Frat Boys

Girl: You want a lap dance?
Guy: Huh? Sure, where?
Girl: How about your place?…I’ll give you one for two hundred bucks.
Guy: What? Are you crazy?
Girl: Okay, 50. I’m really a nice girl…I’m just having a hard time paying my bills.
Guy: No, thanks!
Girl: Okay…What would you want for 50 bucks?
Guy: Can I fuck you in the ass?
Girl: What? You’re sick.
Guy: Go home, get some sleep…and go look for a job in the morning.

–Cassidy’s Ale House, Flushing

Overheard by: Stephan

Hobo: You should put your legs together.
Girl: What did you say to me?
Hobo: Close your legs.
Girl: I’m a big girl, they’re as closed as they’re gonna get. It’s called “fat”.
Hobo: I guess you want to air out.
Girl: I guess you want a whiff.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Djuna

Drunk fratboy: Damn, you got a sexy walk, girl!…Hey, can I buy you a drink?
Girl: No, thanks anyway.
Drunk fratboy: OK…so, uh…how about I just fuck you in the ass, then?

–Washington Square Park

Tourist fratboy #1: It said “Free Stress Test.”
Tourist fratboy #2: What’s Dianetics, anyway?

–Times Square

Overheard by: KN

Middle-aged frat boy #1: So one night, we decided to sleep at Arby's.
Middle-aged frat boy #2: So how did that work out for you?
Middle-aged frat boy #1: Not well. We had to leave. Bob could have blown like a .4, and he was the most sober of us. So he drove to this hotel, and we didn't notice until the next day that it was Punxsutawney where the groundhog is! We woke up and were like, “why are there all these beavers?”

–7 Train

Overheard by: D-Law

Fratboy: We went to that bar once cause I heard there were lots of skanks in there. But there were no skanks! It sucked.

–outside Blue & Gold, East Village

Frat boy #1: I see you wear your hat slightly up and to the right.
Frat boy #2: Yep.
Frat boy #1: But are you in the Facebook group "I Wear My Hat Slightly Up and to the Right"?
Frat boy #2: Yep.

–Silver Center, NYU

Overheard by: tj

Creepy dude, walking up to two college kids: Hey, you guys look pretty smart, can I ask you a question?
College guy: Uh, we can't um… help you.
Creepy dude: I'm not asking for money, I just have a question. So if someone like, is an accomplice in a kidnapping, are they just as liable as the person who did the actual kidnapping?
College guy: I think it depends.
Creepy dude: Great! Thanks. (creepy dude walks away)
College chick: Is this one of those, “if you see something, say something” moments? Maybe we should call a popo.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Chick: So, explain the difference to me.
Guy: ‘Cute’ is, like, the girl next door, ‘hot’ is, like, ‘I want to take her home right now!’ and ‘beautiful’ is, like, classic.
Chick: So, can a woman be all three?
Guy: In very rare situations…

–7th St, between 1st & 2nd Ave

Frat tourist guy: Hey! I just hailed a New York City cab!
New Yorker, jumping into cab: I just stole your cab!

–Bleecker & Hudson

Overheard by: sean

Frat boy #1: If he kills me, I will kill him!
Frat boy #2: Oh, that makes a lot of sense.

–NYU Bus

Overheard by: ihatevegs

Frat boy #1: Dude, I grabbed six asses last night, but three of them caught me.
Frat boy #2: I only grabbed three asses, but one of them was hot!

–R train

Overheard by: not impressed