I Didn't Know I Was Wednesday One-Linered

Smoking man to another: I've heard being pregnant is really bad for your health.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: CS

Large black woman: An' I been tellin' him I got all these ideas for t-shirts… Like one for a pregnant lady that says "Congratulations, you're not the daddy!"

–BX12 Bus

Overheard by: shayshay

NYU boy on cell: Wait, you're pregnant? You're pregnant!? I thought you were just fat. (pause) But he said he didn't come in you, just on your face.

–Union Square

Woman to date: Let's go get pregnant!

–Santos Party House, Lafayette St

Overheard by: alisa

Posted on June 8, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Bus, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cum, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Frat Boys, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Smokers & Smoking, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Got Any Sack-Hygiene Tips?

Frat boy #1: So, this chick loves to suck my balls.
Frat boy #2: Dude, you told us that, like, seven times.
Frat boy #3: Yeah, I’m beginning to think you’re lying.
Frat boy #1: But now I gotta really lather up down there.

–Pool bar

Overheard by: Scotched

Posted on June 5, 2019
Balls, Bars & Clubs, Central Park, Frat Boys

The Global Pussy System Stands Ready to Fulfill Our Most Deviant Desires

Frat boy #1: Dude, let's get some pussy!
Frat boy #2: Where?
Frat boy #1: Use your GPS!

–4th St & MacDougal St

Posted on March 5, 2019
Frat Boys, Gadgets, Questions, Stupidity, The Village, Vagina

If Only We Could Figure Out How to Smoke It

Frat boy #1: I’m so glad we have this place!
Frat boy #2: I love cheese!

–Department of Cheese, Westside Market, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: D-Law

Posted on October 31, 2018
Comebacks, Default, Food, Frat Boys, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesdays Don’t Kill People; One-Liners Kill People

Large black man on cell phone: They did the deal with the diamonds, then the other guy got greedy and shot up the place.

–Union Ave

Overheard by: Seth Callaway

Teen, looking around: Where are we? Are we purchasing illegal arms?

–Turkish Restaurant, Montague St.

Overheard by: Mike N

Blonde chick in pink coat, perkily: … There was no exit wound, and no bullet.

–L train

Overheard by: Ladle

Girl talking to co-worker: I live near Wall Street and there are like army men down there with machine guns and it’s scary! How do I know they don’t have Tourette’s and won’t just start shooting their guns all over the place?!

–41st & 3rd

Older suit, calmly, to his two female coworkers: I’d like to put a gun to his head and say "Nickie do the right thing or I will blow your fucking head off."
[His companions nod in understanding.]

–Starbucks

Calm Jewish fraternity guy on cell: So, I’m being deported and drafted into the Israeli army… It’s okay, I’ll name my gun after you!

–NYU Waverly Building

Posted on September 2, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Default, Frat Boys, Girls, Global Geography, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Names, Offers and requests, Office politics, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Starbucks, Stupidity, Suits, Thanks, Long Island! (Male JAPs), Thievery, Threats, War, Weapons, Weirdness, Williamsburg

On the Ass, Huh? How’d That Happen?

Guy: Look at these new trousers I bought.
Frat guy: Dude!
Guy: You really like them?
Frat guy: Dude!
Guy: You can buy them too if you want. I won’t be pissed.
Frat guy: Oh my God, those are the pants I returned ’cause I got a stain on the ass.
Guy: Oh, that’s what that was.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Delilah

Posted on June 13, 2018
Cleanliness, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Frat Boys, Poop, Students

Paris Hilton: “That's Wednesday One-Liner.”

Hipster waitress to another: Camel toe is like, really hot, but also really uncomfortable.

–Williamsburg

College guy to friend: Dude, I'd definitely date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It's not gay.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Stephen

Professor: Welcome to CUNY, it's like menopause. It's either too hot or too cold.

–City University of New York

Latino girl on cell: Bitch, please. I'm gonna look mad hot tonight. I'ma comb my hair!

–American Apparel

Male professor: I don't care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, nothing's going to happen!

–New York Institute of Technology

Overheard by: Not Brad Pitt

Posted on April 9, 2018
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Beauty, Body Parts, City College, College, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Hunter, Latinos, Movies, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Store, Teachers/Professors, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg

There's Nothing Like the Sizzle of a Veggie Shizzle

Frat guy #1 (looking at produce at a Bodega): Dude, that's what I'm talking about, cooking some veggies.
Frat guy #2: Dude, veggies are the shit!

–22nd & 1st

Overheard by: Jessica

Posted on March 19, 2018
Compliments, Default, Frat Boys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wishes & desires

“Supposed to”?

Fratboy: She was supposed to make out with me, but I didn’t want to make out with her.

–Ave. A

Posted on November 28, 2017
Frat Boys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, One-liners, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday Really Pumps Out the One-Liners

Guy to female friend: There's a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet.

–E 3rd St & 1st Ave

Guy: The world is my cumrag!

–4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jordan Bruce

Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids.

–32nd & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Matt

Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don't want to jism on a girl's back…yet.

–Times Square

Overheard by: watching her back

Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye)

–1 Train

Overheard by: hsw

Posted on October 15, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cum, Frat Boys, Friends, Guys, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Shopping, Street, Suits, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Frat Boys