Receptionist lady: What’s your name?
Little boy: Nayan.
Receptionist lady: Can you spell that for me?
Little boy: N-A-Y-A-N.
Receptionist lady: Did your mommy tell you what your name means?
Little Boy: X-ray vision.
–Doctor’s office, Park Slope
Overheard by: Rachel
Girl: It doesn’t matter if you’re skinny or fat–being anorexic is when you don’t eat because you only think that you’re fat!
Guy: No, people don’t eat because they’re not hungry.
–N train
Overheard by: Steph Lo
Sunbathing chick #1: Oh, girl, you so skinny. They should name you “Miss Congene-u-ality”.
Sunbather #2: Oh no no no, I don’t puke.
–Central Park Great Lawn
Overheard by: Jordan the Intern
Man: So let me get this straight: you still buy him stuffed animals–
Woman: Yeah.
Man: –but he just broke up with his girlfriend because she got too fat.
Woman: Yup.
Man: How old is he?
Woman: Nine.
–Starbucks, 114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jack Vanston
Girl on cell: If you beat somebody up real bad and they press charges, how much time can you get for that?…No, if they press charges against you.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Katie C
Boy, 5: Lady, I’m gonna cut off your head and feed it to my family.
–14th & 2nd
Overheard by: djlindee
Boy #1: Ha, ha, ha, ha! What did the shoe say to the foot? How’s it footin’?
Boy #2: Ha, ha, ha, ha! What did the bus say to the street? How’s it streetin’?
Boy #1: Ha, ha, ha, ha! What did the airplane say to the building?
Boy #2: Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Boy #1: Hello, I’m gonna crash into you now.
–M60 bus
Overheard by: marisa
Guy: So, I went on this audition, and they asked me, “Can you juggle and ride a unicycle?”. I mean, I can juggle, and I can ride a unicycle, but I can’t do both at once, I’m not a skills clown. Basically, my skill is falling. I can fall really well.
–A train
Overheard by: Berit J.
Girl: Mommy, what’s the opposite of hair?
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: Stuart Weisberg
Mom: Don’t you know this is the liberry, not the cry-berry?
–The Fordham Library Center
Tween girl: …and the one Winnie the Pooh had a nice body…
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Jason B. Schmidt
Guy: …if my wife and I spit at the kids, nothing happens…but if a llama does they burst into tears.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: J-Mo
British guy: Can’t be more worse than having a baby every six months.
–116th & Lexington
Boy: Mommy, how many hours are in a mile?
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: BBW
Little Chinese girl: You don’t understand anything!…Just shut the hell up.
Passerby: I thought Asian kids were supposed to be polite.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Djlindee
Woman: …he’s been practicing for weeks and weeks and weeks, maybe months. We’re going to stay for an hour, and when we leave–and during the whole show–we have to be very, very quiet. Like a mouse. OK?
Girl: Yes, Eliza.
Woman: What’s my name?
Girl: Eliza.
Woman: And what’s my other name, my special name just for you?…Mommy, OK? My name is Mommy.
–M7 bus
Woman #1: All of a sudden I see her jump on top of the kid and start humping her!
Woman #2: Oh God!
Woman #1: Yeah, and they’s only 5 years old! So I pull them apart and ask her why she was doing that to her.
Woman #2: And what did she say?
Woman #1: She said, “I saw my mommy doing it with her friend only her panties were on the floor.”
–Forever 21, Union Square
Overheard by: mousie
Guy: Golden retrievers are beautiful animals. If I were a golden retriever, I would be so vain!
–Shade, Sullivan Street
Guy on cell: Oh, you want a doggy treat? When I get home I’ll give you a big fat bone.
–34th & 8th
Woman: Peter! Dog poop is not a toy!
–CPW & 65th Street
Overheard by: Johnathan
Mom: If you don’t get up off that bench, I’m gonna kick your ass.
Boy: Can’t kick my ass if I’m sitting on it, can ya?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jessica
