Moms

Crazy woman to mother of laughing baby: He likes me! At least you know he ain’t gonna be gay!

–14th St & Ave B

Four‐year‐old #1 holding out a gummy snack: Is this a Pygmy Marmoset?
Four‐year‐old #2: That’s a elephant!
Four‐year‐old #2’s mom: It’s an elephant.
Four‐year‐old #1: Ugh. I wanted a Pygmy Marmoset.

–Metro‐North to Grand Central

Boy, 7: Who’s that guy again?
Mom: Which one?
Boy, 7: Subway.
Mother: Bernard Goetz. 

–B48 bus

Little girl: Mommy, I don’t want to go to that camp. They worship the devil there.
Mom: Oh, no, that’s just a silly song. Every camp has something silly like that that they do.
Little girl: But Mommy, they sing a song that goes, ‘I love the devil.‘
Mom: When you get there you’ll see it’s just a funny game. All kids like to play little games like that.

–Union Square

Eight‐year‐old girl with babysitter seeing mom on the street: Mommy, why do you smell like alcohol?
Mom: Because it’s Tuesday, sweetie.

–Franklin & Broadway

Overheard by: Carleesto

Drunk hobo, singing: Put a little money in the hat!
Six‐year‐old boy to mom: Don’t hats come with a bunny?
Mom: He asked for money, not a bunny. He’s a panhandler, not a magician.

–Canal St station

Overheard by: Thumper

B&T daughter: Let's move to the front, we still have eight minutes.
B&T mother: Oh my god, are we moving?!
Random guy: Uh, that's the other train that's moving.

--LIRR Train

Little girl, squeezing mom’s breast: Mom, what are these for?
Mom: Shhh…
Little girl: Mom, did I suck on them when I was littler?
Mom: Shhh…
Little girl: You know, Mom, like a cow? [Bends over and pretends to drink.]Mom: Like a cow?
Little girl: Yeah, did I milk you like a cow?

–N train

Waspy girl to gaggle of friends: You know, medium‐rare is, like, totally the new medium. You know what I mean? (friends stare blankly) No, I guess you wouldn’t.

–6 Train

Overheard by: I Like Mine Bleeding

B&T CSR: Pork killed my father.

–80 Pine St

Overheard by: It’s me

Stroller‐pushing mom to friend: I gotta do something about her leg! It looks like freeze‐dried meat.

–DeKalb & Washington, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Morning Glory

NYU girl to friend: My hair smells like meat.

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: evanescent

Girl to friend: This is my pi system: it’s like a sausage.

–NYU Classroom

Man to can of corned beef: God, you understand me so well.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Murphy

Middle‐aged woman, dressed like a pre‐teen: I’m not really sure how it happened but I think I ended up drunk and half‐naked on the 5th floor of Macy’s.
Teenage daughter: Really?
Middle‐aged woman: Maybe it was the 6th floor. Shoot, and that was gonna be a good story to tell Jeannie.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Nikki