Wednesday One‐Glove‐Liners

20‐something female shopkeeper to coworker, as Michael Jackson’s “Rock with You” plays on the radio: Did you hear he’s sick? Apparently, he’s in the hospital. I know, it’s crazy. Can you imagine if he dies? If he dies, that’ll be, like, the most awful thing to happen to America in years!

–Pet Food Store

Overheard by: Nathalie

Suit on cell: What if Michael Jackson sucking your dick was the cure for cancer?

–8^th & Broadway

Man, lighting cigarette: So what’d he die from? A sunburn?

–Chambers St. & West Broadway

Middle aged black lady on cell: If you can get Michael Jackson on a condom box it would definitely sell.

–MacDougal & 8^th St

Nine‐year‐old boy, pointing to a newspaper article, to younger sister: Oh yeah, that guy? He was fifty. He used to be a black guy but made himself become white.

–Canal & Orchard, Chinatown

Overheard by: Lauren T.

Large tattooed man, discussing Michael Jackson: One of those kids is his; the other two can’t be, they’re white. They were all unofficially inseminated, though.

–Delancey & Essex

Posted on May 27, 2023
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Black People, Brothers, Cancer, Chinatown, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Coworkers, Death, Fat People, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Kids, Lower East Side, Men, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Race, Sisters, Store, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Boys Have Wednesday One‐liners, Girls Have a Vagina

Girl on cell: Yeah…he was big. Real big. Like…it hurts big. I’m talking anaconda.

–72^nd Street 1÷2÷3 station

Overheard by: Jennie S.

Man on cell: I’m tired, man! I been working all week. Do I have to sign the paper with my dick?…No, I’m not complainin’.

–84^th & 2^nd

Lady: Yo, it smells like dirty dick over here.

–Dakota Roadhouse, Park Place

Overheard by: Courtney C

Guy: Just because you’re hot and sweaty doesn’t mean you can’t have your cock hangin’ out on a Friday night.

–Houston between Eldridge & Forsyth

Women: Why does every man have to stare at my tits? Like they’ve never seen none before? Haven’t they seen their Momma’s or their wives’ or their girlfriends’? The other day a man asked me if my tits were real, I said, “Is your dick real?”.

–7^th & 30^th

Chickon cell: Yeah, girl, he has a turtle dick.

–M5 bus

Overheard by: Orianna Baez

Girl: Believe me, if I wanted your dick up my ass, I would have put it there myself.

–SOB’s, Varick Street

Posted on May 24, 2023
On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Rack

Wednesday One‐Liners Accept All Seven Genders

Bus driver, to guy entering bus: Sorry, ladies only.

–45^th & 5^th

Overheard by: Jobee

Tranny: Girl, you gotta keep that penis.

–Midtown

Chick on cell: I like the idea of having a penis.

–Harlem

Overheard by: hott bi luvr

Woman: Unless they’re gay, in which case you should just pretend I said men instead of girls. But it’s all still true.

–47^th & 8^th

Man on cell: Everyone is asking me if I’m a lesbian this week. What is that about?

–Christopher & Bedford

Overheard by: staso

Woman to co‐worker: So he has all girls as daughters.

–225 Broadway, 4^th floor

Overheard by: Jennifer

Queer: God, I either need to fuck a boy or a trannie tonight!

–13^th & Broadway

Overheard by: liza

Posted on May 22, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, God, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Lesbians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penis, Queer guys, Relationships, Stupidity, The Village, Trannies

Wednesday One‐liners Belong in a Zoo

Girl: Yeah, so, did you hear that the bald eagle isn’t extinct anymore?

–Central Park

Posted on May 15, 2023
Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Central Park, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Manhattan, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pop Culture, Queens, Staten Island Ferry, STDs, Stupidity, The Village, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Yuppies

Some Half‐Baked Wednesday One‐Liners

Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b‑o‐n‑g.

–19^th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kyle

Man in light green suit with orange‐red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don’t smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don’t get high tonight!

–125^th & Lenox

Overheard by: Plausible

Young hipster: So I said, “Mom, did you smoke with me?”

–Central Park Reservoir

Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don’t want me smoking pot, you don’t want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don’t want me chewing gum and now you don’t like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that’s okay with you?

