Parks

Not Quite Absolutely Fabulous

Chick: He was not really completely gay.
Guy: What was he, then?
Chick: He was more just completely fabulous.

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: jennifer

Girl: I’m pathetic enough but not fabulous enough to be a fag hag.

–The Ansonia, 73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Girl #1: You shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself. We are single and fabulous, explanation point.
Girl #2: …Don’t you mean “exclamation point”?

–Garden Cafe, Inwood

Guy #1: …I walked in and the warehouse was just full of tiny little boots.
Guy #2: That sounds fabulous.

–Central Park

Where is King Syphilitic Dementia’s “Fireplace”?

Hobo: I am the king, bow down before me…The president of the United States is a retarded fuck. American people don’t care about life. Why fight for America? Fuck sending a bunch of people over there to kill and be killed. It’s ridiculous. Bush thinks it’s okay. He’s the dictator, he’s the bad man. If I ever get my hands on him, I’m gonna torture his ass. I’ll cut his dick off. I’ll take a pipe from the fireplace and stick it up his ass. I’m the king. I’ll always be the king. I say this…Don’t ever believe America. America is godless. The people are full of shit. Anyone who goes to war for America has got to be out their motherfuckin’ mind.

–Central Park

Overheard by: psd

“…and I suspect the squirrels are Jewish.”

Dude: Does the Parks Commission feed squirrels and pigeons?
Parks guy: No.
Dude: Why not?
Parks guy: Listen, I saw a pigeon drinking a Heineken the other day. I got no respect for pigeons.

–Madison Square Park

Then Who’s Going to Make the Bag?

Sun-bathing girl #1: Uh oh, they’re bringing a dog into a No Dogs Allowed park.
Sun-bathing girl #2: I don’t understand that rule. I think it should be no kids or dogs allowed.
Sun-bathing girl #3: Yeah, I hate kids.
Sun-bathing girl #2: I’d kill a baby for a Birkin bag.

–Central Park

Overheard by: JB

One Last Dip (A NYC Short Story)

Teen boy #1: Hey mami, looking good, shake it!…Yo, you’re all wet, have fun at the pool?
Teen boy #2: Yeah, you know, it was okay.
Teen boy #3: Wait, who are you talking to?
Teen boy #1: The lady!

She bursts out laughing.

The Lady: Morons.

–Astoria Park

Well, You Guys Make for Great Lighters

Preppy guy: Hey, man, you got a cigarette?
Hobo: I’m fuckin’ homeless and you’re asking me for a cigarette?

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Matt

Scenes from the Free Concerts

Man: Of course you have to pick the row with the cripple. I can’t get up now because I’ll feel bad that she has to use her cane every time!
Woman: Frankly, I didn’t even notice.
Man: Yeah, till you kicked her cane!

–Prospect Park Bandshell

Girl: Excuse me!…Would you guys keep it down? I am trying to listen to the band!
Guy: Oh, I am sorry…Would you mind crossing your legs? I am trying to enjoy the outdoors.

–Prospect Park Bandshell

Hey, God! Nietzsche Ain’t Dead

Beach guy: I’ve seen what happens to people that go in that water. They become mutants.
Beach girl: Our lives can only be improved by becoming mutants.

–Jacob Riis Park

That’s More “un-F-able”

Guy: …it’s just part of my ineffable charm!
Girl: If “ineffable” means “unfuckable” you’re right on the money.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Manhattman

It’s Not Enough That She Turned Him Into a Hippie

Hippie boy: What are we going to talk about? He’s a hairdresser and I’m a teenager!
Mom: Date him, I guess.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Gretchen

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