People

Girl #1: I asked for liposuction for graduation.
Girl #2: Where?
Girl #1: In my ass.
Girl #2: Did you get it?
Girl #1: No. But I’m happy with the car.

–The Equitable Building, Broadway & Pine

Overheard by: Fletch

Hobo: Help me out, get me something to eat.
Girl: Can I buy you something from the deli?
Hobo: No…I can’t eat anything from there. I’m gonna get a Happy Meal. See, I pray seven times a day. Yeah, we Muslims can’t eat anything from there. Can you spare some change so I can get a Happy Meal?
Girl: No.

–Broadway & 92nd

Overheard by: Hannah Elka

Girl: Your breath is stinky.
Guy: Please. My breath is so fresh they should name a mint after it.
Girl: How about excre-mint?

–56th & 1st

Boy: We’re watching Pimp My Ride.
Man: What does “pimp” mean?
Boy: It’s someone who owns women.

–Washington Square Village

British chick: I just solved my lunch problem, because I hate raw cheese.

–27th Street office

Guy: Bitch, you better give me back my donuts or I’ll pull out your weave.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: Vinson Guthreau

Guy: Nothing like going to Chuck E. Cheese to make you start drinking again.

–82nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: JY

Lady: This is a yuppie McDonald’s. It’s all middle class people here.

–McDonald’s, 47th Street

Overheard by: Christa Bramberger

As a Brooklyn Brewery delivery truck passed a toddler on the sidewalk yelled: I love beer!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: tee sul

Bartender: If the Burp Castle ever closes it means the death of classical music in New York.

–Burp Castle bar, E. 7th Street

Guy on cell: Is this like that time where Laura told me that cat food was Lucky Charms?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Cynthia

A woman noisily bites into an apple, opposite a guy typing on his iMac laptop. She says: Mine’s delicious, how’s yours?

–A train

Guy #1: I don’t care about the goddamn pope anymore! What is it, it’s on the front page of every paper. Who cares?
Guy #2: I know, he’s going to die in a few years anyway.

–20th & 7th

Overheard by: Tom

Dowager: I’ll take a Swiss cock, please. That looks good.

–Bakery, 58th & 7th

Man on cell: That stuff was too expensive. Why don’t I just buy one of those cheap necklaces on the street and you can put in a blue boz and say it was from Tiffany’s.

–57th & 5th

Overheard by: Angie

Preppy: Hey Dave, put another beer in this cooze!

–Blind Tiger Ale House, Hudson Street

Guy: Golden retrievers are beautiful animals. If I were a golden retriever, I would be so vain!

–Shade, Sullivan Street

Guy on cell: Oh, you want a doggy treat? When I get home I’ll give you a big fat bone.

–34th & 8th

Woman: Peter! Dog poop is not a toy!

–CPW & 65th Street

Overheard by: Johnathan

Lady: Girl, or all the hairs growin’ out of my face, I’d take your wart in a second.

–Bally Sports Club, Madison & 43rd

Overheard by: Heather Hunter

Trendy boy: God, I feel so bad farting next to all these really expensive cars.

–Jacob Javits Center

Overheard by: Lindsay

Dude on cell: …so I got into this fight last night and totally whaled on the dude…totally kicked his ass! His nose was bleeding and everything!….OK, I’ll see ya later. Peace.

–Coffee Shop, Union Square West