Asians

Cute 20‐something Asian girl: I have a butt plug in right now.
Slightly older male college student: Can I have your number?

–34th & Broadway

Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat people on OkCupid?

–Bedford Ave & 8th

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Remember the other day when you told me I had a fat ass and I didn’t curse you out? So now you gonna buy me something.

–Pizzeria, 77th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Eric

Older woman waiting for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fatter sits down.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Henry Pena

Posh‐looking Asian chick: But he consumed over 6,000 calories a day, so he deserved whatever he had coming.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

White hip‐hopper on cell: Yeah, she’s so big I thought there was two of her. Then I realized she was a dude!

–Broome & Forsyth

Overheard by: Terry

Random thug: How you doin’?
Asian girl: (ignores him)
Random thug: You Asian? Or are you Chinese?
Asian girl: Neither! (walks away)

–Queens

Overheard by: Long Island white boy

Black bag lady: Oh, look, I like this samurai boy here…
Attractive Asian man, passing: Ah, thank you for getting the cultural reference right!
Black bag lady: You married?
Attractive Asian man, walking away: No, I’m gay!

–Long Island City

Asian woman #1 (reading ad for tv show): This looks kind of like Dynasty. You know, rich people stabbing each other in the back.
Asian woman #2: Oh, please. Look – the whole cast is white. I see conniving white people all day at work: why watch them again when I get home?

–4 Train

Overheard by: Iris K.

Proud Asian father to friend: And my little one here, he’s going to be a football player when he grows up!
Little Asian boy: No way, Jose! I’m gonna be a Power Ranger!

–East Flatbush, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Frado

Old lady tourist: Excuse me sir, do you know where the Chinatown is?
Flaming gay Asian guy: Yeah. It’s downtown. Just follow the smell, girl… Follow that smell!

–Canal St

Overheard by: InShock

Asian nerd #1: … Of course, ’cause I’d rather all of them have my DNA and not some other random person’s!
Asian nerd #2: No, of course, dude, I totally agree.

–NYU

Suit #1: So now the mayor wants this new festival.
Suit #2: Oh, yeah? Which one?
Suit #1: The Asian Heritage festival, whatever the hell that means.

–Chambers & Broadway

Overheard by: Chandini Davis

Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.

–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Marina Tricorico

Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.

–Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Alice Huang

Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!

–84th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.

–Chelsea

20‐something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!

–Spring & W Broadway

Three‐year‐old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.