Guy with Mohawk drinking a beer: That guy over there is half Asian and half black.
Friend in skinny jeans: That's so postmodern!
–The Cock, 2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Trevor From Seattle
Guy with Mohawk drinking a beer: That guy over there is half Asian and half black.
Friend in skinny jeans: That's so postmodern!
–The Cock, 2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Trevor From Seattle
Older woman: When I die, I’m going to be fed to the grizzlies.
Younger woman: What?
Older woman: I want my hands and feet cremated and put into St John’s Cathedral, and the rest of me I want made into steaks and fed to an endangered species. It’s not enough anymore to just give them money. You have to give them part of yourself.
–South End Ave
Overheard by: lino & wyja
Young boy: Fuck school! When I’m old enough, I’m just going to stay home and make babies.
–1 Train
College professor: Everything that is wrong in this world can be traced back to babies.
–40th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Just Trying to Smoke in Peace
Girl on phone: I’m going to have to cancel for a few different reasons. First, the baby hasn’t gotten all her shots. And more importantly, there’s something pecking through my wall! I’m really freaked out!
–Bleecker and Lafayette
Woman with three kids, after watching the eldest push the middle to the ground: What are you pushing him down for? Are you trying to upset my stomach so I lose this baby inside me?
–St Marks Place, Staten Island
Girl on cell: Well if she likes to have babies so much, why don’t she just be a … doctor!
–52nd & 7th
Professor: 42-year-old babies don’t have bones.
–Schenectady County Community College
Vapid girl: It's like how some people go on long runs to train for marathons. I eat cheese to condition my stomach for when I don't eat vegan.
Neighboring diner to girlfriend: The world will a much better place once we start eating people like her.
–Atlas Cafe, 2nd Ave
Middle-aged man at the Minneapolis airport: “When Minnesota first got the lotto, they had the scratch-off lottery cards. I waited on line in a corner store, and the clerk asked me if I wanted to buy one and I said, ‘No. I do not play the lottery.’ The person behind me, as I was leaving, bought a ticket and won $1,000. The clerk turned to me and said, ‘See, you should have bought a ticket!’ and I said to her, ‘No, I’m glad I didn’t. Because I don’t play the lottery.'”
Mom: We gotta figure out where the hell we’re going.
Child: Maybe you should ask a police officer or a security guard.
Mom: I’m not asking them anything. They don’t know shit. Learn that in life: never ask anyone anything ’cause they don’t know nothing.
–33rd & 7th
Chick #1: I always use Equal.
Chick #2: Why?
Chick #1: Well, I like to think of Equal as the women’s lib of sweetener.
Chick #2: So… What does that make Sweet’N Low? The pre-lib? Feminine mystique?
Chick #1: Yeah… Just look at it — pink and pretty, sweet, and bowed low. C’mon. It’s like, ‘Hey, ladies, be sweet and pink for your man — use Sweet’N Low and stay in shape and he’ll love you more!’ Then there’s Equal — it’s blue, it’s bold, it demands attention. It says, ‘Yeah, we’re an artificial sweetener, marketed towards women, but we’re equal!’
Chick #2: Um… Okay, so what does that make Splenda?
Chick #1: I guess post-lib feminism?
Chick #2: Uh, I don’t even know what that is…
Chick #1: Well, see, Splenda’s in court now because apparently neither does anyone else.
Chick #2: Wow… The history of feminism, as interpreted by Deborah, through artificial sweetener… I don’t think I was ready for that at eight in the morning on a Thursday.
Chick #1: Yeah… But that was the only time it was gonna happen.
–71st & West End
Overheard by: Pedro
Woman: So what I realized is that doing the right thing is always right.
Man: Yeah, but think about it. When you go to sleep tonight your conscience will be clean.
Woman: Yeah, I have a clean conscience with a foot up my ass.
–M11 bus
Overheard by: Stevo
Hipster girl: Post-hipster is like post-irony, you’re being ironic about irony.
Hipster guy #1: Wait, so you can be a hipster and hate hipsters at the same time?
Hipster guy #2: I am so post-hipster!
–Charleston Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Matt Boorady
Queer #1: Sex with Nordic guys? That’s like revenge sex for the Holocaust.
Queer #2: The Nordics? They weren’t… Well… They weren’t so bad. Plus, you can’t keep blaming the fact that you’re a huge whore on the Holocaust!
–Wall & William St
