Queer guys

Gay man in hipster glasses, sticking ass out: Papi! It hurts! Open it up and see what’s wrong!
Blonde white girl, whining: But what does that meeeeeeannnnn?

–Bleecker & Perry

Deaf Malay guy: My friends and I are thinking of making a movie called ‘Hitler is Right.‘
Deaf gay guy: What was he right about?
Deaf Malay guy: About the Jews. If he had finished what he started, there would be no more Jews and the world would be better.
Deaf gay guy: And we wouldn’t exist either.
Deaf Malay guy: Why not?
Deaf gay guy: Because he also killed non‐Aryans, homos, and deaf people.
Deaf Malay guy: Really?
Deaf gay guy: Yes.
Deaf Malay guy: Oh. Well, I still think Hitler was right.

–Starbucks, Times Square 

Bus driver, to guy entering bus: Sorry, ladies only.

–45th & 5th

Overheard by: Jobee

Tranny: Girl, you gotta keep that penis.

–Midtown

Chick on cell: I like the idea of having a penis.

–Harlem

Overheard by: hott bi luvr

Woman: Unless they’re gay, in which case you should just pretend I said men instead of girls. But it’s all still true.

–47th & 8th

Man on cell: Everyone is asking me if I’m a lesbian this week. What is that about?

–Christopher & Bedford

Overheard by: staso 

Woman to co‐worker: So he has all girls as daughters.

–225 Broadway, 4th floor

Overheard by: Jennifer 

Queer: God, I either need to fuck a boy or a trannie tonight!

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: liza 

Queer #1: Oh, jeez, I hooked up with that guy. Don’t look.
Queer #2: Who, the guy who just walked on? Call him over. What’s his name?
Queer #1: What am I, psychic?

–N train, Ditmars Blvd

Overheard by: ant

Guy: If Hitler were still alive and he were gay you would have thought he’d decorated that apartment. It was a soulless aesthetic abomination.

–Madison between 60th & 61st

Overheard by: daisy anna freund

Queer #1: She’s kinda bummed…Her parents split; her dad’s marrying another man.
Queer #2: Luckily, that’s not atypical. 

–Elevator, 14th Street & 8th Avenue

Queer #1: I’ve been feeling so gross lately. I wonder if it’s because I’ve been having so much ass sex.
Queer #2: Gross like a whore?
Queer #1: No. Like, every time you shit your poop gets rubbed into your ass wounds. Maybe it’s making me sick…What? It’s like rubbing your papercuts in Bombay sewer water.

–Boysroom, Avenue A

Overheard by: zac

Queer: I don’t care about my boyfriend like I care about you. I am buying you these things because I love you.

His phone rings. 

Queer: Hello?…Aw, I love you, too. 

He hangs up.

Queer: That was him.

–Barney’s, Madison Avenue

Straight guy: Uhm dude, I don’t think he’s gay.
Queer guy: So what? His fly was open.

–Central Park

Queer to hipster chick: Honey, you’re not a hipster! … I’m sorry I said that.

–New School University

Overheard by: smoon

Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could help me out. If you could give me just one penny, I’d really appreciate it. [Yuppie woman hands him a quarter.] I asked for one penny. You gave me 24 cents too much [hands the quarter back and walks away].

–Brooklyn‐bound F train

Conservatively‐dressed lady: I’m so sorry! My birth canal was showing!

–Atlantic Ave & Clinton St

Overheard by: amalthya & schizo

Dude on cell: I didn’t know you wanted to become priest… What?! You have to go through all that shit just to be a deacon?! My god! … Sorry man, I didn’t mean it like that…

–Union Square

Man on cell: I’m sorry, but I’m in New Jersey right now… When? Okay, Monday night… Of course I’ll be there, you have my word.

–M14 bus, Ave A

Lady suit: Now I am totally sorry I stalked you — it was so not worth the effort.

−−47−50 Rockefeller Center train station

Overheard by: SandmanEsq

Girl: You left me for two hours!
Hot gay guy: You left me for one hour!
Girl: I had an errand to run! You did not!
Hot gay guy: My organism is an errand!
Girl: Do normal people do this? When I’m bored, I read or do something constructive.
Hot gay guy: When I’m bored, I have an orgasm.

–9th & Ave C

Girl: We can’t become gay just to fit in at this school!

–NYU

Passer‐by: I pay $40k a year for school, and that makes me better than you.

–NYU, Tisch

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

NYU girl at party: My parents are actually really into civil liberties.

–NYU Dorm

NYU chick to friend: I love coke! (passing white lady gives her a strange look) I meant the drink, not the drug, lady! Jeez, I’m a minority student at fucking NYU! You think I can afford a coke habit??

–8th & University

Overheard by: Melissa Perez

Gay NYU student, rolling around on the ground in student lounge: I am obsessed with the ground. I mean, who’s going to judge me? There’s like six million Asians here and none of them are gay.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Mother, pushing crying two‐year‐old in stroller: They’re never going to accept you here if you keep screaming!

–NYU Admissions

Overheard by: Sam