Hungover conference attendee: Ugh, it's early.
Appalled conference attendee, scooting chair away: You smell like a dead hooker covered in alcoholic bum piss. And avocado.

Conference Center
Las Vegas, Nevada

Girl to pals in line for restroom: … So now I’m dating my boss, my landlord, and financial advisor…
Friend: Wow, that’s intense.

DeVos Performance Hall
Grand Rapids, Michigan

Overheard by: Caty

Greenpeace activist to couple walking out of grocery store: Are you guys concerned about our environment?
Elderly couple: Definitely! We recycle, and we take showers together!

Mothers Market
Costa Mesa, California

Overheard by: arie

Asian chick: If I wasn’t wearing underwear I definitely would have let him slide his hand up my butt.

Overheard by: doug

Pessimistic non-racist : I can't remember what Jamal Lewis did to go to prison for, but when he got out, he was a different running back.
Optimistic racist: I'm sure it was some kind of misunderstanding.

Point Comfort, Texas