Ghetto Chicks

Every Minute of Every Day, I Love New York

Ghetto girl #1: …so I was talkin’ to that guy and his accent was so fuckin’ hot–guys from there have accents for whatever–and I’m like, “Yo, why you got an accent? You only live like 20 miles away.” I was like, “Nigga, what the fuck is up with havin’ an accent and bein’ from Louisiana?” He then be lookin’ at me like I swallowed my own piss.
Ghetto girl #2: You so stupid. His accent be the thing that make you want him. You so stupid. Know why? I don’t think he even had an accent; you probably thought he was from Jamaica or something. Just because he black. You a bad liar too. People from Louisiana can’t have accents. That’s for people from different parts of the world, like the Canadians in Europe. Canada’s such a fuckin’ weird country, but they got hot accents. If you from Louisiana, you sound just like you do if you from New York, and if you from New Jersey. If you from Canada, you sound mad different, because it’s on the other side.
Ghetto girl #1: Well nah, I knew Canada was overseas…but they ain’t got accents. I’m tellin’ ya though, this fuckin’ Louisiana guy has a fuckin’ accent…and it’s not even as far as Canada…Louisiana is a drive away; it’s fuckin’ nuts. I just wish I could make out with him so that I could feel his fuckin’ Louisiana lips, but then I guess I be wrong, he can’t be from Louisiana. So I guess I’ma dream of kissin’ him when we be in Canada. It’s across the world and great.
Bystander guy: The sad thing about this is that you two will probably become teachers.

–Queens Plaza station

They Must Have Seen X-men

Ghetto guy: Dat movie was da bomb.
Ghetto hoochie: Yeah guy, 10 thumbs up!

–City Cinemas Village East, 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Faceman

Let’s Toss In a Speak ‘n Spell for Mom

Woman: Nigga, where you goin’?
Boy: Mom, action figures!
Woman: Nigga, the action figures is right here!

–Toys R’ Us, Times Square

Massengill Taps the Urban Demographic

Girl #1: You know when I goes out with a boy, I like to make sure that I am all clean and shit.
Girl #2: I know, me too.
Girl #1: Come to think of it, I like to be clean when I go out with the girls, too…Ya know, one of them always ends up touching ya.
Girl #2: I hears ya.

–2 train

Overheard by: jonathan

There is No Situation Where That Line Sucks

Ghetto HS girl: Oh please! You thought you was lookin’ all fly, comin’ out wit yo five dolla t-shirt, do-rag and boots. Tryin’ ta holla at a girl. Sorry nigga, you ain’t the one.
Ghetto HS boy: I’m sorry for ya, ma. Thinkin’ I was tryin’ to get wit you. Head gettin’ all big…when you all busted. Playin’ mix tapes on ya face.

–R train

Overheard by: Cinnamaniac

I Would Love to See That Butler’s Face

Girl #1: I’m tired of these ghetto dudes out here.
Girl #2: I know das right.
Girl #1: Das why I need a nigga in a business suit. I’m tired of
these ghetto dudes out here with they pants hangin’ off they butt, comin’ home 3 in the mornin’ talkin’ ’bout, “Boo, make me a peanut butter and jelly sanwich.” If I had a nigga in a business suit, he’ll get a project girl like me out da hood and make me a 3 course meal!

–3 train

It’s Where the Chain Got Its Start

Girl #1: Do you want a sandwich?
Girl #2: Making a sandwich on the subway is so ghetto!
Girl #1: Shit girl, we are ghetto.

–A train

Those Tootsie Pop Ads Sure Have Changed

Hip-hop chick #1: Yo, I been good, I ain’t smoked weed for like three days.
Hip-hop chick #2: What? You told me you smoked up last night.
Hip-hop chick #1: No, girl, I just took one little puff. Taking one little puff don’t mean I smoked. That’s like taking a lick of a dick and saying you sucked it.

–33rd & Broadway

Wednesday One-liners Belong in a Zoo

Chick: I’m afraid of birds, so I go to the bird store next door to sort of get over it, you know? So I was down there today and there was this lady there who owns one of the birds, and she was saying how it bit her in the lip, and she lost feeling in her finger. That makes me think…they really are evil!

–Office, E. 33rd Street

Man on cell: Hello. Yes, this is the squirrel from the park. Please
come back to the park, I’m not in the park but I’ll be there soon.

–23rd & 6th

College girl: I always associate double-parking with shrimp.

–M86 bus

Overheard by: Andrea Natalie Goldstein

Hispanic girl: Yo, butterflies is scary!

–B train

College girl: Yeah, my mom was watching this commercial about kitty litter where there was this cat who said, “Yeah, and then they go and do the thing…” Wait. I mean, that’s not what the cat said. I’m just paraphrasing.

–Starbucks, 67th & Columbus

What Do You Think She Meant, Pervert?

Chick: …so she was sleeping with the animals.
Guy: She was sleeping with the animals?
Chick: ’cause she wasn’t really part of the circus.

–Washington Square SW

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