Guy: Chicago is obviously a better city than New York. New York is Tourist Central.
Girl: That’s not true, there are still parts of the city that are untainted.
Guy: Yeah, like where?
Girl: I dunno, like, some places I still see a lot of graffiti and black people.
–56th & Lexington
Overheard by: Becca
Southern woman: Excuse me, sir? We aren’t from around here but could you tell me where Times Square is?
NY Man: Yeah, it’s a bit uptown from here, you’re lookin’ for 125th street. It’ll say Harlem but don’t let it throw you off.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Carl Krickmire
Tourist guy: Excuse me, where is the subway?
NY guy: Sorry, I don’t speak English.
–Rockefeller Center
Fat woman #1: Why do people keep asking me [about the long line]? Do I have one of those approachable faces?
Fat woman #1: The guy thing is, she has no problem attracting. And anyone willing to put out will never get love. Doesn’t matter if you’re a size 2 or a size 20.
Fat woman #1: I am a soup lover!
Fat woman #1: Look at the makeup on this lady with the green hat coming up! She takes the crosstown bus sometimes. Spectacular. Spectacular. Can you imagine if Joe saw that? He’d come over and ask her out.
Fat woman #2: That’s everyday?
Fat woman #1: That’s not special, not Halloween. I love it when she wears her army fatigues. She wears the jacket, the pants…
Fat woman #2: What are you in the mood for? Something chicken noodley or something exotic?
Fat woman #1: I might get two!
Fat woman #1: So Yen Ling. I asked her, “What do you want to be called? Yen or Yen Ling?” She says, “Yen Ling”, I say, “Fine.” So I’m going around introducing her and she’s saying “Yen”, “Yen”, “Yen.” It’s just like, if you want to be called Yen Ling, why are you saying “Yen”?
Fat woman #2: What’s her last name?
Fat woman #1: Yu.
Fat woman #2: Yu?
Fat woman #1: It’s one of those.
Fat woman #2: Sounds like a comedy routine. “Who?” “Yu!”
Fat woman #1: “Who, you?”
Note: The Nazi was sold out of crab bisque, and all of the meaty soups except for mulligatawny.
–42nd & 5th
Suit: Can you move a little?
Teen girl: I can’t. My hair’s stuck in the door.
Suit: Oh. That’s a good reason. Okay.
–L train
A black HS girl pushes her way past a white yuppie to get off the train.
Yuppie: Whoa, slow down, Boniva!
Girl: Shut the fuck up, Opie!
–L train
Girl: Oh hey, that’s my high school mascot!
Guy: What, a black woman?
–8th & Broadway
Black guy: Man, nigga, you’re really dirty. I mean, you’re a slob, nigga. You’re…you’re a fucking Mexican.
–Union Square
AMNew York Guy: Free Spanish newspaper! Assimilation doesn’t mean you have to give up your heritage!
–Park Slope
Drunk Asian girl: We should totally go salsa dancing.
Drunk white girl: Yeah, that would be so fun.
Drunk Asian girl: We’d be the only white people there, though.
–J train
Overheard by: Jim VB
NYU girl: So do they like hate everyone?
NYU boy: No, not everyone; just white people.
–Union Square
Asian suit: They were talking about how these 7th grade girls were trading blowjobs for pot.
White suit: When I was in 7th grade, I didn’t even know what pot was, or what blowjobs were. I was too busy playing video games and watching Star Wars.
Asian suit: I was in SAT prep class.
–51st & Lexington
Fratboy #1: Oh God, did you see that? That little Asian boy just fell down and skinned his Chi-knee.
Fratboy #2: Think he was running from Godzilla?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Matt Murdock
