Office girl: So if you’re Bonnie, then who’s your Clyde?
Boss guy: I’m so not the femme.
Office girl: Totally.
Boss guy: I need a guy a little more faggy than me but not like, say, Tom Cruisey or Richard Simmonsy.
Office girl: Wait, who’s more faggy than Richard Simmons?
–Office, West 52nd Street
Overheard by: GeeGoo
Girl: Oh my god, you skullfucked a snowman? That definitely was porn!
Guy: It wasn’t porn, it was art. I was covered in blue glitter.
Girl: Sweetie, that just makes it gay porn.
–Times Square
Queer #1: I can’t believe he wouldn’t go out with me.
Queer #2: Well, he didn’t think you could play the bongos. And he was right.
Queer #1: I know, but it’s not like I can’t learn.
Queer #2: Oh God, you’re giving me a boner.
–Greenwich & West 12th
Girl: We should totally start pretending to go out and make out in public, and then everyone will be like, “But I thought Mark was gay?”. And they’ll all be so confused.
Mark: Okay, I’m down, but you’re gonna have to get me like 6 shots of Jagermeister before we start.
Girl: Why do you need to be drunk? I’m pretty!
–116th Street 1 station
Queer #1: He told me he had an 8 inch penis.
Queer #2: Oh really?
Queer #1: It was only 8 inches if he put it in twice.
–L train
Overheard by: Marcus and Nate
Fratboy #1: How are the pledges this year?
Fratboy #2: Oh man, we got two gay pledges, and they are so in love with each other.
–7 train
Overheard by: Brian
Queer #1: I like being a corporate lawyer. Being “The Man” is awesome.
Queer #2: Because you’re not “the man” in the bedroom.
–Therapy, W. 52nd Street
Chick: He was not really completely gay.
Guy: What was he, then?
Chick: He was more just completely fabulous.
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: jennifer
Girl: I’m pathetic enough but not fabulous enough to be a fag hag.
–The Ansonia, 73rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Betty Noir
Girl #1: You shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself. We are single and fabulous, explanation point.
Girl #2: …Don’t you mean “exclamation point”?
–Garden Cafe, Inwood
Guy #1: …I walked in and the warehouse was just full of tiny little boots.
Guy #2: That sounds fabulous.
–Central Park
Guy #1: So we’re entering the West Village.
Guy #2: Oh yeah?
Guy #1: Yeah…it’s sort of…the gay part of town.
Guy #2: Yeah? So…is there, like…a gay bar in the area we could go to?
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: kjd
Queer: Do you know why else I want to move to London? Camdentown. There are lots of punks.
Chick: But wouldn’t there also be a lot of white supremacists?
Queer: I could do white supremacists.
Chick: But aren’t they also homophobic?
Queer: No, just repressed.
–Law office, 50th & 8th
