The Biggest Wednesday One‐Liner

Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat people on OkCupid?

–Bedford Ave & 8^th

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Remember the other day when you told me I had a fat ass and I didn’t curse you out? So now you gonna buy me something.

–Pizzeria, 77^th St & 1^st Ave

Overheard by: Eric

Older woman waiting for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fatter sits down.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Henry Pena

Posh‐looking Asian chick: But he consumed over 6,000 calories a day, so he deserved whatever he had coming.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

White hip‐hopper on cell: Yeah, she’s so big I thought there was two of her. Then I realized she was a dude!

–Broome & Forsyth

Overheard by: Terry

Posted on March 5, 2023
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Ass, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Friends, Gender issues, Girlfriends, Girls, Internet, JFK Airport, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Wiggers

Wednesday One‐Liners for Vanessa Hudgens

Girl on phone: Well then, riddle me this, smart guy: why’d I wake up naked?

–Smith & Sackett, Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Swimfan

Girl: Oh my god! I can’t wait to see them naked!

–Elevator, Times Square Arts Center

Overheard by: Natalie

Museum worker: And then I woke up buck naked in a hotel, and there were pictures of me all over the room.

–Museum of Art and Design

Guy: No, I will not do it in here again. Just because I’m wearing nothing under my jacket, doesn’t mean I’m going to flash a crowd of people in every store we enter. I’ve done it three times already. Get your rocks off some other way.

–Columbus Circle Mall Escalator

Overheard by: Martin

Drunk girl at NYU protest: I don’t even know why I’m here, I just want to take off my clothes!

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: Lilo

Girl on train: Oh, hi! I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on.

–A Train

Overheard by: Don’t even wanna know

Girl on cell: So I’m gonna be naked, but that’s okay, I’ll be wearing rollerblades.

–N 4^th & Bedford Ave

Posted on March 1, 2023
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drunks, Elevators, Girls, Guys, Malls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Nudity, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pictures, Questions, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Some things just can’t be taught in one sentence

Yuppie: …and I spent Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday teaching them the Golden Rule.

–Into cell phone, Lexington & 53^rd

Posted on February 26, 2023
Etiquette, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Yuppies

Wednesday One‐Liners, Plus Puerto Rico

Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said “Come on, Mr California!” and I was like: “Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!”

–G Train

Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame

Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas.

–Tram to Roosevelt Island

Eight‐year‐old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell!

–38^th & 2^nd Ave

Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton‐John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.

–Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.

Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s.

–43^rd St between Madison & 5^th

Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California.

–New York Public Library, 42^nd St branch

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on February 23, 2023
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Customers, Drag queens, Food, Girls, Gripes, Holidays, Kids, Library, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Music, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Race, Religion, Store, Street, Students, Suits, The Village, U.S. Geography, Words, Yeaaahhh College!

To Help Her Resist the Make‐up Sex

20‐something Puerto Rican on cell: We’re walking to the court right now. Yeah, he is an asshole, she’s gonna get an order of protection.
20‐something black woman, yelling: Yeah, I am tired of his violent shit!
20‐something Puerto Rican: Uh‐huh, but we’re gonna get a patty first. She’s hungry.

–Jamaica Ave & 153^rd St, Queens

Overheard by: walking to court

Posted on February 12, 2023
Black People, Crime and Punishment, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, On Cell, Puerto Ricans, Queens, Violence

We Prefer to Think of Wednesday One‐Liners as “Found Art”

Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it’s entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know – for the time being I’m just referring to it as a Duchamp “readymade.” Ew! Don’t you call me bohemian!

–19^th & 6^th

Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he’s dead now.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability.

–Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA

Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff – but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do.

–20^th & 5^th

Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It’s not art if you can see his penis!

–Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Posted on February 10, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Compare/Contrast, Death, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Handicaps, Height, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Lawyers, MoMA, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Shopping, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Met, Tourists, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

One Liners from the Legitimate Wednesday

Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down.

–NYU

Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn’t have gone to see The Little Mermaid?

–Eugene O’Neill Theatre

College student: …exactly how you’d expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go.

–NYU

Black guy on cell: It doesn’t mean I’m gay because I’m going to see a play. (pause) It’s for a class… There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see a play.

–Union Square

Overheard by: erkala

20‐something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical!

–63^rd St & Broadway

Posted on February 8, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Disney, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, School and studying, Sexuality, Students, Theater, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Clearest Explanation of Scientology To‐Date

Girl on cell: It would be like if you made a robot with the sole purpose of killing someone you didn’t like. It wouldn’t be the robot’s fault that it killed the person, it would be your fault, because you built the robot. Unless, of course, somehow the robot had a mind of its own.

–63^rd & Lex

Overheard by: Zglass

Posted on February 6, 2023
On Cell, Philosophy, Upper East Side

Wednesday One‐Liners Call the Hotline Every Week

Teen girl, despairingly: If they ever find out a way to bring people back to life, I’m going to kill myself!

–14^th St Subway Platform

Overheard by: yoncto

Blonde on cell: Don’t send me stupid things about how you want to stab yourself in the heart. It’s inconsiderate.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Hipster: I’m so stressed out right now; if I was going to NYU, I would’ve jumped out of a building.

–City College

Overheard by: Damn Right!

Guy on cell: You took them with alcohol? [Pause.] Wait, let me get this straight, you took all of them, then you got drunk? Yeah dude, that is just suicide.

–Elevator, Saks Fifth Ave

Old waitress: Were you here the time Jimmy crucified himself?

–Manhattan Restaurant, Greenpoint

Overheard by: chris

Disgruntled Latina to friend: And I told her bitch: “Kill yourself, you don’t even know how to smoke right!”

–4 Train

Posted on January 17, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, City College, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Elevators, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Latinos, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Psychology, Questions, Smoking, Stab, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suicide, Teens, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Waitresses, Weirdness

Wednesday One‐Liners Say It, But They Don’t Really Mean It

Queer to hipster chick: Honey, you’re not a hipster! … I’m sorry I said that.

–New School University

Overheard by: smoon

Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could help me out. If you could give me just one penny, I’d really appreciate it. [Yuppie woman hands him a quarter.] I asked for one penny. You gave me 24 cents too much [hands the quarter back and walks away].

–Brooklyn‐bound F train

Conservatively‐dressed lady: I’m so sorry! My birth canal was showing!

–Atlantic Ave & Clinton St

Overheard by: amalthya & schizo

Dude on cell: I didn’t know you wanted to become priest… What?! You have to go through all that shit just to be a deacon?! My god! … Sorry man, I didn’t mean it like that…

–Union Square

Man on cell: I’m sorry, but I’m in New Jersey right now… When? Okay, Monday night… Of course I’ll be there, you have my word.

–M14 bus, Ave A

Lady suit: Now I am totally sorry I stalked you — it was so not worth the effort.

−−47−50 Rockefeller Center train station

Overheard by: SandmanEsq

Posted on January 10, 2023
Hobos, Liars, Lies, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Queer guys, Suits, Union Square and East Village

On Cell