Girl #1: Hey, check out that guy in the wheelchair.
Girl #2: He’s dancing and he’s got no legs!
–Bohemian Hall & Beer Garden, Astoria
Overheard by: Toneloca
Girl #1: Hey, check out that guy in the wheelchair.
Girl #2: He’s dancing and he’s got no legs!
–Bohemian Hall & Beer Garden, Astoria
Overheard by: Toneloca
Girl: I wonder what kind of cheese they put in these.
Guy: Me too. It’s good.
Girl: What do you think it is?
Guy: Maybe Mozzarella, I’m not sure.
Girl: It doesn’t taste like Mozzarella. I doubt it.
Guy: You’re right. I don’t know. Probably one of them Italian cheeses.
Girl: I wonder. I like it.
–Diner, Astoria
Overheard by: Jenna Vee
Driver: Hey man, are you a cab driver?
Cabbie: No, I’m a taxi driver.
–Cab, Astoria
Girl: Excuse me, do you have Anbesol?
Cashier guy: Animals? No. No animals.
Girl: No, Anbesol…it’s for gums.
Cashier guy: All of the gums are right here.
–Deli, Astoria
Overheard by: Someone who thought it was “Ambesol”
Drunk guy #1: So yeah, I’m boning her and she starts to ovulate. I’ve made girls ovulate before but this chick went crazy.
Drunk guy #2: Ew, she got her period while you were doing her?
–Astoria
Man on cell: Wait, you’re telling me my money went to help some kid go to camp? Are you fuckin’ kidding me? I thought I was curing a cripple or some shit like that. What’s up with that? I never went to camp when I was a kid. Good to hear some brat I never met is going to be swimming in a lake all summer long while my nephew is cooling himself off by a hydrant in the street.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Victor Hugo
Dork: Yeah, but he can spend all that money and gross like a billion dollars, but it’s totally gonna fuck up his legacy, man. Like that guy who was playing when Mozart was around, you know? Whatever happened to that guy?
–Diner, Astoria
Man: How could you do that to me on my birthday month?
–5th between 19th & 20th
Overheard by: Marci Kaufman
Girl: When you look at a little person, don’t you just want to pick them up?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Melissa Wechsler
Art Store guy: …the Army was really persistent. They said, “Oh, we always need artists in the Army.” And I’m like, “No, you fucking don’t! What am I gonna do, paint with the enemy’s blood?”.
–New York Central Art Supply, 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: tourist girl
Lady: Excuse me, is this train going uptown or downtown?
–L train platform, Union Square station
Overheard by: Brenna Sinnott
Manicuree #1: I learned something new about myself today–
Manicuree #2: Oh, what was that?
Manicuree #1: –at my gynecologist’s office.
Manicuree #2: Hmm?
Manicuree #1: I learned that I need an extra long speculum for my pelvic exams.
–Astoria nail salon
Woman: This block has the best garbage!
–2nd Avenue & 8th Street
Girl on cell: We’ve already got plans again for this weekend. I’m really excited about this guy; he’s great. He’s really driven, really ready to succeed. He’s a doctor…No, not in real life, on TV.
–57th & Lexington
Overheard by: Heather
White guy: That wasn’t the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.
–Astoria party
Overheard by: Noah Starr
Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.
–Broadway & Prince
Girl: In theory…I was going to end that sentence with, “the dolphins will be OK.”
–7 train
Overheard by: Amado Angel
Lady: Well, he’s an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he’s a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.
–Midtown office
Dude #1: OK, I’ve got cash, let’s go back to the titty bar.
Dude #2: The only problem is these machines don’t give you singles.
–Astoria Citibank ATM
