Lady: I’m lactose intolerant!
Waitress: Then why are you putting butter on your bread?
Lady: I didn’t know butter was dairy! I thought it came from eggs!
–Veselka, E 9th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Katznik
Lady: I’m lactose intolerant!
Waitress: Then why are you putting butter on your bread?
Lady: I didn’t know butter was dairy! I thought it came from eggs!
–Veselka, E 9th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Katznik
Cute girl about upcoming CAT scan: There’s a part of me that’s actually a little excited… or at least interested, because, you know, it’s a new experience.
Friend: It will be an adventure. A medical adventure. Like House!
Girl: Except the doctor won’t be nearly as sexy as Hugh Laurie.
Friend: But he’ll have a better bedside manner.
Girl: It’d be worth the bedside manner if he were that sexy.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show. It gives us unrealistic expectations.
Girl: My mind right now is like 45% fear, 25% excitement, 15% rational thought, you know, that it’s probably not cancer, and the rest is Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard battling for my affections.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show.
–L Train
Overheard by: Jonah
Hipster guy: Have you ever been arrested?
Hipster girl: Yeah, when I was sixteen my friend and I got arrested for shoplifting. It really wasn’t that bad. The cops were super cool and we were all joking around and shit and our mugshots were actually pretty cute.
–HopScotch Cafe
Black guy: Where you from?
Tourist: Maryland.
Black guy: Cool. I’ve seen The Wire. I know how you guys get down.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Alex
Girl #1: Why is it so hot in here?
Girl #2: Hobo farts.
–1 train station, 168th St
Drunk guy: Where are you from, man?
Random guy: Arizona.
Drunk guy: Arizona… Arizona, Nevada?
Random guy: No… Arizona, Arizona.
Drunk guy: Oh, but… Nevada is a section of Arizona right?
Random guy: No. Nevada is Nevada.
Drunk guy: I’ve been to Wisconsin.
–E Train
Overheard by: Noble Robinette
(in front of the steps of The Metropolitan Museum of Art)
Tourist: Excuse me, do you know where The Met is?
Pissed off local woman: Walk seven blocks that way, take a left and walk four blocks.
(tourist walks away)
Pissed off local woman to friend: The next time someone asks me that, I’m giving them directions to the Bronx.
–82nd & 5th
Overheard by: olivia
Girl diner: You can order a tongue sandwich!
Guy diner: I don’t eat anything that can taste me back.
–Ben’s Kosher Deli
Overheard by: Pastrami Girl
Conductor: This is the shuttle to Times Square. This is not an express train. You are on the shuttle to Times Square, not an express train. Again, this is the shuttle to Times Square… Not an express train. Shuttle to Times Square…
Random thug: Shut the fuck up!
Conductor: … Not the express train. And for the lovely person who just told me to shut up, I’m in the car right next to you. Merry Christmas to all.
[Short pause.]Conductor: Except to the kid who told me to shut up.
–Shuttle to Times Square
Overheard by: Suburban Liz
Cop holding machine gun: Where you from?
Tourist: England.
Cop (in terrible British accent): Smashing! Brilliant!
Tourist: Um… Yeah.
–City Hall
