Ad guy #1: “Up Your Budget”? I don’t get it.
Ad guy #2: It’s for the rental car company.
Ad guy #1: But it makes you think of Up Your Butt. Is that the point? Budget wants people to think about stuffing things in their ass?
Ad guy #2: I don’t know.
Ad guy #1: “Look at me, I’m stuffing things in my ass!” “We try harder, we’re number two. We’re stuffing things in our ass!”…Hertz!
–Madison & 50th
Overheard by: Kevin
A woman at the next table is eating kielbasa with cole slaw.
Queer: Ew, that is so gross!
Woman: Do you want to know what’s gross? Sucking on someone’s cock that has just been in your ass.
–Veselka, 2nd Avenue
Guy: Man it would suck to be homeless. I would just kill someone and go to prison where at least you get a nice warm place to sleep and some food and shit.
Girl: Or you could steal some stuff, that way if you don’t get caught it’s awesome and if you do you get to go to a nice warm prison.
Guy: Yeah, prison in the US is pretty sweet, I’d bet–not like in other countries.
Girl: Except there is a lot of talk about ass-raping.
–24th & 9th
Black guy: Three-quarters of that thing was up his ass. That nigga was fucked up for life. Mentally, physically…
–Lexington & 53rd
Asian guy #1: Gay sex is ridiculous. Just because men don’t have twats doesn’t mean they just use any damn substitute. The asshole is biologically not for sex.
Asian guy #2: That’s all they’ve got, man.
Asian guy #1: Well, suppose there was no asshole? Or suppose the asshole was on the foot…would they fuck the foot?
Asian guy #2: Shh. You’re fucking loud, dude.
–6 train
Girl #1: What’s wrong with you?
Girl #2: I am pissed at my roommate.
Girl #1: Why this time?
Girl #2: He had the nerve to wear my wig on a date again and when I asked him about it, the asshole lied.
Girl #1: How did you know he wore it?
Girl #2: It smelled like beer, cigarettes, and AnalEase again.
–6 train
Overheard by: Casey McKendrick
Girl #1: Oh my god, I really need to shit so bad, there’s no way I can meet him like this!
Girl #2: Go in there, I’m sure they’ll let you, you know…
Girl #1: They have cockroaches in there; I’d never put my ass down where there are cockroaches.
Girl #2: But you’d put your ass down where there’s cock.
Girl #1: Maybe…but not with so much junk up there right now.
–7th & A
Queer: As my grandmother used to say, you’ve got one fuckable ass.
–Marie’s Crisis, Grove Street
Overheard by: catherine
Hobo: How you doin’? How you doin’? I’m doin’ good. Yeah, you know I’m doin’ good, cause I’m lookin’ good! And you know why I look good? ’cause I clean mah ass!
–1 train
Overheard by: Alex Valentine
NYU chick: All this work is going to fuck me in the ass so much my boyfriend won’t be able to.
–Silver Building, Waverly Place
Chick: I can’t believe how much he charged me for this disposable camera. I was like, “Why don’t you fuck me up the ass while you’re at it?”
–55th & 3rd
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Black guy: Damn, it smells like open ass around here.
–Canal & Broadway
Overheard by: Daniel
Girl: Well, she got addicted to coke, and weighs like three pounds now.
Guy: Sweet. Would I do her?
Girl: Well, it depends.
Guy: On what?
Girl: Well, she only hooks up with guys who will give it to her from
behind.
–Astor Place Barnes & Noble
Man: You know what I love? Farting in supermarkets.
–Broadway & 87th
Overheard by: alice townes
Woman on cell: Went to the club last night, goin’ to the club tonight, tomorrow sit on my ass: D-V-D!
–Eldridge & Stanton
Queer on cell: I mean, he left bruises and scratches all over my ass! I could barely sit down on the subway this morning! I’m telling you, if something happens to me today, the ER people are gonna think I’ve been beaten.
–23rd St between 6th and 7th
