Southern woman: Excuse me, sir? We aren’t from around here but could you tell me where Times Square is?
NY Man: Yeah, it’s a bit uptown from here, you’re lookin’ for 125th street. It’ll say Harlem but don’t let it throw you off.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Carl Krickmire
Tourist guy: Excuse me, where is the subway?
NY guy: Sorry, I don’t speak English.
–Rockefeller Center
Girl: Oh my god, you skullfucked a snowman? That definitely was porn!
Guy: It wasn’t porn, it was art. I was covered in blue glitter.
Girl: Sweetie, that just makes it gay porn.
–Times Square
Flyers guy: Here ladies–free comedy show.
Tourist girl: No, thanks.
Flyers guy: Come on. It’s free.
Tourist girl: Yeah, but, we don’t like humor.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ashley Gordon
Guy on cell: When you get here I will make you breakfast sausage. And I am not talking euphemistically.
–63rd & 1st
Overheard by: Alison Foster
Woman: Nigga, where you goin’?
Boy: Mom, action figures!
Woman: Nigga, the action figures is right here!
–Toys R’ Us, Times Square
Comedy Pamphlet man: Do you guys want to get drunk and laugh your asses off?
Guy: Sorry, we’re under 21.
Comedy Pamphlet man: How about some soda and a giggle?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Cody Wymore
Southern woman: Why George, I’m just so proud of yew; I thought yew’d be grossed out by the Blue Man Group.
–Marriott Marquis, Times Square
Overheard by: Beantown Interloper
Chick: You know, I don’t believe Victorians shat.
Dude: Neither did they.
Chick: There is no way on Earth that what just came up from my system came up through theirs.
Dude: Surely not with that whole empire they were building.
–Pax Wholesome Foods, Times Square
Guy #1: I don’t think people get my humor. I don’t think they get the dry thing, but it’s also very toilet.
Guy #2: Okay, so basically, you have dry toilet humor.
Guy #1: Yes, there’s no water in that toilet.
Guy #2: So it’s more like a trough.
–BondSt, Bond Street
Girl: I need like an extra stomach outside my body that I can just dump out when it gets full so I don’t actually absorb all the calories.
Guy: They have that, honey. It’s called “bulimia”.
Girl: …Oh, like you haven’t considered it!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Rachel
