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Chick: I can never place his accent–it's like he lives south- but his accent's eastern too.
Guy: Maybe he lives… south east? I don't know.
Chick: No, he lives in Illinois- that's north-south.

New York

Excited blonde: Guess what I’m getting myself for a Valentine’s Day present? I’m getting tested for STDs!

Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: not surprised

Girl: Sorry about the chafing. My butt still hurts when I poo.
Boy: [Makes sad face.]Girl: From your surprise. I don’t like your surprises.
Boy: It surprised me too!

Boston, Massachusetts

Granddaughter: Is it wet?
Grandmother: Oh, believe me. It's wet.

Waco, Texas

Overheard by: I need to get whatever they're using.

Guy #1: Do you want to see something gay?
Guy #2: No, do you want to see something gay? Dude, I have, like, the gayest thing ever. I'll text it to you later.

Eugene, Oregon

Overheard by: nyssa

Peer-taught health class leader: Do not open condoms with a knife.

Eugene, Oregon

Overheard by: nyssa

50-something man to 50-something woman: You are not homeless. Homeless people don't own dinnerware!

BART Train
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Morpheus

20-something #1: Let's get into publishing.
20-something #2: Only if it's porn.
20-something #1: Well, of course.
20-something #2: For women. Graphic pornography for women.
20-something #1: I think they already have that.
20-something #2: Giant diamond encrusted wangs, artfully displayed on wedgewood.

Denver, Colorado

Girl with fake sword to group of fifty kids with fake swords (prepping them before their war in the park): Today is not about living, today is about dying. You will die at least 100 times today. And you will love it!

Clark Park
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: afraid of kids

Dude #1: So, when the hell did you start smoking cigarettes?
Dude #2: Last week.
Dude #1: Why the hell did you do that?
Dude #2: I wanna stop smoking pot.

University of Miami
Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Stosh