Moms

Little girl, squeezing mom’s breast: Mom, what are these for?
Mom: Shhh…
Little girl: Mom, did I suck on them when I was littler?
Mom: Shhh…
Little girl: You know, Mom, like a cow? [Bends over and pretends to drink.]Mom: Like a cow?
Little girl: Yeah, did I milk you like a cow?

–N train

Waspy girl to gaggle of friends: You know, medium-rare is, like, totally the new medium. You know what I mean? (friends stare blankly) No, I guess you wouldn't.

–6 Train

Overheard by: I Like Mine Bleeding

B&T CSR: Pork killed my father.

–80 Pine St

Overheard by: It's me

Stroller-pushing mom to friend: I gotta do something about her leg! It looks like freeze-dried meat.

–DeKalb & Washington, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Morning Glory

NYU girl to friend: My hair smells like meat.

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: evanescent

Girl to friend: This is my pi system: it's like a sausage.

–NYU Classroom

Man to can of corned beef: God, you understand me so well.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Murphy

Middle-aged woman, dressed like a pre-teen: I’m not really sure how it happened but I think I ended up drunk and half-naked on the 5th floor of Macy’s.
Teenage daughter: Really?
Middle-aged woman: Maybe it was the 6th floor. Shoot, and that was gonna be a good story to tell Jeannie.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Nikki

Old woman: Mom, look at this bag. Isn’t it cute?
Really old woman: Ewww! No!

She slaps her daughter’s wrist.

Really old woman: It’s ugly! That color! You have no taste!
Old woman: Jeez, Mom. I just thought it would be a nice bag for spring. You didn’t have to slap me.
Really old woman: Now I won’t have to look at it! Or you!

–Lord and Taylor

Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.

–Washington Square North

Overheard by: Daniel

Young nanny to six-year-old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?

–76th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sonny

Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn't mean I won't backhand you.

–NYU Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Maria

Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I'm saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you–and that's saying a lot!

–6th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Wemily

Litte girl: Why do they always do that?
Mother: Because they don’t think outside the box.
Little girl, after a pause: What does the box look like?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: Emilio Lizardo

Whining young boy: I can handle it!
Stern mother: We have a dying hermit crab at home. You cannot handle it.
Whining young boy: But I'll feed it every day!

–3rd Ave & 16th Str

Girl: We can't become gay just to fit in at this school!

–NYU

Passer-by: I pay $40k a year for school, and that makes me better than you.

–NYU, Tisch

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

NYU girl at party: My parents are actually really into civil liberties.

–NYU Dorm

NYU chick to friend: I love coke! (passing white lady gives her a strange look) I meant the drink, not the drug, lady! Jeez, I'm a minority student at fucking NYU! You think I can afford a coke habit??

–8th & University

Overheard by: Melissa Perez

Gay NYU student, rolling around on the ground in student lounge: I am obsessed with the ground. I mean, who's going to judge me? There's like six million Asians here and none of them are gay.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Mother, pushing crying two-year-old in stroller: They're never going to accept you here if you keep screaming!

–NYU Admissions

Overheard by: Sam

Child: Is this really what the Vikings’ houses looked like?
Mother: No, they didn’t have wood back then.

–Viking exhibit, Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Trees? What trees?

Young hipster guy to hobo: I hate to ask, but do you mind if I bum a cigarette from you?

–Prince St

Overheard by: Kristen W.

Flight attendant on PA: We’d like to remind you that this is a non-smoking service to London, but passengers are permitted to smoke outside the cabin at any point during the flight.

–British Airways Flight to Heathrow

Crazy man: Smoking leads directly to prostitution!

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: voluptuousgrl

Dude: I’ve been smoking since I came out of my mom’s cooch.

–Hop Scotch Cafe

Woman with raspy voice: Man, cigarettes are so expensive now. When I started smoking, it was only a $1.25 a pack. Unless I bought them off my mom, she only charged 75 cents a pack.

–4 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: Christine

Mom to seven-year-old son: Come on, let’s go out for a cigarette. (looks around nervously at other audience members) Well, not that you smoke.

–Intermission, Rent