All Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: When I first got here from Jersey, I thought I’d let it all out, live my own life, but I quickly realized that was a bad idea.

–Blue Ribbon Sushi, Soho

Overheard by: Abby

Law Student: The Nation is too conservative for her.

–Fordham Law

Overheard by: Patrick Smith

B&T chick: What I really liked about this guy is that he could write his name in cocaine. And underline it.

–Grand Central food court

Overheard by: Nathan K. Claus

Guy: All I want is for my relatives to die in a certain order.

–University Ave, Bronx

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Guy on cell: It’s not like I sucked some guy’s dick last…oh wait, I did!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: a.alvarez & c.palmatier

Guy: I’m sorry, I left my foundation at home today.

–The Flame, Clinton

Overheard by: Sandy

JHS girl: I’ll be damned if I let a seventh-grader ruin my reputation.

–8th Ave. playground

Sweaty fat man on cell: I would feel stupid if I were in a diabetic coma.

–8th Ave. between 21st & 22nd

Girl: We’re outside now. Now I can entertain you.

–57th & Park

Overheard by: heather

Hobo: Hey Mr. Rockafella, can you help a blackafella?

— 7th Av & W. 11th

Overheard by: Gillian Glasser

Eurochick: I’ve got to dance tonight. I didn’t make any money here this week.

–Soho salon

Woman on cell: Where are you? I’m lost!…I don’t know! I’m uptown. I’m on a corner. I’m in front of a tall building.

–57th & Lex

Overheard by: Heather

Construction worker: …it was like, the biggest skull ever found or
some shit.

–44th & Madison

Teenage girl: I failed the math test so I told Ma I ain’t gonna graduate in June. I ain’t gotta do anything but stay black and die.

–6 train

B&T girl: These bra inserts I’m wearing are hard as rocks!

–Tao Asian Bistro, Midtown

Woman: Well, I trusted you before you put your dick in her.

–Tabla Bread Bar, Flatiron District

A ghetto guy checks out a girl’s ass and says: Damn, yo. I had one like that back in ’88. When I was workin’ in the mailroom.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Zander

Girl: There is no sperm in the period! Jeez, you’re a moron.

–Lincoln Center

Girl: So then I asked everyone, “Who’s ever had anal?” and then he turned around…

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Megan Cowles

Girl: Cattle? Who said anything about cattle? Now chickens…they’re fun to molest sometimes.

–Fort Greene