Girl: You left me for two hours!
Hot gay guy: You left me for one hour!
Girl: I had an errand to run! You did not!
Hot gay guy: My organism is an errand!
Girl: Do normal people do this? When I’m bored, I read or do something constructive.
Hot gay guy: When I’m bored, I have an orgasm.
–9th & Ave C
One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox?
–R Train
Overheard by: Ferna
Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven’t been home since the show. Doesn’t that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself)
–McCarren Park
Overheard by: AleKatz
Woman on cell: It smells like college!
–BrewFest, South Street Seaport
Office student: It literally smells like my ass.
–CCNY Computer Lab
Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties.
–Q Train
Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn’t mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn’t smell. It didn’t smell like anything.
–Union Square
Overheard by: who are these people?
Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I’m serious, if you watch porn, you won’t have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.
–Brooklyn
Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin’ all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?
–Bowling Green Station
Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don’t, they’re lying. Even the Pope masturbates!
–Union Square
Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It’s not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!
–Outside Starbucks
Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what’s the problem with that?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Robert G.
Girl #1: So, how was your night last night?
Girl #2: Um, I’m pretty sure I have jizz in my hair.
–Washington Square Park
NYU guy #1: Yeah, she totally came!
NYU guy #2: Twice!
–Cloister Cafe
Girl: Oh! Did I tell you? Karen* had an orgasm from anal!
Queer: You guys can can do that too?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Sean, not queer but not straight
Hobo to female passerby (singing): Pretty woman, walking down the street/Pretty woman, eating a hamburger…
–Wendy’s, Union Square
Overheard by: Hungry Bystander
Salesgirl to another: You look pretty today…for a little Filipino girl.
–American Eagle, SoHo
Overheard by: Holly
Loud hobo walking through crowded train: Lots of beautiful ladies on this train. Beautiful white ladies. Beautiful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy‐looking girl) Do you wear makeup? You shouldn’t. You don’t need it, you are so beautiful. If you have any makeup, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ugly.
–Downtown 4 Train
50‐something woman to pretty 20‐something girl: I just wanted you to know that our husbands over there think you are one of the most beautiful girls they have ever seen. So now our husbands are going to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be thinking of you during, but thanks to you I am going to have an orgasm tonight, so thank you for being so gorgeous.
–Boat Basin Cafe
Overheard by: Megan W.
Guy on iPhone: You think because you’re pretty you can get away with that shit. Well, you’re wrong! You can get away with that shit because you’re rich!
–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
Girl #1: So wait… You have trouble orgasming?
Girl #2: Yes! It’s like impossible for me to come through sex alone.
Girl #1: But fingering and oral works?
Girl #2: Well, yeah.
Girl #1 to guy friend: How ya hanging in there, Matt?
Matt: I need to start hanging out with more guys.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Little girl: Daddy, what’s an orgasm?
Dad: It’s kinda like a sneeze. Now don’t ask me any more questions.
–Times Square
Woman: One more stop, but then we’ll still be really fucking far away from home.
Man: Maybe the bus will come like that [snaps fingers], just like I came this morning [snaps them again].
Woman: Shhh! There are other people on this train, you know!
Man: Oh, it doesn’t matter, no one’s listening.
–L train
Overheard by: i’m sitting right next to you
