Foreplay Don’ts

Girl: You want a lap dance?
Guy: Huh? Sure, where?
Girl: How about your place?…I’ll give you one for two hundred bucks.
Guy: What? Are you crazy?
Girl: Okay, 50. I’m really a nice girl…I’m just having a hard time paying my bills.
Guy: No, thanks!
Girl: Okay…What would you want for 50 bucks?
Guy: Can I fuck you in the ass?
Girl: What? You’re sick.
Guy: Go home, get some sleep…and go look for a job in the morning.

–Cassidy’s Ale House, Flushing

Overheard by: Stephan

Hobo: You should put your legs together.
Girl: What did you say to me?
Hobo: Close your legs.
Girl: I’m a big girl, they’re as closed as they’re gonna get. It’s called “fat”.
Hobo: I guess you want to air out.
Girl: I guess you want a whiff.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Djuna

Drunk fratboy: Damn, you got a sexy walk, girl!…Hey, can I buy you a drink?
Girl: No, thanks anyway.
Drunk fratboy: OK…so, uh…how about I just fuck you in the ass, then?

–Washington Square Park

Posted on April 5, 2025
Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Diet/Weight, Drunks, Etiquette, Frat Boys, Hobos, Money & Class, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Strangers, Washington Square Park

It’s THE TRUTH

Tourist fratboy #1: It said “Free Stress Test.”
Tourist fratboy #2: What’s Dianetics, anyway?

–Times Square

Overheard by: KN

Posted on December 26, 2024
Frat Boys, Questions, Religion, Times Square, Tourists, Words

Which We'd Said Many Times Before, in a Slightly Different Context…

Middle-aged frat boy #1: So one night, we decided to sleep at Arby's.
Middle-aged frat boy #2: So how did that work out for you?
Middle-aged frat boy #1: Not well. We had to leave. Bob could have blown like a .4, and he was the most sober of us. So he drove to this hotel, and we didn't notice until the next day that it was Punxsutawney where the groundhog is! We woke up and were like, “why are there all these beavers?”

–7 Train

Overheard by: D-Law

Posted on July 21, 2023
Animals & Nature, Cars and Driving, Drinking & Drunk People, Frat Boys, On the Subway, Questions

Only in New York, Bridge & Tunnel Edition

Fratboy: We went to that bar once cause I heard there were lots of skanks in there. But there were no skanks! It sucked.

–outside Blue & Gold, East Village

Posted on March 17, 2023
Clubs, Frat Boys, Promiscuity, Union Square and East Village

Their Rumbles with the ‘Down and to the Left’ Group Are Legendary

Frat boy #1: I see you wear your hat slightly up and to the right.
Frat boy #2: Yep.
Frat boy #1: But are you in the Facebook group "I Wear My Hat Slightly Up and to the Right"?
Frat boy #2: Yep.

–Silver Center, NYU

Overheard by: tj

Posted on March 4, 2023
Facebook, Fashion, Frat Boys, NYU, Stupidity

…But Then We'd Be Late for Our Spa Appointment. Sophie's Choice!

Creepy dude, walking up to two college kids: Hey, you guys look pretty smart, can I ask you a question?
College guy: Uh, we can't um… help you.
Creepy dude: I'm not asking for money, I just have a question. So if someone like, is an accomplice in a kidnapping, are they just as liable as the person who did the actual kidnapping?
College guy: I think it depends.
Creepy dude: Great! Thanks. (creepy dude walks away)
College chick: Is this one of those, “if you see something, say something” moments? Maybe we should call a popo.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on December 2, 2022
Cops, Creepsters, Crime and Punishment, Frat Boys, Port Authority, Questions, Violence

When I Finally Have Sex, I’d Like It to Be with a Woman Who’s All Three

Chick: So, explain the difference to me.
Guy: ‘Cute’ is, like, the girl next door, ‘hot’ is, like, ‘I want to take her home right now!’ and ‘beautiful’ is, like, classic.
Chick: So, can a woman be all three?
Guy: In very rare situations…

–7th St, between 1st & 2nd Ave