Paris Hilton: “That’s Wednesday One‐Liner.”

Hipster waitress to another: Camel toe is like, really hot, but also really uncomfortable.

–Williamsburg

College guy to friend: Dude, I’d definitely date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It’s not gay.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Stephen

Professor: Welcome to CUNY, it’s like menopause. It’s either too hot or too cold.

–City University of New York

Latino girl on cell: Bitch, please. I’m gonna look mad hot tonight. I’ma comb my hair!

–American Apparel

Male professor: I don’t care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, nothing’s going to happen!

–New York Institute of Technology

Overheard by: Not Brad Pitt

Posted on April 9, 2018
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Beauty, Body Parts, City College, College, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Hunter, Latinos, Movies, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Store, Teachers/Professors, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg

There’s Nothing Like the Sizzle of a Veggie Shizzle

Frat guy #1 (looking at produce at a Bodega): Dude, that’s what I’m talking about, cooking some veggies.
Frat guy #2: Dude, veggies are the shit!

–22^nd & 1^st

Overheard by: Jessica

Posted on March 19, 2018
Compliments, Default, Frat Boys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wishes & desires

“Supposed to”?

Fratboy: She was supposed to make out with me, but I didn’t want to make out with her.

–Ave. A

Posted on November 28, 2017
Frat Boys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, One-liners, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday Really Pumps Out the One‐Liners

Guy to female friend: There’s a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet.

–E 3^rd St & 1^st Ave

Guy: The world is my cumrag!

–4^th St & 6^th Ave

Overheard by: Jordan Bruce

Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids.

–32^nd & 5^th Ave

Overheard by: Matt

Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don’t want to jism on a girl’s back…yet.

–Times Square

Overheard by: watching her back

Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye)

–1 Train

Overheard by: hsw

Posted on October 15, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cum, Frat Boys, Friends, Guys, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Shopping, Street, Suits, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

So You Think About Dick and You Get Hard? Heh.

College bro: No, you don’t understand. Thinking about the processes of government turns me on.
College chick: Really?
College bro: For serious. I think about dick Cheney and I get hard. I would vote for him and give up my right to vote if he could be supreme dictator.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: theclanmacgregor

Posted on September 14, 2017
Erections, Frat Boys, Hunter, Politics, Sorority Girls, Weirdness

Who Says College Doesn’t Prepare You for the Real World?

Frat boy: If you press your thumb hard in the middle of your forehead it stops your gag reflex for a minute.
Girl: Uhhh how do you know that?
Frat boy: I learned it at my frat, you can swallow a whole banana!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: JC

Posted on September 4, 2017
Advice, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Default, Education, Food, Frat Boys, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Weirdness

What’s Eating Wednesday One‐Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I’ll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Julium

Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it’s flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color.

–Paradise Cafe, 8^th & 17^th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!

–Union Square

Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll have a thing for you.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: molly

Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I’m 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue.

–Hill Country BBQ

Overheard by: I’m just here for the ribs.

Posted on June 5, 2017
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coffee, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Ethnic Food, Food, Frat Boys, Girls, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Granted, Sometimes It’s Like Drinking from the Fire Hose

NYU guy #1: You know it’s impossible to swallow a whole teaspoon of cinnamon?
NYU guy #2: Wait, why not?
NYU guy #1: Because it accumulates into clumps and dries up your mouth.
NYU guy #2: Oh, cinnamon! I thought you said “semen.” I was going to be like “Yes you can!”

–3^rd Ave & 11^th St

Posted on March 8, 2016
BJs, Body Parts, Cum, Food, Frat Boys, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Wednesday’s Gonna Have a Little One‐Liner

Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!

–Grand Central

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant!

–TGI Fridays

Overheard by: Sara

Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts!

–8^th & Broadway

Overheard by: Hannah

Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex.

–Duane Reade, 23^rd & 6^th

Overheard by: jmike

Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time!

–96^th St station

Overheard by: Kind of Confused

20‐something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Posted on February 25, 2016
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Columbia (& Barnard), Crime and Punishment, Duane Reade, Frat Boys, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Grand Central, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, Security Guards, Sex, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Tweens, Weirdness, Women

I Got Their Phone Numbers, Though

College boy #1: So, I went to this comedy club last night to see some friend’s routine..
College boy #2: Yeah?
College boy #1: Yeah. They were pretty good, but these girls also did a routine, and girls are never funny. And these girls were fat, too, so there was just really no upside to it.
College boy #2: Right.

–Dodge Fitness Center, Columbia University

Posted on January 6, 2016
Frat Boys, Gripes, Gyms

Frat Boys