–L Train

Overheard by: It’s me, bitches.

Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you’re smoking is really good.

–Cooper Union

Overheard by: me too

Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I’m serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don’t you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can’t see anymore and then I’ll be there. Alright? Bye.

–8^th Ave & 27^th St

Overheard by: Erica Friedman

Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn’t smell like weed?

–Washington Square Park

Posted on May 12, 2023
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, College, Family Ties, Food, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Smoking, Street, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Time, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

The New Crunch Marketing Strategy

Girl on cell: Seriously George, I gained twenty pounds while I was in LA, and now every black guy in the city can’t stop talking to me about my ass!
Guy slowly driving by and waving out window: Oooh girl, you so fiiiine…you gorgeous.
Girl on cell: Jesus Christ! There’s another one! I’ve gotta call you back, I’m going to the gym.

–Broadway & Bleeker

Posted on May 1, 2023
Fashion, Manhattan, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, Union Square and East Village

Translation: I’m Totally A‑OK With You Getting Arrested

Hipster on cell: So, are you gonna pee on the subway or hold it?
Future subway peeer: (inaudible response)
Hipster on cell: Yeah, dude, I do it all the time. Just do your thing in the corner, open the side door, an’ let it slosh out when you’re movin’ between stations. Dude, even women do it. Totally a‑okay!

–67^th St & Columbus

Overheard by: kjirsten johnson

Posted on April 25, 2023
Hipsters, On Cell, Pee, Public Transportation, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One‐Liners Ride a Vespa

Hipster on cell: I’m not even buying anything. I’m just here to be seen.

–Trader Joe’s

Hipster boy: I loves me some master race!

–Lobby, the Met

Overheard by: Shayna

Tipsy hipster girl: Wine is so, like, the blood of the gods!

–W 4^th & Christopher St

Hipster guy: I think the most truly good person who’s ever been on this earth was Gandhi. Or maybe Martin Luther King, Junior… But he was black.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ghandi was Indian..

Drunk chick: What kind of hipsters are you that you won’t fuck a girl just because she wants to wear a Sailor Moon costume?

–St. Mark’s Pl

Posted on April 22, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hipsters, History & Geography, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Museums, On Cell, People, Places, Politics, Race, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shopping, The Met, The Village, Times Square, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues

Wednesday One‐Liners Keep It in Their Mattresses

Suit: I pay my money, I cross my legs, and I say, ‘Entertain me.’

–52^nd St, between 8^th & 9^th Ave

Woman on cell: Money is kind of like a metaphor for life.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Eavesdropper

Street performer: Hey, little children, if your parents don’t give you money to give us, it means they don’t love you!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Allison

Guy on bench: Let Jesus out of your wallet! All you good Christians, I need some of your Jesus money!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Laura

Loud guy: For that kind of money I should stand on my hands and juggle bowling balls out my anus!

–Subway station at 72^nd & Broadway

Posted on March 30, 2023
Creepsters, Money & Class, On Cell, Suits, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One‐Liners, As God Made Them

Guy on cell: What does you caring about me have to do with me at some club with “hypothetical” naked chicks?

–42^nd & Lexington

Guy yelling across street to girl on phone: Tell her I waited naked on the bed all night but she never came!

–Washington Square

Suit to another: It’s so weird because there are so many people at the office who you’d never think to picture naked… Like Marcy: you’d never picture her naked. Alex: you’d never picture him naked. Derek: I’ve never pictured him naked.

–F Train

Overheard by: EmLo

Guy, to two women: I was like, “You’re lying on top of me. We’re naked. When does this get fun?”

–Philosophy Building, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

(girl is wearing small, tight, mini‐skirt and talking to a group of boys)
Girl: If it was up to me, I wouldn’t be wearing any clothes, if it weren’t for gravity.

–Sybil’s, Liberty Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Terrence

20‐something girl to friend: So I chased after him, but I was naked…so how far could I go?

–Brooklyn Promanade

Posted on March 19, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia University, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nudity, Office politics, On Cell, On the Subway, Pictures, Queens, Questions, Science, Sexuality, Suits, Washington Square Park, Weirdness

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