Fag Hags

30‐something fag hag: I mean, cum is a fine substance. In small quantities it can even be kind of pleasant. But you wouldn’t want a bucket of it.
Queer: Speak for yourself.

–Miracle Grill

Overheard by: Trying not to choke on my nachos

Queer: Hey! Nice tits!
Morbidly obese fag hag: Hey, thanks!

–Metropolitan & Humboldt

Overheard by: dani d

Preppy gay guy: I thought she already had cancer?
Preppy fag hag, dawning realization: You’re right! She did… definitely.

–Bleecker & Grove

Overheard by: jams

Fag: Women have life so easy.
Hag: I know, life is like served on a plate to women but they’re on a diet so then they pick out all the good stuff and push the plate to the side.
Fag: Too bad the diet doesn’t do anything, cause they’re still fat and complaining.

–Wendy’s, 57th St

Queer: So, I went to that new dance club last night.
Fag hag: Oh, really? Any good?
Queer: Yeah… They were playing some weird disco music, which should’ve tipped me off. But anyway, this guy started hitting on me right away.
Fag hag: Oooh! Was he hot?
Queer: Sorta. I mean, he had this gigantic moustache.
Fag hag: Hmmm. He musta been a terrorist.
Queer: Actually, he did have that terror‐esque gleam in his eye.
Fag hag: So, did you hook up or what?
Queer: Oh, yeah, totally fucked him in the bathroom. That terror‐esque gleam is damn sexy.

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: MiMi

Fag hag: So, how was it?
Urban queer: Girl, it was a week ago and I’m still washing the taste of his dick outta my mouth!


Overheard by: Matthew

Hag: I see her point, I think that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend either. I’m just too high maintenence.
Queer: Ha! Girl, you are not high maintenance, you are just plain old needy. 

–17th & 5th

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet

Woman: You are not needy, you are so worth it!

–Elephant and Castle, Greenwich Avenue 

Overheard by: wecantdraw

Queer: Yeah, and then she started getting letters telling her how ugly she was…
Fruit flies: Oooh!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Must have been pretty f’ing ugly

Fag hag scanning seats during intermission: Oooh, look at that queen up there!
Queer: Girl, that’s no queen! He’s from Long Island.

High Fidelity show

Frumpy fag hag: Oh my god, I hate swass.
Fat queer: Swamp ass? Oh my god, I know. I’m totally not wearing underwear right now.

–60th & Columbus

Overheard by: Ali