Black guy: Three-quarters of that thing was up his ass. That nigga was fucked up for life. Mentally, physically…
–Lexington & 53rd
Black guy: Three-quarters of that thing was up his ass. That nigga was fucked up for life. Mentally, physically…
–Lexington & 53rd
Asian guy #1: Gay sex is ridiculous. Just because men don’t have twats doesn’t mean they just use any damn substitute. The asshole is biologically not for sex.
Asian guy #2: That’s all they’ve got, man.
Asian guy #1: Well, suppose there was no asshole? Or suppose the asshole was on the foot…would they fuck the foot?
Asian guy #2: Shh. You’re fucking loud, dude.
–6 train
Girl #1: What’s wrong with you?
Girl #2: I am pissed at my roommate.
Girl #1: Why this time?
Girl #2: He had the nerve to wear my wig on a date again and when I asked him about it, the asshole lied.
Girl #1: How did you know he wore it?
Girl #2: It smelled like beer, cigarettes, and AnalEase again.
–6 train
Overheard by: Casey McKendrick
Girl #1: Oh my god, I really need to shit so bad, there’s no way I can meet him like this!
Girl #2: Go in there, I’m sure they’ll let you, you know…
Girl #1: They have cockroaches in there; I’d never put my ass down where there are cockroaches.
Girl #2: But you’d put your ass down where there’s cock.
Girl #1: Maybe…but not with so much junk up there right now.
–7th & A
Queer: As my grandmother used to say, you’ve got one fuckable ass.
–Marie’s Crisis, Grove Street
Overheard by: catherine
Hobo: How you doin’? How you doin’? I’m doin’ good. Yeah, you know I’m doin’ good, cause I’m lookin’ good! And you know why I look good? ’cause I clean mah ass!
–1 train
Overheard by: Alex Valentine
NYU chick: All this work is going to fuck me in the ass so much my boyfriend won’t be able to.
–Silver Building, Waverly Place
Chick: I can’t believe how much he charged me for this disposable camera. I was like, “Why don’t you fuck me up the ass while you’re at it?”
–55th & 3rd
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Black guy: Damn, it smells like open ass around here.
–Canal & Broadway
Overheard by: Daniel
Girl: Well, she got addicted to coke, and weighs like three pounds now.
Guy: Sweet. Would I do her?
Girl: Well, it depends.
Guy: On what?
Girl: Well, she only hooks up with guys who will give it to her from
behind.
–Astor Place Barnes & Noble
Man: You know what I love? Farting in supermarkets.
–Broadway & 87th
Overheard by: alice townes
Woman on cell: Went to the club last night, goin’ to the club tonight, tomorrow sit on my ass: D-V-D!
–Eldridge & Stanton
Queer on cell: I mean, he left bruises and scratches all over my ass! I could barely sit down on the subway this morning! I’m telling you, if something happens to me today, the ER people are gonna think I’ve been beaten.
–23rd St between 6th and 7th
Black man: What is that, a raincoat? You should hang onto that. You never know when it might come back into style.
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Palaverist
Driver: Step allll the way in the back please! All the way in the back! There’s some cheese and crackers there.
–M42 bus
Overheard by: Vas Sloutchevsky
Puerto Rican chick: That mothafucka’s crazy. I ain’t puttin’ that in my butt.
–B46 bus
Overheard by: Jennifer Hess
Girl: You want a lap dance?
Guy: Huh? Sure, where?
Girl: How about your place?…I’ll give you one for two hundred bucks.
Guy: What? Are you crazy?
Girl: Okay, 50. I’m really a nice girl…I’m just having a hard time paying my bills.
Guy: No, thanks!
Girl: Okay…What would you want for 50 bucks?
Guy: Can I fuck you in the ass?
Girl: What? You’re sick.
Guy: Go home, get some sleep…and go look for a job in the morning.
–Cassidy’s Ale House, Flushing
Overheard by: Stephan
Hobo: You should put your legs together.
Girl: What did you say to me?
Hobo: Close your legs.
Girl: I’m a big girl, they’re as closed as they’re gonna get. It’s called “fat”.
Hobo: I guess you want to air out.
Girl: I guess you want a whiff.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Djuna
Drunk fratboy: Damn, you got a sexy walk, girl!…Hey, can I buy you a drink?
Girl: No, thanks anyway.
Drunk fratboy: OK…so, uh…how about I just fuck you in the ass, then?
–Washington Square Park
Boy #1: Do you want to split a bun?
Boy #2: No! I’m not gay!
Boy #1: “Split a bun” means a fucking hamburger, you asshole!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: CAP
