Man: You know what I love? Farting in supermarkets.
–Broadway & 87th
Overheard by: alice townes
Woman on cell: Went to the club last night, goin’ to the club tonight, tomorrow sit on my ass: D-V-D!
–Eldridge & Stanton
Queer on cell: I mean, he left bruises and scratches all over my ass! I could barely sit down on the subway this morning! I’m telling you, if something happens to me today, the ER people are gonna think I’ve been beaten.
–23rd St between 6th and 7th
Queer #1: So is your physical therapist cute?
Queer #2: “Cute” as in “do I want to do him cute”? Yeah.
Queer #1: Well, that can be a great incentive to do well.
–NYSC locker room, 16th & 8th
Younger queer: Man, I never noticed how big Liza’s eyes were before.
Older queer: That’s so she can see the little pills better.
–Splash, 17th Street
Overheard by: Eric Muscatell
Homo thug #1: Why you guys keep saying “cuss”? Isn’t it “swear”?
Homo thug #2: Cuss and swear are the same thing.
Homo thug #1: …nooooooo, really?
–Biscuit, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Mr. Tips
Queer #1: I think after a year torture is really a “lifestyle”.
Queer #2: Yeah, right.
–Houston & Sullivan
Overheard by: Scottie
Woman: Every time I date Greek men I get fat…Every single time!
–South Cove, Battery Park City
Guy on cell: I know man, sometimes I wish you were her husband instead of me.
–Starbucks, Union Square West
Overheard by: alison
Chick on cell: …so I said, “Stop calling me. It was a one night stand.”
–F train
Black queer: So who is this guy, anyway? Has anybody even met this guy you say you’re dating? Or is he like that “Bob” guy you put in your car so you can drive in the H.O.V. lane?
–Times Square
Guy: She has…two one-eyed cats. She’s never getting engaged.
–Madison Square Park
Queer #1: Honey, my vagina is itchy.
Queer #2: So scratch it.
–16th & 8th
Overheard by: Winnie
Queer: So how was your date?
Hispanic chick: Oh, it was nice, he was nice and sweet, and a real gentleman, you know, he would hold open doors, make sure to walk between me and the street, you know, really nice.
Queer: Oh, you know what that totally screams?
Hispanic chick: What?
Queer: That totally screams: I want to get into your vagina right now!
–6 train
Overheard by: Luke Reynolds
Queer: Excuse me, but what is the owner’s name again?
Host: I am the owner.
Queer: Really?
Host: Yeah, there are five of us.
Queer: Damn. Well, which one did I fuck?
–THAT Bar, Smith Street
Girl: Hey, are you gay?
Guy: Er, yeah I am. How’d you know?
Girl: Score! My gaydar is never wrong! Ever since I came out of the closet it’s just always on!
–B49 bus
Overheard by: Arthur B
