high tonight!

–125th & Lenox

Overheard by: Plausible

Young hipster: So I said, “Mom, did you smoke with me?”

–Central Park Reservoir

Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don’t want me smoking pot, you don’t want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don’t want me chewing gum and now you don’t like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that’s okay with you?

–L Train

Overheard by: It’s me, bitches.

Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you’re smoking is really good.

–Cooper Union

Overheard by: me too

Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I’m serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don’t you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can’t see anymore and then I’ll be there. Alright? Bye.

–8th Ave & 27th St

Overheard by: Erica Friedman

Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn’t smell like weed?

–Washington Square Park