Philosophy

Where is King Syphilitic Dementia’s “Fireplace”?

Hobo: I am the king, bow down before me…The president of the United States is a retarded fuck. American people don’t care about life. Why fight for America? Fuck sending a bunch of people over there to kill and be killed. It’s ridiculous. Bush thinks it’s okay. He’s the dictator, he’s the bad man. If I ever get my hands on him, I’m gonna torture his ass. I’ll cut his dick off. I’ll take a pipe from the fireplace and stick it up his ass. I’m the king. I’ll always be the king. I say this…Don’t ever believe America. America is godless. The people are full of shit. Anyone who goes to war for America has got to be out their motherfuckin’ mind.

–Central Park

Overheard by: psd

That’s Kind of Implied for Guys

Girl #1: …so we are at this audition and they ask us to step out and say what we like to do in our spare time. So this guy steps out and says “discussing philosophy”. I mean, how pretentious can you get?
Girl #2: Well, what did you expect him to say? “Getting my dick sucked by total strangers”?

–68th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Man That Would Make a Great Yearbook Quote

Guy #1: We were talking about philosophy, and his ideas are just crazy.
Guy #2: Yeah, philosophy is not a good idea.

–Haru Sushi, Park Avenue

Overheard by: FunnyGirl

Hey, God! Nietzsche Ain’t Dead

Beach guy: I’ve seen what happens to people that go in that water. They become mutants.
Beach girl: Our lives can only be improved by becoming mutants.

–Jacob Riis Park

If There Were, That Would Be a Great School Trip

Lady: I’m looking for non-leather shoes.
Saleswoman: Why non-leather?
Lady: I’m vegan. I don’t wear any animal products.
Saleswoman: Well, they don’t kill the cows to get the leather.
Lady: Where do you think they get the leather from? Do you think there’s a bunch of skinless cows roaming a farm somewhere?

–Forest Hills shoe store

Overheard by: MG

Giving Old Meaning to the Term “Sophomore”

Professor: Does anyone know the significance of Plato?
Girl #1: Wasn’t he a writer?
Girl #2: No, that was Plateau.

–LaGuardia Community College

Unlike Said Slaves

Girl on cell: I’ll get a celebrity to pay for my trip. Yah, like Oprah. You know, like on TV Oprah? I’m going to stop slavery. There are 7 million slaves in the world and I’m going to stop all of it…If I want to stop slavery, then I will! I can do anything I want to do!

–W train

Overheard by: SS

After Two Years, It’s a Punchline

Queer #1: I think after a year torture is really a “lifestyle”.
Queer #2: Yeah, right.

–Houston & Sullivan

Overheard by: Scottie

Soft Pretzels, Hard Questions

Woman: Can I get 2 pretzels to go?
Cart guy: To go? As opposed to what, eat in?

–Food cart, 52nd & 5th

Overheard by: Evan

Unlike Those Absurd Fortune Cookies

Barista: “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.”
Guy: Excuse me?
Barista: I was reading the tea bag tag.
Guy: You read a lot of tea bags?
Barista: Sometimes they have something important to say.

–51st St. deli

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist