Wednesday One‐Liners for Vanessa Hudgens

Girl on phone: Well then, riddle me this, smart guy: why’d I wake up naked?

–Smith & Sackett, Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Swimfan

Girl: Oh my god! I can’t wait to see them naked!

–Elevator, Times Square Arts Center

Overheard by: Natalie

Museum worker: And then I woke up buck naked in a hotel, and there were pictures of me all over the room.

–Museum of Art and Design

Guy: No, I will not do it in here again. Just because I’m wearing nothing under my jacket, doesn’t mean I’m going to flash a crowd of people in every store we enter. I’ve done it three times already. Get your rocks off some other way.

–Columbus Circle Mall Escalator

Overheard by: Martin

Drunk girl at NYU protest: I don’t even know why I’m here, I just want to take off my clothes!

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: Lilo

Girl on train: Oh, hi! I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on.

–A Train

Overheard by: Don’t even wanna know

Girl on cell: So I’m gonna be naked, but that’s okay, I’ll be wearing rollerblades.

–N 4^th & Bedford Ave

Posted on March 1, 2023
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drunks, Elevators, Girls, Guys, Malls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Nudity, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pictures, Questions, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One‐Liners Call the Hotline Every Week

Teen girl, despairingly: If they ever find out a way to bring people back to life, I’m going to kill myself!

–14^th St Subway Platform

Overheard by: yoncto

Blonde on cell: Don’t send me stupid things about how you want to stab yourself in the heart. It’s inconsiderate.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Hipster: I’m so stressed out right now; if I was going to NYU, I would’ve jumped out of a building.

–City College

Overheard by: Damn Right!

Guy on cell: You took them with alcohol? [Pause.] Wait, let me get this straight, you took all of them, then you got drunk? Yeah dude, that is just suicide.

–Elevator, Saks Fifth Ave

Old waitress: Were you here the time Jimmy crucified himself?

–Manhattan Restaurant, Greenpoint

Overheard by: chris

Disgruntled Latina to friend: And I told her bitch: “Kill yourself, you don’t even know how to smoke right!”

–4 Train

Posted on January 17, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, City College, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Elevators, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Latinos, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Psychology, Questions, Smoking, Stab, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suicide, Teens, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Waitresses, Weirdness

Smells Like Teen Suicide

Girl: What if I Bobsted?
Guy: I can’t believe you are asking me this.
Girl: Do you think my parents would at least get the 50 thousand back?

–Hayden Hall Residence elevator, Washington Square West

Posted on October 4, 2022
Death, Elevators, Manhattan, Money & Class, The Village, Violence

Mixing Vodka and Lotion

Woman: You have everything?
Man, looking at suitcase and opening box: I think that’s it.
Woman: What’s in this box?
Man: It’s my life. You know: vodka and lotion.
Woman: And toothpaste! Where’d you get that funny toothpaste?

–Elevator, Upper West Side

Overheard by: Along for the ride

Posted on September 7, 2022
Drinking & Drunk People, Elevators, Health and Hygiene, Men, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

I’m Wet and I Feel Guilty About It

Woman #1: It smells like church in here.
Woman #2: It really does!

–Elevator, Varick St

Posted on September 3, 2022
Church, Compare/Contrast, Elevators, Sensory Experiences, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

The Island of Dr. Wednesday One‐Liners

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.

–Elevator, 56^th & 8^th

Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!

–Terminal 5

Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?

–Cafe Esperanto

Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!

–TriBeCa

Overheard by: lalala

Swanky pin‐stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.

–51^st & 3^rd

Overheard by: IG

Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.

–4 Train

Overheard by: BQM lady

Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!

–Astor Place

Posted on July 5, 2022
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Blood & bleeding, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Disney, Drinks, Drunks, Elevators, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, JFK Airport, Jobs & Careers, Men, Movies, Names, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, U.S. Geography, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

Does FHM Give You Hep‑A, Too?

Maxim staff #1: Yeah, we’re going to make you walk around in a plastic bubble or something.
Maxim staff #2: …NO, that is not THE RIGHT KIND of herpes!
Maxim staff #3: Is there a RIGHT kind of herpes?

–Midtown elevator

Posted on March 31, 2022
Elevators, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Places, STDs, Topics, Venues

Just Like Les Mis!

40‐something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Hey! How’s it going?! Where are you from?
40‐something regular guy: Seattle. You?
40‐something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Newport Beach, California! What are you off to do?
40‐something regular guy: Dinner and some drinks with friends. You?
40‐something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Me and a buddy are going to take mushrooms and go see Young Frankenstein for the third time! It’s hilarious when you’re high!

–Elevator, Sheraton Hotel