Jewess: My roommate won’t let me use the oven because it hasn’t been made kosher yet.
Jew: Hey, just tell her we’d all be burned in the same oven. That’ll go over well.
–Flatiron Building office
Jewess: My roommate won’t let me use the oven because it hasn’t been made kosher yet.
Jew: Hey, just tell her we’d all be burned in the same oven. That’ll go over well.
–Flatiron Building office
Old Latina: Nice flowers.
Hispanic guy: Thanks. Unfortunately, they’re for a dead person.
–1 train
Overheard by: Chris McDade
Teen boy: My puppy is probably going to die soon.
Teen girl: Aw, when?
Teen boy: Probably by next September, he’ll be a corpse.
Teen girl: Wait, why?
Teen boy: He has obsessive-compulsive disorder.
–Central Park
Girl: If you were going to die twenty minutes from now, what would
you do?
Guy #1: I’d take you into the back and do you. What about you?
Girl: Yeah, I’d probably have sex with you, too.
Guy #2: I think I’d rape someone.
–Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Chick #1: So, that girl from Japan is paying double rent, right? $1600 on her apartment here, and $1800 on the other apartment where she was living. I asked her how she could afford both places and she told me that her Mom and her sister died in a plane crash.
Chick #2: Holy shit! Which plane crash?
Chick #1: I don’t know, one in Japan.
Chick #2: So she’s rich now, right?
Chick #3: That’s how my friend moved to Miami.
–Williamsburg
A hobo has a cardboard sign that says “Ninjas killed parents, need money for Kugn [sic] Fu lessons.”
A cop comes up, and the hobo says: I don’t know why. I’ve already had five police come by and bother me today.
–14th & 5th
Overheard by: Casey
(cf. This guy.)
Italian guy #1: For some guys, it’s all right.
Italian guy #2: The fucking Israelis started that shit.
Italian guy #1: I don’t see nothing wrong with it, if that’s what you’re into…
Italian guy #2: The day I wear a square-toed shoe, put me in the fucking ground!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: James
Queer #1: We are going to the Kelly Clarkson concert in two weeks, you should come.
Queer #2: I have to go home that weekend. They are having a memorial for my grandpa who died. Maybe I can get out of it.
Queer #1: Seriously. I mean people die all the time, but Kelly Clarkson only comes to New York like twice a year.
–Splash, W. 17th Street
Old man #1: Whatever happened to her?
Old man #2: Oh…her? She died.
Old man #1: She died?
Old man #2: Yeah. She died.
Old man #1: Did you kill her?
–Fort Greene
Girl: Stop flirting with me, my friend just died.
–Central Park SummerStage
