Politics

Where is King Syphilitic Dementia’s “Fireplace”?

Hobo: I am the king, bow down before me…The president of the United States is a retarded fuck. American people don’t care about life. Why fight for America? Fuck sending a bunch of people over there to kill and be killed. It’s ridiculous. Bush thinks it’s okay. He’s the dictator, he’s the bad man. If I ever get my hands on him, I’m gonna torture his ass. I’ll cut his dick off. I’ll take a pipe from the fireplace and stick it up his ass. I’m the king. I’ll always be the king. I say this…Don’t ever believe America. America is godless. The people are full of shit. Anyone who goes to war for America has got to be out their motherfuckin’ mind.

–Central Park

Overheard by: psd

That Poor Tribe Keeps Losing the Challenges

Chick: Wait, Survivor is still on? They gotta be running out of places to do it.
Dude: They should do a Survivor: New Orleans.
Chick: Oh my God, that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.
Dude: Shut up, you know you’d watch it.

–Party, 49th & 10th

Wednesday One-liners Gone Wild

Girl: Shit yo, this campaign is like being skullfucked by a Lego man.

–49th & 7th

Wednesday One-liners: It’s Just a Name

Man: You say Pataki, I say bukkake.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: Derek P

Remember to Not Waste Time Voting Today

Candidate lady: Hi! I’m running for City Council. I like your shirt. What does the C on it stand for?
Preppy girl: It stands for Crunk.

–1st & Houston

Son: What are they handing out?
Mom: They are trying to get people to vote for them.
Son: For Survivor?

–95th & 3rd

The WSJ Has a Compelling Drawing, Too

Newspaper guy: Only in the Post! Pictures of Pataki crying like a pussy!

–34th & 7th

That Makes None of Us

Woman: So, what are you doing this summer?
Girl: I’m interning for Senator Clinton.
Woman: Oh, I just love him!

–Riverdale, The Bronx

Overheard by: Lauren C

Can I Have Your Autograph, Wednesday One-liners?

Old Jewess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writing another diet book. I have a friend who has read all her diet books and every year she gets fatter and fatter.

–Music Box theatre, West 45th Street

Fratboy: She was like an ugly Paris Hilton, but not rich.

–C train

Overheard by: nicolette

Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin.

–68th & Columbus

Overheard by: Andrew Zar

Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tupac was named after a Jewish holiday.

–Red Hook

Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bottle of Scotch that they buy. You know, because their dad was a bootlegger and all.

–52 & Lexington

Arnie Kriss: Friend of the Homed

Arnie Kriss: Vote Arnie Kriss for District Attorney.
Hobo: This man would not buy me a cup of coffee.
Arnie Kriss: Arnie Kriss for DA!
Hobo: This man would not buy a cup of coffee.
Arnie Kriss: Vote Kriss for DA.
Hobo: This man would not buy a cup of coffee.

–Bergen Street station

Hillary Doesn’t Look a Day Over 70

Woman #1: Well, how old is she?
Woman #2: She’s about 77 and almost blind, but she’s still a raging liberal.
Woman #1: Really.
Woman #2: Yeah, she’s not too old to still call George Bush an asshole.

–83rd & Park

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