Conductor: This is the shuttle to Times Square. This is not an express train. You are on the shuttle to Times Square, not an express train. Again, this is the shuttle to Times Square… Not an express train. Shuttle to Times Square…
Random thug: Shut the fuck up!
Conductor: … Not the express train. And for the lovely person who just told me to shut up, I’m in the car right next to you. Merry Christmas to all.
[Short pause.]Conductor: Except to the kid who told me to shut up.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: Suburban Liz

Roommate #1: Y’all need to cover up ’cause I can see your pussylips and that’s just not appropriate.
Roommate #2: Really?
Roommate #1: No.

–Pratt Institute

Yuppie: …and I spent Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday teaching them the Golden Rule.

–Into cell phone, Lexington & 53rd

Gangsta #1: … And then these bitches…
Gangsta #2: Wo‐men. Nigga, they’re women!

–26th & 8th

D’Agostino check‐out counter girl, loudly into the store intercom: Jason, what’s your password?

–D’Agostino, Greenwich & Barrow

Drunk girl #1 coughs.
Drunk girl #2: If you vomit, I swear to God this friendship is over.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: kellianne

Yuppie woman, bumping into a man: Sorry.
Man: Don’t say sorry. This is New York. Nobody says sorry.
Woman: What do you want me to say? Fuck you??
Man: That’s better. This is New York. Who says sorry?
Woman: Fuck you.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Young professional’s friend

Stumbling drunk woman, loudly: Do you have any b‑l‐o‑w?!
Date: Great. Real subtle!

–E 11th St

Overheard by: filigreed

College intern hitting friend with magic wand: Naked Bitch with big titties.
Little kid: Is that a real magic wand?!

–FAO Schwartz

Queer #1: I sucked you off and swallowed your cum!
Queer #2: Shh, not now, someone will hear.
Queer #1: No! No one is listening!
Girl next to them: Actually, I’m listening.

–3 Train

Overheard by: Carly