Breaking Up

The Lighter Side of…Eating Disorders

Girl: It doesn’t matter if you’re skinny or fat–being anorexic is when you don’t eat because you only think that you’re fat!
Guy: No, people don’t eat because they’re not hungry.

–N train

Overheard by: Steph Lo

Sunbathing chick #1: Oh, girl, you so skinny. They should name you “Miss Congene-u-ality”.
Sunbather #2: Oh no no no, I don’t puke.

–Central Park Great Lawn

Overheard by: Jordan the Intern

Man: So let me get this straight: you still buy him stuffed animals–
Woman: Yeah.
Man: –but he just broke up with his girlfriend because she got too fat.
Woman: Yup.
Man: How old is he?
Woman: Nine.

–Starbucks, 114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jack Vanston

I Thought It Went: Love, Marriage, Baby in Carriage

Guy: Bitch took everything…my watch, my ring, the ring she bought
me…she took the ring I bought her. She came and took everything.
Baby carriage lady: I told that bitch go ahead, take everything, she could have all that. ’cause you know what? I have your
husband.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: remyzero

It Didn’t Work Out with Wednesday One-liners

Woman on cell: For five years you wouldn’t marry me because your mother was sick. Well, your mother’s fucking dead and you still won’t marry me!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Robbie

Goombah: So what? I went and had a couple beers with Junior! You know what? Fuck you, bitch! I want you outta my house when I get home!

–Brooklyn Heights

Man on cell: So what has changed from then to now?…of course! The vibrator! So that’s it, huh?

–Central Park

Overheard by: jeannette

Guy: That’s one of the reasons I had to dump her. I’d see all these
girls on the street and be like, “Hey now!”

–Broadway & Spring

Guy on cell: I moved all the way here and now you won’t even marry me?

–Broadway & 57th

Is It Going to Work Out with Wednesday One-liners?

Woman on cell: Yeah, he told me the next day that he cried himself to sleep. I got so mad. I was like, “I don’t wanna hear that shit!”

–Target, Atlantic Avenue

Overheard by: alex

Chick: Is it really cheating if it only happened once?

–26th & Lexington

Guy on cell: Look, I’m driving so I can’t talk right now, ok? Good-bye…Fucking bitch, never leaves me alone.

–Burger King, Union Turnpike

Overheard by: Megan Cowles

Girl: So are we breakin’ up or what? It’s getting late!

–59th & Lexington

Overheard by: Mike

He Just Wants to Find Out What Tzatziki is Called

Teen girl: Like, I thought he was Jewish but then he ate a gyro so I dumped him.
Teen boy: That’s rough. Did he have it with that white sauce?
Teen girl: What difference does that make? Shit, you’re dumb.

–F train

Overheard by: Steph Gold

She Drove Her Car Into a Lamppost

Guy #1: So what happened with you and Liz?
Guy #2: We broke up last week.
Guy #1: For good this time?
Guy #2: Yeah, well, I told her to go get fucked, and apparently that’s just what she did.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ted Stickels

It’s Not You, It’s Me (& Wednesday One-liners)

Woman: …and he wanted to break up with me so badly, he was like,
“Here, I’ll buy you an apartment!”

–Central Park sailboat pond

Overheard by: Sarahvb

Teen chick: I wouldn’t want to get married because it takes so long to get a divorce!

–Rockefeller Park

Russian lady: Ya…my mother was lucky. Not many women divorce lawyers.

–6 train

Lady: Come on, since my fucking boyfriend is a fucking crack head, we are fucking gonna pick up some guys tonight.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julia Wright

Girl: I’m getting kind of tired of him. He used to be the kind of guy you could go out with and never have to talk.

–6 train

Guy on cell: …so I can fuck her, but I can’t marry her. See she’s Orthodox, but not Orthodox enough.

–Duane Reade, 51st & 3rd

Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper

Chick on cell: Honey, your boyfriend isn’t a boyfriend. He’s, like, a boyfriend-substitute…He’s, like, the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter of boyfriends.

–Times Square

Overheard by: djlindee

Wednesday One-liners

Girl on cell: I knew it was over when I grabbed his shirt and he told me I was pulling his hair.

–Bleecker & W. 11th

Overheard by: Alaska

Guy: Yeah, but the guy’s the Michael Jackson of dishwashing…

–Houston Street & Avenue B

Overheard by: Andrew Williams

Sex and the 6 Train

Girl, 14: I can’t imagine laying next to him in bed. He’d have to bring a GPS device.
Boy, 14: Yeah, how to get from point A to point B.

–6 train

Lesbian: Whatever, we can break up, I don’t care. You were only good for sex and Scrabble. The sex wasn’t even good and I can play Scrabble online.

–6 train

Overheard by: Tom V

I Miss This

Chick: Since we broke up you’ve been smoking a lot.
Guy: Yeah…
Chick: You shouldn’t smoke.
Guy: You shouldn’t suck so much dick but you don’t hear me criticize you five times a day.
Chick: [Mouth wide open in shock.]Guy: To start you should try closing your mouth!

–B Train

Overheard by: another now single smoker

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist