Wednesday One‐Liners Ride a Vespa

Hipster on cell: I’m not even buying anything. I’m just here to be seen.

–Trader Joe’s

Hipster boy: I loves me some master race!

–Lobby, the Met

Overheard by: Shayna

Tipsy hipster girl: Wine is so, like, the blood of the gods!

–W 4^th & Christopher St

Hipster guy: I think the most truly good person who’s ever been on this earth was Gandhi. Or maybe Martin Luther King, Junior… But he was black.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ghandi was Indian..

Drunk chick: What kind of hipsters are you that you won’t fuck a girl just because she wants to wear a Sailor Moon costume?

–St. Mark’s Pl

Posted on April 22, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hipsters, History & Geography, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Museums, On Cell, People, Places, Politics, Race, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shopping, The Met, The Village, Times Square, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues

Apple’s Next Anti‐PC Marketing Campaign Takes Shape

Office thug #1: Yo, Windows is, like, mad‐retarded!
Office thug #2: Say what?
Office thug #1: I said Windows is bullshit, man.
Office thug #2: Man, I been telling you that shit for years. My G5 is way better than whatever computer you got.
Office thug #1: Nigga, my laptop has AIDS!

–52^nd St & Madison

Posted on January 5, 2023
AIDS, Computer, Gadgets, Health and Hygiene, Laptop, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, People, Places, Thugs, Topics, Venues

But Do They Message You the Morning After?

Engineer #1: I would poke her, man. I would poke the life out of her.
Engineer #2: I have poked her. I have poked the life out of her.
Girl, walking by: Look, you two need to get laid. Facebook means nothing to us girls; we get a billion pokes a day.

–Brooklyn Polytechnic Institute

Posted on September 23, 2022
Brooklyn, College, Girls, Innuendo, Internet, People, Places, Pop Culture, School, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Students, Topics, Venues

My New Wife, Wednesday One‐liners

Guy: Man, you think Lee Harvey Oswald had good aim? You should meet my wife.

–B train

Overheard by: Jess Issacharoff

Woman: Her bridal shower was her sweet sixteen.

–F train

Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got married? But honey, you’re gay!

–63^rd & 3^rd

Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e‑mail I got? This guy I met on‐line, on Nerve – we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e‑mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my husband.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e‑mail me, e‑mail your husband who’s been cheating on you for two fucking years.”

–33^rd & Park

Teen girl: Yeah, he’s really lonely since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lotion.

–Park Slope

Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?

–55^th & Madison

Overheard by: Matt

Man on cell: I ain’t trying to see you nothin’. I want to marry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T‑R‐U‐F‑F. The Truth!

–Atlantic Avenue gas station

Overheard by: Megan

Gate agent: You need to listen to me. Don’t listen to your wife. Your wife doesn’t work here.

–Newark airport

Overheard by: jk

Posted on August 20, 2022
Age/Aging, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, At the Airport, Brooklyn, Dating, Death, Gays and Lesbians, Infidelity, Internet, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Marriage, Masturbation, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shoot, Venues, Violence, Women

They Walked–A Lot

Chick: I can never understand how Native Americans stayed in such great shape, and still smoked as much as they did.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: m‑co

Posted on June 7, 2022
College, Drugs, Fitness, Fordham, Health and Hygiene, Native Americans, People, Places, School, Smokers & Smoking, Topics, Venues

Does FHM Give You Hep‑A, Too?

Maxim staff #1: Yeah, we’re going to make you walk around in a plastic bubble or something.
Maxim staff #2: …NO, that is not THE RIGHT KIND of herpes!
Maxim staff #3: Is there a RIGHT kind of herpes?

–Midtown elevator

Posted on March 31, 2022
Elevators, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Places, STDs, Topics, Venues

Readers: Answer this Big Question

Guy on cell: What, you thought they were going to let fat people into the club?

–N train

Posted on September 24, 2021
Bars & Clubs, Fat People, Guys, On Cell, On the Subway, People, Places, Venues

You Would Not Have Wanted to Be Awake For What We Did to You

Girl #1: What’s up?
Girl #2: Still recovering from last night.
Girl #1: It wasn’t that bad.
Girl #2: What? I passed out and woke up naked in the club.
Girl #1: See, I told you.

–Internet cafe, 63^rd Drive, Queens

Overheard by: Interested Listener

Posted on August 6, 2021
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Nudity, People, Places, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Topics, Venues

The Need for Anti‐Meme Drugs Becomes Ever More Pressing

Ghetto girl: Man, I can’t believe he did this! I mean, we was in this relationship for like two weeks, and now he be tryin’ to dump me! He was all, “Yeah, we’re over.” I was like, “What you talkin’ about?” Then he was all, “I’m taking you off my Top 8.“
Passerby: He took you off his Top 8? Oh, hell, no.

–Baryshnikov Arts Center

Overheard by: random dancer

Posted on February 25, 2021
Breaking Up, Ghetto Chicks, Venues

Venues