Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think of It As “Well-Traveled”

Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away again!

–Bedford & 11th, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can't, I already had sex with three guys today.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Derek

Girl to friend: I'm really worried about her. I think she has a serious case of slutism.

–66th & Columbus

Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, so apparently "Happy hour Tuesday" equals "Walk of shame Wednesday." I just wish I could've been working at my job for more than a week before I walked in reeking of shame and spermicide. (pause) Actually, I wish the spermicide thing was true. Then I wouldn't have to drop $50 bucks today on plan B.

–Wall St

Teenage boy on cell: She's still sleeping with my brother. I mean, my brother is sleeping with like ten other girls…but she's in his regular rotation.

–Starbucks, Montague Street

NYU student on cell: But logic doesn't call you back. Logic sleeps with you and leaves in the morning.

–Kimmel Center

Posted on July 22, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Cum, Family Ties, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Hipsters, Hook Ups, Illness, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, Philosophy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Preppies, Sex, Sloppy Seconds, Starbucks, Students, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Words

And the Burden of Consciousness

Girl #1: Is it just me, or are people on the West Coast taller?
Girl #2: It’s probably because people here on the East Coast are too beaten down by the wind and the shame.

–72nd & Broadway

Posted on July 17, 2015
Girls, Philosophy, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

But I Can’t Ignore the Fact That He’s Dead Much Longer

Chick #1: You know what? Good sex just hides everything that is bad in a relationship.
Chick #2, high fiving #1: Oooh, amen, girl. Amen!

–Q train

Posted on July 14, 2015
Girls, On the Subway, Philosophy

Wednesday One-Liners Click “It’s Complicated”

Chick: It’s about your cyber personality, and if your cyber personality doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me on Facebook, that’s okay!

–NYU Hayden Staircase

Coed: I don’t know… if Sheryl* with the two kids by the two different baby-daddies can have a good MySpace, I think pretty much anyone should be able to do it.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: ImmaculatePizza

Hipster girl: It looks like MySpace exploded in there!

–The Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard St

Overheard by: Cassie

20-something girl: So, the quadriplegic I hooked up with added me as a friend on Facebook last night.

–Chipotle, 51st & 8th

Geek prophet: No one is ever away from Google, really.

–Near Holland Tunnel

Overheard by: Claire H.

Angry chick, to boyfriend: Look, I’m not changing my Facebook status!

–6th & Ave A

Overheard by: Kremilyse

30-ish woman: I said I wouldn’t date him ’til he gets rid of the typos on his MySpace profile… Am I a snob?

–Tom’s Diner, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: ball-and-veining tool

Posted on July 3, 2015
Baby Mama/Daddy, Bars & Clubs, Default, Facebook, Foreigners, Girls, Google, Handicaps, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Hunter, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Myspace, NYU, Philosophy, Preachers, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women

He’s Also Gonzo for String Theory and Cy Twombly Artwork

Queen #1: Have you heard of this? It’s called I-Ching. Some mystical Chinese thing.
Queen #2: Oh! I love the I-Ching. You must try the I-Ching. It’s fabulous. You can’t understand a damn thing, it’s just remarkably profound and so Now.

–Borders Books, Penn Plaza

Overheard by: Shawndrea

Posted on June 23, 2015
Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Mysticism, Philosophy, Queers, Store

It’s a Trap! Buy the Schopenhauer!

Guy: Hey, I’m lookin’ for a book.
Lady behind the counter: Um, okay. Did you have any particular one in mind?
Guy, laughing: No. Hell no. I don’t fuckin’ read. I’m just lookin’ for something I can take over to Central Park so I can get hit on by chicks who think I’m smart and shit.
Lady behind counter: Try Nietzsche.

–Barnes & Noble, Broadway between 82nd & 83rd

Posted on June 20, 2015
Books & Writing, Clerks, Customers, Philosophy, Store, Stupidity

Speaking Of People Who'd Never Eat Cake

Passenger #1: It's like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too.
Passenger #2: I don't get that. I mean, if I bought the cake, why wouldn't I eat it?
Passenger #1: That's not the point, if you eat the cake it's not there anymore. Get it?
Passenger #2: Then why did I buy the cake in the first place?
(15 minutes later)
Passenger #2: But what about the cake?
Passenger #1: So did you watch The Hills last night?

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Dr.C

Posted on June 19, 2015
Food, On the Subway, Passengers, Philosophy, Questions, TV

It’s Official: Dark Sarcasm is Over

Industrial guy: Do you guys like noise?
Hipster guy #1: Um…no, I’m really into organized sound.
Hipster guy #2: Yeah, I’m really getting into silence…like that.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Jeremy Valeda

Hipster guy #1: I’m trying to get a caffeine buzz going.
Hipster guy #2: Why don’t you just think about the impending blackness that will eventually envelope us all…That should keep you awake.

–Knitting Factory, Leonard Street