Girl on cell: So, did you get a lap dance?…Oh my God, a whole group of women just turned around and stared at me.
The group of women turn around again.
Girl on cell: No, he did not get a lap dance!
–45th between 8th & 9th
Girl on cell: So, did you get a lap dance?…Oh my God, a whole group of women just turned around and stared at me.
The group of women turn around again.
Girl on cell: No, he did not get a lap dance!
–45th between 8th & 9th
Chick on cell: That is not true!…No!…I would never do that! Gross! I so did not do that…Did I?…Really?…Oh, well, maybe I was too trashed to remember.
–Times Square
Arty girl: I may be hung over. I haven’t decided yet.
–Metropolitan Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: ~dana
Guy: So I find that when I taste champagne with someone, I have nothing to say.
–32nd & 6th
Chick: Wait, I really did sleep with that guy? I need to update my
Excel spreadsheet.
–Montien, 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: djlindee
Erica: Welcome to Applebee’s, my name is Erica. Can I get you started with a drink, or a beverage?
–Applebee’s, W. 225th Street
Overheard by: MissDona
Queer on cell: Oh my God, did you hear? Liz has a date…yeah, with a guy…a straight guy…
–Time Warner Center
Overheard by: Cole
Suit on cell: Hi, I’m in Chelsea. I just bought the We Love Disco CD and two porn magazines.
–22nd between 7th & 8th
Black guy: Damn, those horses is gay.
–Times Square
Overheard by: seth scott barkley
Queer on cell: Hey, I got here early. The Starbucks is closed for renovations, so why don’t we just skip to the blowjob?
–7th & Grove
Chick: He was getting blown by a trannie and right before he came he said, “get out of my car, you faggot” and that’s how he knew he wasn’t gay.
–W Hotel bar, Union Square
Overheard by: Somebody nowhere
Guy: I mean, he’s weird. He’ll let me make out with him, but he won’t share his salsa.
–Bond & Lafayette
Queer: First of all, if I was going to have an orgy at four in the morning, I would not have carne asada first. Pttth! Second of all…um…carne asada is not pre-orgy food.
–Barrage, West 47th Street
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Queer: I’m never having sex with another virgin again. When the virgin is on the receiving end it can be such a pain in the…yeah.
–Bleecker & Macdougal
Woman on cell: Mom, he doesn’t have an accent, he’s gay!
–Madison & 52nd
Girl: That’s weird. I’m on the subway and my cell phone rang.
Guy: We’re on the bridge.
Girl: Oh shit! I was supposed to get off at Canal Street!
–Q train
Overheard by: David
Guy: This station needs to be named Hell.
–Canal Street station
Overheard by: Nic
Man on cell: Wait, you’re telling me my money went to help some kid go to camp? Are you fuckin’ kidding me? I thought I was curing a cripple or some shit like that. What’s up with that? I never went to camp when I was a kid. Good to hear some brat I never met is going to be swimming in a lake all summer long while my nephew is cooling himself off by a hydrant in the street.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Victor Hugo
Chick: I swear to god, I don’t know how nothing has happened to me yet, either I am infertile or the cure for herpes is in my vagina.
–6 train
Overheard by: brynn
Man on cell: Hey, baby. It’s sure hot out today…you better get out those hot pants…I mean hot shorts…your pussy must be burning up.
–56th & Broadway
Businesswoman on cell: Aw, man. If only she were a hermaphrodite! Damn!
–7th & Perry
Korean dude: Are you suggesting that you have a super dope vagina?
–Camel, W. 33rd Street
Overheard by: Dave Min
Man: We’re going to have a tampon fondue!
–Duane Reade, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: molina1230
Father: Oh, you mean hummus. Hamas is a terrorist organization.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Daniel Radosh
Man on stoop on cell: Son, it sounds like you got yourself an STD.
–Windsor Terrace
Overheard by: LaurenG
Dad: Now don’t go getting lost again. It cost me a lot of money to get you back last time.
–Bronx Zoo
Father: It was because of nuclear proliferation. All the dinosaurs shot nukes at each other.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: JB
Man: The last time a bird pooped on me I met your mother.
–Central Park Zoo
Chick on cell: I mean, an Easter egg hunt, but with cigarettes? How cool would that be?
–6th between Prince & Spring
Overheard by: djlindee
Woman: So there were three of us, standing around the toilet, and we each threw our cigarette butts one by one into the toilet, and when I flushed it, there was this…space. And through that space I saw my family at the other end…
–Prospect Park Bandshell
Overheard by: MissHell
Man: I want to get down to a carton of cigarettes for each paycheck.
–Sunset Park
Overheard by: Priscilla Grim
Chick: I’m afraid of birds, so I go to the bird store next door to sort of get over it, you know? So I was down there today and there was this lady there who owns one of the birds, and she was saying how it bit her in the lip, and she lost feeling in her finger. That makes me think…they really are evil!
–Office, E. 33rd Street
Man on cell: Hello. Yes, this is the squirrel from the park. Please
come back to the park, I’m not in the park but I’ll be there soon.
–23rd & 6th
College girl: I always associate double-parking with shrimp.
–M86 bus
Overheard by: Andrea Natalie Goldstein
Hispanic girl: Yo, butterflies is scary!
–B train
College girl: Yeah, my mom was watching this commercial about kitty litter where there was this cat who said, “Yeah, and then they go and do the thing…” Wait. I mean, that’s not what the cat said. I’m just paraphrasing.
–Starbucks, 67th & Columbus
Chick: How’s the Wailers concert?
Voice on cell: All we need now is a beer and a spliff!
Chick: Great, Mom.
–University Restaurant, University Place
Overheard by: Becka Dash
