Waiter: I assume you guys are on a date?
Guy #1: Yep.
Waiter: I just love seeing two nice young men together, so I brought you key lime shots to go with the key lime pie. Enjoy.
Guy #2: Bitch, you’ll do anything for alcohol.
–East of Eighth, W. 23rd Street
Filthy man: You three ladies know this dude?
Girl #1: Uh, yeah.
Filthy man: Oh. Okay. ‘Cause I was about to pull out my AK47 and shoot him dead.
The elevator stops.
Filthy man: You all have a nice night.
–Hotel Carter, West 43rd Street
Overheard by: onesong
Girl #1: You can’t eat that chicken. There was a bug in it.
Girl #2: But I’m so hungry.
Girl #1: What kind of bug is it anyways?
Girl #2: I don’t know. I feel like crying.
–Waverly Diner
Girl: When we were younger, we totally took for granted the fun in playing Spin the Bottle…I would love to play now but it wouldn’t be the same.
Man: Yeah, playing now would just end with an abortion two months later.
Girl: Ugh.
–Broadway & 46th
Overheard by: Jeff Rigby
Girl: Is your package big?
Guy: …I don’t know…depends on what my mom ordered.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: Bowserhsu
Ghetto guy: Dat movie was da bomb.
Ghetto hoochie: Yeah guy, 10 thumbs up!
–City Cinemas Village East, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Faceman
Hippie guy on cell: Nathan, I don’t care how drunk you were, if you’re giving a blowjob, you know you’re giving a blowjob.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Mr. Donutsu
Two people are making out.
Guy #2: That’s just wrong.
Girl #2: You just don’t understand, it’s love.
Guy #2: Yeah, it’s been love since Friday night at the bar.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Jess McGins
A hobo has a cardboard sign that says “Ninjas killed parents, need money for Kugn [sic] Fu lessons.”
A cop comes up, and the hobo says: I don’t know why. I’ve already had five police come by and bother me today.
–14th & 5th
Overheard by: Casey
(cf. This guy.)
Italian guy #1: For some guys, it’s all right.
Italian guy #2: The fucking Israelis started that shit.
Italian guy #1: I don’t see nothing wrong with it, if that’s what you’re into…
Italian guy #2: The day I wear a square-toed shoe, put me in the fucking ground!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: James
