Chick #1: Yeah, I’m really getting sick of our teacher. I mean, and maybe I shouldn’t say this, but I don’t care that she was raped by her
father as a child.
Chick #2: I know, that’s really none of our business. I don’t need to know that.
–168th Street station
Overheard by: bouch
Hobo #1: Do you know what time is it?
Hobo #2: Yeah I know.
Hobo #1: Thanks.
–2 train
Overheard by: Andrew A
White girl: I’m sorry, I don’t have any money.
Black guy: I didn’t ask you for nuthin’, lady!
–57th & Lexington
Woman: Excuse me, I left my passport in the ladies’ room.
Stewardess guy: I’m sorry, madam, you’ll have to wait until we make our way down the aisle.
Woman: But I need to get my passport.
Stewardess guy: I understand that, but we cannot move this cart back far enough. We should be through in a few minutes.
Woman: But it’s in the bathroom! What if someone takes it?
Stewardess guy: If it’s not in the bathroom when you get there, let one of us know and we’ll make an announcement.
Woman: No, I can’t wait for that to happen, I have to go and get my passport now.
Stewardess guy: I understand, but as I’ve explained to you before, you must wait. Please return to your seat.
Woman: Oh, you’re very nice. You know, in the United States, people don’t behave like that.
Stewardess guy: In the Netherlands people don’t dress like that.
–KLM flight to JFK
Man: Oh, man! Where have you been all my life?…Can I borrow your lighter?
Woman: Oh, thank goodness. I was like, “I’m flattered, but gay.”
–57th & 5th
Overheard by: (The) Heather Red
Hobo: Excuse me miss, but may I have some pussy?
Woman: Excuse me?
Hobo: Can I have some pussy?
Woman: I don’t know, I suggest that you call your mother.
–Thompson & Spring
Girl: Stop staring, pervert.
Guy: You ain’t all that hot.
Girl: I am not a hamburger! You can’t eat me!
–3 train
Overheard by: Jose
Man: Did anyone else notice my mother’s leopard print panties?
–1st Avenue & 10th Street
Girl on cell: Stop stealing Grandma’s condoms, you know she needs them more than you do. Do you want another mother?
–47th & 9th
Mom: Rules are so hard to keep track of and enforce. So I just don’t make any.
–Brooklyn Heights
Mom: Do you know what mental illness is? It’s not fun. You should know.
–F train
Guido on cell: My grandmother tore him a new asshole! You know what she’s like.
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Vic Payback
Mom: Can we please watch the expletives? Did you hear what I said? Can we please watch the expletives?…Can you please stop giving me the finger?
–LIRR
Overheard by: CMichaels
Mom: Get out of the elevator, I want to look at the Marc Jacobs crap.
–Barney’s, Madison Avenue
Chick: This is the same boy who used to lick champagne massage oil off of my naked tits, and now he’s writing three page long internet odes to Ronald Reagan?
–171st & Broadway
Overheard by: Djlindee
Girl: Man if I had money, I’d be a classy bitch!
–Mona’s, Avenue B
Overheard by: Simon Mason
Guy on cell: I smoke weed, work, go to school, and fuck bitches. That’s what I do, man.
–18th between 5th and 6th
Guy: I got a great e-mail from my friend the other day. It said, “Let’s steal something. Call me.”
–Old Town Bar, 18th Street
Overheard by: LMF
Chick: It’s amazing how much more tip you’ll get if you let them fondle your nipples for a little.
–Soho party
Suit: You tell him I don’t spend $4 million on a piece of shit! You tell him to shut the fuck up…in a nice way.
–38th & 7th
Overheard by: Krados
Man on cell: Fuck you! I have a website you can go to, it’s called www.getbitchslappedyoufuckingbitch.com. Or how about www.fuckthisshityoufuckingwhore.net.com?
–54th between 8th & Broadway
Mom: Come on now, we going outside, you can do it there, OK?…He was gonna pee-pee right here on the step. Fuck that!
–137th Street station
Overheard by: Amanda Nazario
White woman: You see why I don’t live in Manhattan, especially on the Upper East Side.
White man: Why is that?
White woman: Too many freaking dogs. Everybody and their mother have a goddamn dog. The Upper East Side smells like dog shit and these people will not clean up after their dogs.
White man: I know what you mean. Too many dogs.
White woman: These people should be shot for not cleaning up after their dogs. They should not be allowed to own an animal if they can’t clean up after it. What, rich and snobbish people aren’t allowed to pick up dog crap, is that it?
White man: Well, at least the West Side is not so bad.
White woman: I’m not sure it is any better.
–80th & 3rd
