Girl on cell: …and it was right after he said that that I started doing double penetration, and I’ve never looked back.

–C train

Overheard by: Mickey Marx

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the B train. B like, like, like, um, brothel.

–B train

Overheard by: ed

Guy on cell: …no, not her. A new chick…Yeah, man, yeah. You know me; I’m anally ambitious. I’m gonna be in her like a gerbil.

–M72 bus

Overheard by: Alexandra

Man #1: So did you get the golden ticket?
Man #2: The what?
Man #1: The golden ticket to the chocolate factory, did you get it?
Man #2: What?
Man #1: Anal! Did you hit her up the butt?
Man #2: Oh! Ha ha…yeah, finally.

–3 Train

Overheard by: Marco Formosa

Homey #1: Yo, hold up…Jesus was a virgin?! He went from 12 to 33 with nothing?
Homey #2: Fuck that shit. He definitely got his dick sucked or buttfucked some bitches.

–L Train, 8th Avenue

Overheard by: Brian McCaffrey

Thug: Damn! You can’t go nowhere now without seeing faggots. I saw two brothers holding hands on the train the other day. It’s like they were coming out of the closet on the train!
Thugette: There ain’t no closet on the train.

–L Train, 8th Avenue

Girl: So then I asked everyone, “Who’s ever had anal?” and then he turned around…

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Megan Cowles

Girl: Cattle? Who said anything about cattle? Now chickens…they’re fun to molest sometimes.

–Fort Greene

Man: I never met a necrophiliac, but my friend met one at Bellevue.

–La Grolla, UWS

Frat dude to girlfriend, after 20 minutes of drunken heavy petting: So, are we gonna have some anal sex tonight?!
Drunk chick: I don't…really do that.

–D Train

British art guy: You know what I love about Americans?
American art guy: What’s that?
British art guy: When I say the word ‘fag,’ they think I’m talking about smoking and not being homophobic. Even if I say, ‘I want to ass-fuck that fag,’ I can get away with it because I’m British.


Extremely buff gay man: Oh my god, guys! We're out fishing for anal!
Gay buddies, laughing: You're sooooo right!

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Mimi

Student #1: I have a friend who is addicted to pregger porn.
Student #2: What is that?
Student #1: It is watching pregnant women getting fucked in the ass, it’s kind of interesting.

–Columbia University

Youngblood thug #1: Yo, I just came from the doctor and my shit was just violated.
Youngblood thug #2: Nigga, what you talkn' bout?
Youngblood thug #1: He just grabbed my shit and told me to cough.
Youngblood thug #2: Yo dick?
Youngblood thug #1: Yeah, nigga!
Youngblood thug #2: Get the fuck outta here.
Youngblood thug #1, depressingly: Yeah, nigga.
Middle aged thug: That shit ain't nothing. I had a colonoscopy or whatever the fuck it's called.
Youngblood thug #1: What the fuck is that?
Middle aged thug: I don't know, but the nigga went up my ass.
Youngblood thug #1 and #2: What the fuck?
Middle aged thug: Nah, but I'm not gonna front, though that shit tickled at first.

–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn