Chick: One time I saw this old guy fall and drop his cane onto the subway tracks, and it was raining, so we tried to talk people into giving him their umbrella, since he couldn’t get the cane–and we were so mad when no one would give us an umbrella, ’cause you can’t just buy a cane at Duane Reade.
–6 train
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
Young thug to ASPCA rep with Pit Bull: Yo, is that a Pit Bull? Can I get her?
ASPCA rep: Yes, she is up for adoption, her name is…
Young thug: Yo, that's cool, cuz I like sell weed and shit, and I need a pit.
ASPCA rep: Uhh… (turns and walks away)
Young thug: I ain't gonna beat her.
–Union Square, ASPCA Day
Overheard by: Somebody should beat him.
(three men hail a taxi and get in)
Girl: Hey, I was over there waiting for a long time. May I have your cab?
Guy #1: Are you serious?
Girl: Yes, I was on the other corner, waiting.
Guy #2 (laughing in her face): Are you fucking serious, lady?
Girl: Buy I was on the other corner waiting for a long time.
Guy #3: Oh, well! You were on the other corner, kiddo. Get more aggressive.
Girl: But guys… I was waiting…
Guy #1 (as taxi leaves): Courtesy, bitch.
–14th & 2nd
Overheard by: Luke
Grad student girl: How did your work go today?
Grad student guy: Pretty good. I took some Adderall. God, it helps–it's like crack.
Grad student girl: Oh my god! Really? I'll suck your dick for a pill.
Grad student guy: Damn straight you will.
–Fish Bar, East Village
Overheard by: John-John
Well-dressed young black guy: Excuse me sir, do you happen to have a cigarette?
Surfer guy: Motherfucker, you’re in New York City. Of course I have a cigarette.
–13th & Broadway
Overheard by: rpk
Gay man in hipster glasses, sticking ass out: Papi! It hurts! Open it up and see what's wrong!
Blonde white girl, whining: But what does that meeeeeeannnnn?
–Bleecker & Perry
Black woman, looking at costumes: For Halloween I'm gonna be a slave.
Black man: For real?
Black woman: Will you be my master?
–3rd Ave & 25th St
Overheard by: Ivonna
Conductor: This is the shuttle to Times Square. This is not an express train. You are on the shuttle to Times Square, not an express train. Again, this is the shuttle to Times Square… Not an express train. Shuttle to Times Square…
Random thug: Shut the fuck up!
Conductor: … Not the express train. And for the lovely person who just told me to shut up, I’m in the car right next to you. Merry Christmas to all.
[Short pause.]Conductor: Except to the kid who told me to shut up.
–Shuttle to Times Square
Overheard by: Suburban Liz
Guy #1: I have a moral dilemma.
Guy #2: Does it involve alcohol?
Guy #1: No.
Guy #2: Does it require alcohol?
–F Train
Overheard by: Sarah
Girl: … And then she put it in front of me, and I was like, ‘Hello! I hate cottage cheese!’
Queer friend: Oh my god. Cottage cheese is albino diarrhea!
–90th & Broadway
