All Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo: Anyone have any spare change or medicine for lice?

–Christopher St. station

Overheard by: Matthew Dyke

Hobo: Excuse me, excuse me, sir, do you have change for a 12?

–West 4th Street

Singing hobo: I just spilled, I just spilled, I just spilled my blackberry brand-ayyyy.

–14th St. & 6th Ave.

Overheard by: wayne mitchell

Lady: You know, I heard him sing in the back room and he was like a young Clay Aiken.

–Macy’s

Guy: There’s nothing sadder than seeing an old gay woman.

–Church Street between Vesey and Barclay

Foreign art student: …so then, we are in the shower room, and you know, we start, how do you say…masturbate, and then he leaves, and I am like, “Oh my god, I really want to talk to him too!”.

–MoMA

Black woman: White men are fucking idiots! They’re morons.

–M7 bus

Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer

Teenage boy: Man, I seen that guy Q…he’s all the time going to Coney Island.

–57th St. station (Q train terminal stop)

Italian guy: …so my nephew, right? He’s so stupid I gotta make him the lifeguard at my car wash!

–Taormina, Mulberry St.

Overheard by: Eric Rexilius

Old man: You know it’s New York cabbies when you have aliens, automobiles, and a lot of assholes.

–Astoria

Guy: One time, I was walking down the street wearing a track suit and this blind guy was behind me and he said, “Look, it’s a zebra.”

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Tori Hill

Girl on cell: You want immigrants to be your maids, your cashiers…You’re not ready for immigrants to be your doctors, your lawyers….I don’t think of myself as an immigrant. I think of myself as an expatriate.

–2nd Ave. & 10th St. liquor store

Man: So Tommy’s the security guard there, and I’m in the back room sellin’ crack to him…

–34th Street Lowe’s

Man on cell: …but there are like a thousand kinds of Crest!

–Duane Reade, 23rd St. & 6th Ave.

Overheard by: Elizabeth Rand

Chick: So when he talks about Britain, does that mean England too?

–Fordham

Overheard by: e. glass

US woman (to UK guy): You speak another language, only with American words.

–49th & 6th

Overheard by: David Grote

Guy on cell: I’m at Avenue of the Americas and…Little Brazil Street.

–W. 46th Street & 6th Avenue

A woman in a stupid fleece hat says to her friends, also in stupid fleece hats: This is my backyard when I’m not at the house!

–Central Park, 5th & 59th

Overheard by: Kat Martinez

Student: It’s not computers that’s fucking you up, it’s General Hospital.

–Pratt dorm, Willoughby Avenue

Overheard by: Eric Wrenn

Girl, 7: Sometimes, I wonder: who really did kill Kenny?

–M79 bus

Guy: I drink so much coffee, that if my girlfriend gives me a blowjob she can’t sleep all night afterwards.

–Wall St. Starbucks

Black chick: It smells like the bottom of a slave ship in here.

–Sapphire Lounge, LES

Hobo: Folks, help me out. I am trying to get my rotor blade fixed on my helicopter!

–W. 10th and 7th Ave

Overheard by: Alex Wipf

Connecticut woman: It was such a joke among my friends; I was always going out with artists or unemployed people…which I guess is the same thing.

–Cuppa Cuppa, East Village